"The stockings were hung by the chimney with care in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there...."
Those are the beloved words of old that are repeated and repeated and repeated again and again by this cute little Christmas Bear we have at our house. This little bear was given to us by dear, sweet grandma, (who even mentioned how annoying it was to be played repeatedly!) She gave it to Cade at THANKSGIVING. Enough said. Now, each morning upon rising, Cade hits the play button and away the little bear speaks. This morning, however, it was another of his favorite sayings.
Cade woke up saying in his usual enthusiasm......"the day has almost come, it is almost here!!!!"
I love the gusto with which he says and does things. Don't you? He cracks me up! I had to ask him to wait until 8am to decorate cookies. Mommy just isn't ready to go quite as early as he is.
We have made several batches of cut out cookies and we are getting ready to decorate them. The mint truffles are ready to be dipped and frozen. I LOVE all of the fun and preparation that goes into this holiday, but I love what it is about even more!
I hope that today finds your house full of the joy and the hope of Christmas, that is found at ours. May your New Year be filled with the goodness of God in the Land of the Living. May the Lord bless you and yours richly as you seek Him in all you do and learn to love Him more.
On the eve of Christmas Eve, may you be filled with the wonder of Christmas...Emmanuel- God is with us.
Always.
His day.....is almost here.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Take 2
I am having a "take 2" kind of day. Do you ever have those? You wish you could "do over" but you are left with a "try again". So I am.
Today was Cade's Christmas party at school. It is so much fun to work on their little crafts, hand out the snacks and sort of get to stand on the sidelines and watch the kids interact. I just want to give a little shout out to all teachers: you all are saints and I could NEVER do your job. Your patience and your persistance with the kids is amazing and the fact that you come back year after year...well you earn an award in my book! I was ready for a break, nap or something about the 6th time I got the little sticky jewel things for the foam Christmas trees stuck in my fake manicured nails; then there was the attitudes that made me want to write a naughty/nice tattle-tale letter to Santa.
As I was cutting Aaron's hair he was asking about my shopping experience after the party. I wish I could make this stuff up.
While at Walmart I was patiently waiting for an elderly gentleman to walk out the doors. Apparently he thought I was following a little close because he turns around and hocks a wad of "disgustingness" right at my feet. I stood still in disbelief causing a back up, all the while deciding how to navigate around "it". Let me just say...super gross.
Driving from Cade's school to the city, I passed a minivan who was in the other lane. About a mile down the road, as he is passing me, he honks his horn and (I am NOT kidding) sticks his tongue out at me, waves at me and then cuts me off. Seriously? Is he five years old?
This one topped it off.....While at Famous Footwear, I was at the register with my purchases when this older woman walks up and swats my behind and gives me a pinch, then apparently had a "coming to her senses" moment and realized that I wasn't "sweetie" (hopefully her daughter), but some innocent woman she just violated. ???? Not sure about that one....I don't remember my own mom doing that except with the yardstick, standing in line with my siblings because we all usually had it coming, but in a store and being VERY familiar, well lets just say things were a little "awkward".
It was time for me to take my "behind back to the beehive". So home we went.
I am in the middle of a Bible Study called "Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted." Appropriate, I thought. Life is full of them: navigating around spit balls, Someone sticking their tongue out at me, or a good "pinch". Either way they are all interruptions and depending on how I handle them...well, that determines my own outcome.
The author of the study said this, "If you find yourself balking at God's instructions in your life, it is an indication of the importance you place on God and His will." Ouch.
Navigating through this world of distractions and interruptions puts me in a focused and humble place. The above question from the author is like shining a spotlight on my hearts motives and my wants/desires. How we react in each and every situation whether it be the store, getting pinched, or through things like cancer is often very telling.
I focused in on this last little story from the shoe store:
I had just sat down to try on shoes, while Cade jumped on and off the couch. There was a woman trying on some shoes beside us when Cade said, "mom, you have the same shoes at home!" She asked me how I liked them. She was getting a pair to walk around Disney World and was looking forward to the distraction it provided after experiencing some heartache, and while we were talking Cade says, "My mom had cccaannnnccceeerrr" very loud, as if she couldn't hear. I certainly wasn't going to share my life story with a stranger, but I did admit it was true. I wanted to encourage her in some way. Not knowing what to say, I simply told her that I hoped she had a wonderful time and to enjoy what she had in front of her. I mentioned that if I had learned anything this year, it was to not dwell on what I didn't have, or what I wanted, but what I DID have right in front of me. It was/is a precious gift.
Don't be discouraged when you/we find ourselves falling short next to the Word of God. Let it be a reminder that God is not only a God who heals and restores, but is the author of do-overs and He gives us chance after chance for the "Take 2" moments.
