Well, the title pretty much sums up my day. Besides T-ball, there isn't that much "fun" on the agenda, but.....you gotta to do what you gotta to do, right?
Rain has been a huge factor in Cade's T-ball schedule. This week is a make up week, fitting in four games between now and Saturday. To say that we will be busy is an understatement! It will be so much fun! Practice has been hilarious, so I can only imagine the games!!! Ha!
The countdown is on for Chemo. Four. Then three, then two, well- you get the picture. I am pretty excited. It is also very emotional for me. I feel like I have conquered something. I don't know the full impact yet, but it feels big and has made some huge changes in my life. These ladies have shown me a different side of humanity. The other Chemo patients have taught me about true humility and service. Don't know that I can explain it much better than that. Last week at treatment I sat by a woman who is 75. She was dx. w/ lung ca. To say that she was scared was an understatement. When she heard me cracking a joke about my wig, she reached over and grabbed my hand and asked me how I did it. I asked her what she meant and she said, "how can you handle losing your hair like that, and laugh about it" and she began to cry. I just held her hand, cried with her, and told her that it is just hair and will grow back, but it takes some time to come to terms with that and for now, just cry. It is a grieving process. I don't know how to tell ppl exactly how it is when they have asked. There is something way down deep that breaks and stays broken for a while. Then, if you let Him, the Lord begins to piece something beautiful in you. He doesn't repair, he makes new. It is hard to feel "beautiful" when I look in the mirror. Outwardly there are scars, "puffiness" from the steroids, and baldness. Not to mention your skin tone changes. I don't know about you, but this isn't exactly how I would picture celebrating or feeling for the year I turned the big 30, but that is what happened. Ironically I have the second to the last tx on my 31st b-day. *(we're hoping for a better year- just sayin) Inwardly, however, there is an inner peace that has sprung forth and has allowed me to see the God is indeed doing something wonderful, yes- even beautiful. I no longer fret about the outward b/c you truly have no control and it is so very, very temporal. Not saying you disregard excercise, diet, or just general care of yourself, for in the words of Tom Harmon: "if the barn needs painting, paint it!" We are not validated by what we see in the mirror. The mirror and other ppl's opinions didn't form us. God did, and he makes no mistakes. YOU and I are made in HIS image and when he was done creating us He said that it was very good. I don't know about you, but I need to hear that. Recognizing what the Lord of Creation thinks of me, has changed my whole perspective on myself and self-esteem going thru this. I don't understand a lot of things but have found that it is best to just fall to my knees in surrender, and worship the God who gives, takes, restores, heals, loves, cares and brings us back. He is God- that's just the way it is.
As for the mouse- he too was created....for God's humor. I H.A.T.E them! There was one that Aaron saw run into the garage and he cannot seem to "find" it. I am in denial that it went any further than that......hoping that he saw the light and accepted defeat before I had to put the smack down and get ugly with him/her. I am sure God laughs at the personality change that instantly comes over me. I am not a yeller but for some reason I am convinced that mice will give up easily if you scream and holler at the top of your lungs while standing on a chair holding your weapon of choice. Just sayin. I will keep you informed if necessary and maybe post a picture......or not. I won't give him any more attention than he needs. =)
Have a great day blog readers, and remember.......God is really, really big and he ALWAYS finishes the work he started.
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