Don't quit, just....take 2. It's Gods gift that keeps on giving.
Today was Cade's Christmas party at school. It is so much fun to work on their little crafts, hand out the snacks and sort of get to stand on the sidelines and watch the kids interact. I just want to give a little shout out to all teachers: you all are saints and I could NEVER do your job. Your patience and your persistance with the kids is amazing and the fact that you come back year after year...well you earn an award in my book! I was ready for a break, nap or something about the 6th time I got the little sticky jewel things for the foam Christmas trees stuck in my fake manicured nails; then there was the attitudes that made me want to write a naughty/nice tattle-tale letter to Santa.
As I was cutting Aaron's hair he was asking about my shopping experience after the party. I wish I could make this stuff up.
While at Walmart I was patiently waiting for an elderly gentleman to walk out the doors. Apparently he thought I was following a little close because he turns around and hocks a wad of "disgustingness" right at my feet. I stood still in disbelief causing a back up, all the while deciding how to navigate around "it". Let me just say...super gross.
Driving from Cade's school to the city, I passed a minivan who was in the other lane. About a mile down the road, as he is passing me, he honks his horn and (I am NOT kidding) sticks his tongue out at me, waves at me and then cuts me off. Seriously? Is he five years old?
This one topped it off.....While at Famous Footwear, I was at the register with my purchases when this older woman walks up and swats my behind and gives me a pinch, then apparently had a "coming to her senses" moment and realized that I wasn't "sweetie" (hopefully her daughter), but some innocent woman she just violated. ???? Not sure about that one....I don't remember my own mom doing that except with the yardstick, standing in line with my siblings because we all usually had it coming, but in a store and being VERY familiar, well lets just say things were a little "awkward".
It was time for me to take my "behind back to the beehive". So home we went.
I am in the middle of a Bible Study called "Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted." Appropriate, I thought. Life is full of them: navigating around spit balls, Someone sticking their tongue out at me, or a good "pinch". Either way they are all interruptions and depending on how I handle them...well, that determines my own outcome.
The author of the study said this, "If you find yourself balking at God's instructions in your life, it is an indication of the importance you place on God and His will." Ouch.
Navigating through this world of distractions and interruptions puts me in a focused and humble place. The above question from the author is like shining a spotlight on my hearts motives and my wants/desires. How we react in each and every situation whether it be the store, getting pinched, or through things like cancer is often very telling.
I focused in on this last little story from the shoe store:
I had just sat down to try on shoes, while Cade jumped on and off the couch. There was a woman trying on some shoes beside us when Cade said, "mom, you have the same shoes at home!" She asked me how I liked them. She was getting a pair to walk around Disney World and was looking forward to the distraction it provided after experiencing some heartache, and while we were talking Cade says, "My mom had cccaannnnccceeerrr" very loud, as if she couldn't hear. I certainly wasn't going to share my life story with a stranger, but I did admit it was true. I wanted to encourage her in some way. Not knowing what to say, I simply told her that I hoped she had a wonderful time and to enjoy what she had in front of her. I mentioned that if I had learned anything this year, it was to not dwell on what I didn't have, or what I wanted, but what I DID have right in front of me. It was/is a precious gift.
Don't be discouraged when you/we find ourselves falling short next to the Word of God. Let it be a reminder that God is not only a God who heals and restores, but is the author of do-overs and He gives us chance after chance for the "Take 2" moments.
Don't quit, just....take 2. It's Gods gift that keeps on giving.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Guilt....
Good morning!
We are so blessed, aren't we? We woke up this morning, and today is a new day full of mercy and blessings. I stand continuallly amazed when I think of those things. And so often I am guilty of thinking that those things and His promises aren't enough.
I am continuing with my writing project. I am working on the 12th chapter and it is about Guilt. Guilt comes in all shapes and sizes. I was namely going to point out several aspects of it from a cancer patient's side....when the following story had me writing out some more thoughts on the very subject.
As you know, Aaron's father (David) has varying medical issues that require 100% care. Over the 5 years that he has been home, we have had nurse after nurse, after nurse come into the home and work/care for David. Until the last two (Syndee and Jana) we were about out of hope that there was truly honest, and hard working individuals out there who could do this job.
That being said, I was shopping in town and ran in to a woman we will name "Smiles". She worked for us for some time and we all became quite settled with the routine that we had developed. After a couple of months she began displaying some behavior that is less than stellar, but being in the situation we were, we felt limited and loathed letting her go.Me We would have a lot of work to do, and would need help for a time until a suitable person could fill the position. Don't get me wrong...I love helping out, but during this time we were doing foster care, and Cade himself was only 3. Long story short, we let her go to find other opportunities, and supplied her with compensation.
When she saw me, she immediately tried to get away as fast as she could. I stopped and spoke to her saying "hello" and "It is nice to see you again. How have you been?" Thinking that since it has been several years, she may not recognize me, and so forth....I said, "Oh! Do you remember me? I am so and so....." before I could finish speaking, "Smiles" said "Oh yes I do! Come on (to the person she was with), lets get away from HER!"
Some relationships have a lot of water under the bridge. This one in particular was a "toxic" relationship that ended well, or so we thought. I was stunned that she responded so harshly. I was embarrassed that she reacted like that, in the store no less, when she was in NO position to be acting like that. The more I thought about it, the madder I became. "How dare she....", "I should have said.....", were among the thoughts coursing through my mind. Then I stopped, repented and immediately felt guilty. Why? I probably would have been within my "rights" to react like she did, but I also have Jesus in me and everything within screamed "STOP! Turn the other cheek....Love her....She needs Jesus."
But, even that last statement left me feelings of guilt, because she claims TO know Christ. I am not in a position to judge the heart, so why even think such things?
The sad thing here, is even CHRISTIANS act like Smiles did. Why? Because when we have done something to someone or done something we are ashamed of, it is easier to take the "justified" route, instead of accepting the responsibility that is ours. Out of our own guilt, we often place the weight of our own burden on the one we have wronged, while they are trying desperately to come to terms with the "new normal" for them. It isn't an easy road, but their own burden is so heavy that they cannot bear the weight of any more- much less one that is undeserved or misplaced. Navigating through their own emotions/burdens is all they can manage at present.
Believe me...I have totally been the one causing scenes before....thinking I was fixing things. But BOTH sides are wrong. Neither party is in a position to act out at the other, or to with-hold forgiveness from the other. Hurting people, hurt people. We all act badly, when we shouldn't.
As this relates to cancer, disabilities or other related things, people often times don't know what to or how to act after the newness of another persons situation comes to light. They place an "expectation" on that person to act the same, be the same and cause as little a disturbance as possible in their life, because the bottom line is selfishness. They (Or we- if we are in that position) don't want to change. They(we) don't want this to happen to them/us....so let's not be around them. Be disrupted from our lives, and heaven-forbid we become uncomfortable on the behalf of another person. So, what do we so often do? We give the other person a guilt trip. Or like "Smiles" did, treat someone with disrespect, with-hold forgiveness, etc....all because we cannot come face to face with our guilt/responsibility.
Own up to when you have wronged someone...you will look more like Jesus.
Forgive quickly....it displays Christ on your face.
Don't judge others based on what you yourself don't want to do, or didn't do when you knew you should have....Christ didn't come to condemn, He came to save. (John 3:17 "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.")
Bottom line.......LOVE. 1 Cor 13:4-7 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
Love people to LIFE. (John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.") Be the Jesus for the world to see. Let's obey Him and learn to live like him.
Guilt is a dangerous weapon used by the enemy to stop many from coming to Christ, and used too often by Christians who hold others and ultimately themselves in bondage.
Victory in Jesus is just one action away, one word of kindness-away, one refusal to do wrong-away, and one act of forgiveness away from each and every one of us.
Cade likes to sing Christmas Carols. Right now he is singing "Hark, the Herald Angels Sing". When he gets to "Peace on earth, and mercy mild God and sinner reconcile" His version goes like this...."Peace on earth and Mercy filed....God has sinners to reconcile." Oh, I wish it were so simple, but it isn't. It requires us to make a difficult choice between what we "want" to do and what we "need" to do.
Don't stand in the darkness any longer. The day has dawned anew, and with it- NEW MERCIES. Fall at the feet of Jesus and find your rest. Find your freedom, and live a life worthy of Him and free....from guilt.
"That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown..."
We are so blessed, aren't we? We woke up this morning, and today is a new day full of mercy and blessings. I stand continuallly amazed when I think of those things. And so often I am guilty of thinking that those things and His promises aren't enough.
I am continuing with my writing project. I am working on the 12th chapter and it is about Guilt. Guilt comes in all shapes and sizes. I was namely going to point out several aspects of it from a cancer patient's side....when the following story had me writing out some more thoughts on the very subject.
As you know, Aaron's father (David) has varying medical issues that require 100% care. Over the 5 years that he has been home, we have had nurse after nurse, after nurse come into the home and work/care for David. Until the last two (Syndee and Jana) we were about out of hope that there was truly honest, and hard working individuals out there who could do this job.
That being said, I was shopping in town and ran in to a woman we will name "Smiles". She worked for us for some time and we all became quite settled with the routine that we had developed. After a couple of months she began displaying some behavior that is less than stellar, but being in the situation we were, we felt limited and loathed letting her go.
When she saw me, she immediately tried to get away as fast as she could. I stopped and spoke to her saying "hello" and "It is nice to see you again. How have you been?" Thinking that since it has been several years, she may not recognize me, and so forth....I said, "Oh! Do you remember me? I am so and so....." before I could finish speaking, "Smiles" said "Oh yes I do! Come on (to the person she was with), lets get away from HER!"
Some relationships have a lot of water under the bridge. This one in particular was a "toxic" relationship that ended well, or so we thought. I was stunned that she responded so harshly. I was embarrassed that she reacted like that, in the store no less, when she was in NO position to be acting like that. The more I thought about it, the madder I became. "How dare she....", "I should have said.....", were among the thoughts coursing through my mind. Then I stopped, repented and immediately felt guilty. Why? I probably would have been within my "rights" to react like she did, but I also have Jesus in me and everything within screamed "STOP! Turn the other cheek....Love her....She needs Jesus."
But, even that last statement left me feelings of guilt, because she claims TO know Christ. I am not in a position to judge the heart, so why even think such things?
The sad thing here, is even CHRISTIANS act like Smiles did. Why? Because when we have done something to someone or done something we are ashamed of, it is easier to take the "justified" route, instead of accepting the responsibility that is ours. Out of our own guilt, we often place the weight of our own burden on the one we have wronged, while they are trying desperately to come to terms with the "new normal" for them. It isn't an easy road, but their own burden is so heavy that they cannot bear the weight of any more- much less one that is undeserved or misplaced. Navigating through their own emotions/burdens is all they can manage at present.
Believe me...I have totally been the one causing scenes before....thinking I was fixing things. But BOTH sides are wrong. Neither party is in a position to act out at the other, or to with-hold forgiveness from the other. Hurting people, hurt people. We all act badly, when we shouldn't.
As this relates to cancer, disabilities or other related things, people often times don't know what to or how to act after the newness of another persons situation comes to light. They place an "expectation" on that person to act the same, be the same and cause as little a disturbance as possible in their life, because the bottom line is selfishness. They (Or we- if we are in that position) don't want to change. They(we) don't want this to happen to them/us....so let's not be around them. Be disrupted from our lives, and heaven-forbid we become uncomfortable on the behalf of another person. So, what do we so often do? We give the other person a guilt trip. Or like "Smiles" did, treat someone with disrespect, with-hold forgiveness, etc....all because we cannot come face to face with our guilt/responsibility.
Own up to when you have wronged someone...you will look more like Jesus.
Forgive quickly....it displays Christ on your face.
Don't judge others based on what you yourself don't want to do, or didn't do when you knew you should have....Christ didn't come to condemn, He came to save. (John 3:17 "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.")
Bottom line.......LOVE. 1 Cor 13:4-7 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
Love people to LIFE. (John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.") Be the Jesus for the world to see. Let's obey Him and learn to live like him.
Guilt is a dangerous weapon used by the enemy to stop many from coming to Christ, and used too often by Christians who hold others and ultimately themselves in bondage.
Victory in Jesus is just one action away, one word of kindness-away, one refusal to do wrong-away, and one act of forgiveness away from each and every one of us.
Cade likes to sing Christmas Carols. Right now he is singing "Hark, the Herald Angels Sing". When he gets to "Peace on earth, and mercy mild God and sinner reconcile" His version goes like this...."Peace on earth and Mercy filed....God has sinners to reconcile." Oh, I wish it were so simple, but it isn't. It requires us to make a difficult choice between what we "want" to do and what we "need" to do.
Don't stand in the darkness any longer. The day has dawned anew, and with it- NEW MERCIES. Fall at the feet of Jesus and find your rest. Find your freedom, and live a life worthy of Him and free....from guilt.
"That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown..."
Thursday, December 15, 2011
The "daze" before Christmas....
This week....I think I have been busy with 12 things to do each day for Christmas. So, instead of boring you with my daily lists, I thought I would share my 12 FAVORITE things about Christmas instead! =)
12) Buying, Making, and Wrapping gifts for people.
11) Listening To Christmas Music
10) Baking Christmas Cookies and Candies
9) Decorating The Christmas Tree
8) Holiday Get-Togethers
7) Recieving things in the Mail from family and friends
6) Making a gingerbread house with my little guy
5) Caroling
4) Watching Christmas Re-runs on TV with my family
3) Opening gifts on Christmas Morning and Watching Cade Open His
2) Reading The Christmas Story
1) Jesus
I love everything about Christmas. I do notice, however, that it seems like each year there are more and more distractions taking me away from these things that I love, and I often spend the 12 Days of Christmas in sheer panic...hoping I have crossed every item off the list, pulled the cookies out in time, remembered everyone on my Christmas Card List, wrote the correct name on each gift, more importantly- did I buy a gift for everyone I was supposed to, and the list goes on. Do you see the distraction?
So, this year I have decided to stop each day and focus on things that really matter. I am not talking about focusing for hours- just 15 minutes or so. (My OCD-self couldn't handle it...)
-Focus past the cockroach I found in my lunch at a resturant this week.
- past the little boy who spilled chocolate milk (again) down his pants and decides to wear his pants tucked into his socks for his new "look".
- past the bad hair days.
- past the family dysfunction
- past the busy schedules/appointments
And focus on Jesus.
This week Cade asked Jesus to come into his heart. He said he prayed during the reading of the Christmas Story. I love the honesty that is displayed in a child. It was during that conversation that I determined to do things differently and focus, really focus on the reason for Christmas. With this thought in mind....I will leave you with these verses:
12) Buying, Making, and Wrapping gifts for people.
11) Listening To Christmas Music
10) Baking Christmas Cookies and Candies
9) Decorating The Christmas Tree
8) Holiday Get-Togethers
7) Recieving things in the Mail from family and friends
6) Making a gingerbread house with my little guy
5) Caroling
4) Watching Christmas Re-runs on TV with my family
3) Opening gifts on Christmas Morning and Watching Cade Open His
2) Reading The Christmas Story
1) Jesus
I love everything about Christmas. I do notice, however, that it seems like each year there are more and more distractions taking me away from these things that I love, and I often spend the 12 Days of Christmas in sheer panic...hoping I have crossed every item off the list, pulled the cookies out in time, remembered everyone on my Christmas Card List, wrote the correct name on each gift, more importantly- did I buy a gift for everyone I was supposed to, and the list goes on. Do you see the distraction?
So, this year I have decided to stop each day and focus on things that really matter. I am not talking about focusing for hours- just 15 minutes or so. (My OCD-self couldn't handle it...)
-Focus past the cockroach I found in my lunch at a resturant this week.
- past the little boy who spilled chocolate milk (again) down his pants and decides to wear his pants tucked into his socks for his new "look".
- past the bad hair days.
- past the family dysfunction
- past the busy schedules/appointments
And focus on Jesus.
This week Cade asked Jesus to come into his heart. He said he prayed during the reading of the Christmas Story. I love the honesty that is displayed in a child. It was during that conversation that I determined to do things differently and focus, really focus on the reason for Christmas. With this thought in mind....I will leave you with these verses:
"Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. Then the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger."
"And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: "Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!"
Luke 2:8-14
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Pictures from the weekend!
Below are some great shots taken by my wonderful and talented friend, Megan! Thought you'd enjoy some of them...
Here is one that Cade took of Megan and I...
Some of the wonderful, Chocolate-y Buckeyes! Yumm!!!
And last, but certainly NOT the least...is some jewelry. (These are a few that Megan created....mine were going out as gifts so I really couldn't display mine! <3 ) She did a fabulous job, didn't she?
There you are....our weekend in pictures!
Have a wonderful day! I will be busy with appointments today.....Lord willing with WONDERFUL remission news!
Here is one that Cade took of Megan and I...
Some of the wonderful, Chocolate-y Buckeyes! Yumm!!!
And last, but certainly NOT the least...is some jewelry. (These are a few that Megan created....mine were going out as gifts so I really couldn't display mine! <3 ) She did a fabulous job, didn't she?
There you are....our weekend in pictures!
Have a wonderful day! I will be busy with appointments today.....Lord willing with WONDERFUL remission news!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Have Mercy!!!
Good Morning!
What a fabulous, fun, and friend filled weekend we had! Have mercy! We laughed so hard until our sides ached, talked until our throats were hoarse, and shared some sweet memories and just because we are girls- we cried too.
My friend Megan S. came here for a visit. She is such a sweet, sweet friend. So blessed to have her in my life. Our agenda looked a lot like this:
What a fabulous, fun, and friend filled weekend we had! Have mercy! We laughed so hard until our sides ached, talked until our throats were hoarse, and shared some sweet memories and just because we are girls- we cried too.
My friend Megan S. came here for a visit. She is such a sweet, sweet friend. So blessed to have her in my life. Our agenda looked a lot like this:
-Picked her up from the airport
-Stayed up into the wee hours of the night laughing our heads off!
-Shopped all the hobby/craft stores
-Beaded watches and earrings
-More visiting past midnight
-Beading and laughing some more
-Church
-Baking/Candy Making
-Another Late Night
-Blood work appointment
-Shopping just for fun
-Dropped her off at the airport Monday afternoon
Megan, what a wonderful weekend! It was wonderful to talk with you- and really talk without interruptions. Thank you for spending your birthday weekend with your friend here in the middle of God's country (that's right....the only Buckeye's here are the candy....just sayin'). You are a treasure for sure.
Catching up on sleep and rest has been top priority. I would love to make it sound really glorious, but thankfully you are unable to see me as I am sure to have been snoring or drooling, or perhaps both. This ol' girl hasn't pulled an all-nighter in a couple of years...but it was oh, so worth it! I just feel so old now!
Last night I had a Jewelry party. What a fun time!!! PLUS- I was able to get a TON of jewelry free. How cool is that?
The rest of the week is going to be full as well. Cade has an appt at the ENT this morning to check his ears. He still is struggling with ear infections...so the tubes are going to probably be going back in. Plus, I have two appts tomorrow. One for my Oncologist (praying I am STILL in remission) and one for the Plastic Surgeon. Yes, I will be having another surgery soon. Will keep you posted (not that it is that interesting...but I have to keep you 10 readers happy! =))
Still no news on Aaron's Ultrasound, though they told him that things had remained the same. That is good I guess. They want him to come in, but I am learning not to get terribly worked up about stuff until I have reason too. This year has taught me that. Worry just robs today of it's peace and tomorrow of God's glory.
Still no news on Aaron's dad. We should hear today.
Going to be finishing up shopping with my mother in law today. Oh, how I love the Christmas season and buying for others! Such a great blessing for me and I know for her as well!
Getting ready to ready my Bible and start my day on my knees. I just can't seem to do it any other way. And sadly, I have tried. Reading through the book of James right now. I have been stuck in that one for a while. That little book has ruined me- for good. I am a "read the end of the chapter" kind-of-girl....and let me give you a clue: Every time I read it, MERCY TRIUMPHS.
What a great thought and something to think on. How is it evidenced in my life? Others around me? What should it look like? How do we always remember to do this? How do we hide God's word there and make it stick? There are just a few questions I am working through, but let me say you will NEVER waste time in God's word. I heard that one time from Beth Moore and how true it is.
I am leaving you with this thought today...as you go about your business (or pleasure) think on these verses with me:
"If any or you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally
without reproach, and it will be given to him." James 1:5
(There is our first practical step for today)
"But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, decieving yourselves." James 1:23
(Second step is doing what the Word of God says)
"Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble,
and to keep oneself unspotted from the world." James 1:27
(The third and last step isn't possible without the first two.)
Each time I read through this wonderful book, my heart feels heavy. I know just how often I fail at doing the things I know that I ought to do. But, I find great encouragement in this verse:
"You also be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand." James 5:8
This verse tells me that I need to give myself a break....not from spiritual things, but from pressuring myself to focus on works. I have to focus on Jesus and allow His work in my life; His Spirit to establish my heart. I can only do that when I spend time with Him. Just like a friendship- we have to do our part and not make things a one way street. And above all....have mercy.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Disguise....
I have always said that the Lord has a sense of humor. If He didn't have one, He certainly would have NEVER created humans! We are funny creatures, in more way than one.
Yesterday morning, I was reading through the Psalms. Specifically Psalms 62 and 63. There were two verses in particular that caught my attention. They sort of jumped out at me and I began pondering them...
The first one was Psalms 62:7 "My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge."
Some notes I had written in the margin said: "not from anyone else, or our own opinion...." I had to stop and rethink about that. So often we base our salvation on our works, talents, opinions, all the while forgetting that we did NOTHING to get it. Our honor isn't based on ourselves either. It is the transforming work of the Holy Spirit. It isn't about us, but about what God is doing.
I wrestled with that. Don't misunderstand.....we all do this, but when I reached the conclusion that this life is all about what God is doing, I was properly chastized.
Most of us live our whole lives convinced that we are doing the right thing, especially when it "feels right". Our feelings/emotions can be dangerous to our decision making process. They often times lead us apart from what the WILL of God is. If we are not immersed in His word and familiar with it, then loose translations can become our guide instead of context, and actual meaning.
On the heels of that verse, the next one jumped out at me....Psalms 63:3 "Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you."
It seems everywhere we look, people are fighting-with life. Glad, thankful, happy, sad, disillusioned, angry. All of these things that manifest themselves during different seasons of our life are....emotions. The danger in the first three, is the ability to forget where we came from. The pain and the suffering we have endured, or worse yet....the misconception that since we haven't endured much pain and suffering in our lives that we are immune to it, or we must have done something right- that others just "don't get" and we fail to be compassionate, loving, Christ-like servants that scripture call us to.
The obvious danger in the last three emotions listed is that we often base our view of God and others off these same emotions instead of looking at the nature of the Lord, the blessing we get wether our lips glorify him or not, and we most certainly forget that we are NOT here for us. Not created to have everything perfect in our lives. When hardship comes, it is difficult to praise, because we are face to face with reality....and to quote from a favorite play by my good friend Raelene...."Reality stinks!" Our inability to live in the here and now with reality all around us which includes hurting people, often times finds us wearing disguises. In short- we never become who we were meant to be. Whether we have believed emotions or another lie, we often become short sighted by our pain, or perhaps even our joys, and we miss the blessing of both.
Laura Story has a song out in which she paints a raw and vivid picture of just that. Disguise, only it isn't ourselves. It is the blessings of the Lord in the heartaches of this life. I have wrestled with this one.
I love to sing as many of you know and I was prepared to sing this song, when I realized that I cannot sing something that I don't understand. Every word out of our mouths is something that we will be accountable, and for me to have gone up and performed this song, would have been just that- a performance. The Lord was dealing with me in many ways about this song....
Allow me to be vulnerable a minute-
In the past 7 years, since Aaron and I were married, there has been blessing upon blessing, but also our fair share of heartache as well.
-Aarons dad (David) had a paralyzing stroke in '05, and requires constant care thru a hired nurse or family for every need he has, still to this day...
-The same year, we lost Aaron's two uncles (David's brothers) within two months of each other, though we didn't know them closely, the estates were left to Aaron's mom and his remaining aunt, still unresolved (for various reasons).
-I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer this very week last year and am in remission.
-Aaron is still waiting for his own results from his thyroid Ultrasound (will be redone this friday).
-Aaron's brother had a bout with cancer himself along with other struggles he has endured.
-Tomorrow we go to the Oncologist for Dave (Aaron's Dad). They think he has bone cancer or something going on. Specifics to come. Prayers are appreciated.
I would love to stick my head in the sand. I am tired of carrying unresolved issues of health and family drama that never end. I struggle with anger when I see others have it "easy". I often get mad when someone makes a comment about how we are handling this, or places a judgement on issues and ground where they have never walked. Burdens get heavy. Time seems to span eternity...often. Unfairness screams at every turn, every diagnosis, and at every time I hear of something else. My plate is full, as is so many others. The burden is as heavy to the one holding it up as yours is to you. Let me ask you this....how would you handle this? How would you respond to more dissappoinment? Judgement? Being Ostrasized by friends because you are too much?
So often we can "get away" from these things. However, only if they belong to someone else. I have come to see with clarity, the suffering of those with long-term illness. Of having a handicapped/disabled child. Of having to bear the consequences of someone else in your family because they cannot get it together themselves. But I have also learned to find peace.
Peace in the circumstances that will one day change, but that day is long in coming. Peace in the dispair and diappointment of others. The first verse I mentioned focuses in clearly now.....He is my mighty rock, my refuge; and my salvation and honor depend on God alone. Thank you Lord! If it depended on me, you know where I would be right now. Lost.
Forgive me for not having the right kind of things to say. For not being there when you have needed me as a friend. For handling myself poorly. At times I am overwhelmed. So many of us are. Could that be where the enemy tries to do his worst? In the power of offense? It often works because we run on emotions far too often instead of running to Jesus, our fortress.
What would the world look like if we recognized that others have burdens too....sometimes bigger than ours? What if we were quick to forgive someones bad behavior instead of living like we were incapable of doing the same thing ourselves?
It is in the humble admission that we see clearly and find peace. We cannot do "life" on our own. It is often in our greatest disappointments...that we see the aching of our hearts.....revealing a greater thrirst this world can't satisfy. "....your love is better than life."
The world is hurting. Christians are hurting. It is time to take off the disguise and live in the reality that without knowing the healing love of Jesus, some will face eternity in hell. That without embracing that healing love of Jesus ourselves, we will live a defeated, bitter, and angry life. If that doesn't stir you to action or even a desire to see this change, you may have more than just one disguise.....
I will sing this song one day, but for now, I am humbled and thankful. So much so that it forms a solid lump in the back of my throat. My healing is coming through tears, and it wasn't a thousand sleepless nights, just a few hundred....but I know one thing-He is REAL and He is NEAR. And He is coming back soon. I want to be whole again. Physically, Spiritually and Mentally....so when He comes back and I see Him I can say, "yes, Lord....I saw your blessings. I saw you in my pain and learned that you and only you are more than enough. I wanted healing, so you refused to give me lesser things, and you gave me only the things that would allow me to at last take off my disguise and see You and to see me for who I really am...both the good and the bad."
Yesterday morning, I was reading through the Psalms. Specifically Psalms 62 and 63. There were two verses in particular that caught my attention. They sort of jumped out at me and I began pondering them...
The first one was Psalms 62:7 "My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge."
Some notes I had written in the margin said: "not from anyone else, or our own opinion...." I had to stop and rethink about that. So often we base our salvation on our works, talents, opinions, all the while forgetting that we did NOTHING to get it. Our honor isn't based on ourselves either. It is the transforming work of the Holy Spirit. It isn't about us, but about what God is doing.
I wrestled with that. Don't misunderstand.....we all do this, but when I reached the conclusion that this life is all about what God is doing, I was properly chastized.
Most of us live our whole lives convinced that we are doing the right thing, especially when it "feels right". Our feelings/emotions can be dangerous to our decision making process. They often times lead us apart from what the WILL of God is. If we are not immersed in His word and familiar with it, then loose translations can become our guide instead of context, and actual meaning.
On the heels of that verse, the next one jumped out at me....Psalms 63:3 "Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you."
It seems everywhere we look, people are fighting-with life. Glad, thankful, happy, sad, disillusioned, angry. All of these things that manifest themselves during different seasons of our life are....emotions. The danger in the first three, is the ability to forget where we came from. The pain and the suffering we have endured, or worse yet....the misconception that since we haven't endured much pain and suffering in our lives that we are immune to it, or we must have done something right- that others just "don't get" and we fail to be compassionate, loving, Christ-like servants that scripture call us to.
The obvious danger in the last three emotions listed is that we often base our view of God and others off these same emotions instead of looking at the nature of the Lord, the blessing we get wether our lips glorify him or not, and we most certainly forget that we are NOT here for us. Not created to have everything perfect in our lives. When hardship comes, it is difficult to praise, because we are face to face with reality....and to quote from a favorite play by my good friend Raelene...."Reality stinks!" Our inability to live in the here and now with reality all around us which includes hurting people, often times finds us wearing disguises. In short- we never become who we were meant to be. Whether we have believed emotions or another lie, we often become short sighted by our pain, or perhaps even our joys, and we miss the blessing of both.
Laura Story has a song out in which she paints a raw and vivid picture of just that. Disguise, only it isn't ourselves. It is the blessings of the Lord in the heartaches of this life. I have wrestled with this one.
I love to sing as many of you know and I was prepared to sing this song, when I realized that I cannot sing something that I don't understand. Every word out of our mouths is something that we will be accountable, and for me to have gone up and performed this song, would have been just that- a performance. The Lord was dealing with me in many ways about this song....
Allow me to be vulnerable a minute-
In the past 7 years, since Aaron and I were married, there has been blessing upon blessing, but also our fair share of heartache as well.
-Aarons dad (David) had a paralyzing stroke in '05, and requires constant care thru a hired nurse or family for every need he has, still to this day...
-The same year, we lost Aaron's two uncles (David's brothers) within two months of each other, though we didn't know them closely, the estates were left to Aaron's mom and his remaining aunt, still unresolved (for various reasons).
-I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer this very week last year and am in remission.
-Aaron is still waiting for his own results from his thyroid Ultrasound (will be redone this friday).
-Aaron's brother had a bout with cancer himself along with other struggles he has endured.
-Tomorrow we go to the Oncologist for Dave (Aaron's Dad). They think he has bone cancer or something going on. Specifics to come. Prayers are appreciated.
I would love to stick my head in the sand. I am tired of carrying unresolved issues of health and family drama that never end. I struggle with anger when I see others have it "easy". I often get mad when someone makes a comment about how we are handling this, or places a judgement on issues and ground where they have never walked. Burdens get heavy. Time seems to span eternity...often. Unfairness screams at every turn, every diagnosis, and at every time I hear of something else. My plate is full, as is so many others. The burden is as heavy to the one holding it up as yours is to you. Let me ask you this....how would you handle this? How would you respond to more dissappoinment? Judgement? Being Ostrasized by friends because you are too much?
So often we can "get away" from these things. However, only if they belong to someone else. I have come to see with clarity, the suffering of those with long-term illness. Of having a handicapped/disabled child. Of having to bear the consequences of someone else in your family because they cannot get it together themselves. But I have also learned to find peace.
Peace in the circumstances that will one day change, but that day is long in coming. Peace in the dispair and diappointment of others. The first verse I mentioned focuses in clearly now.....He is my mighty rock, my refuge; and my salvation and honor depend on God alone. Thank you Lord! If it depended on me, you know where I would be right now. Lost.
Forgive me for not having the right kind of things to say. For not being there when you have needed me as a friend. For handling myself poorly. At times I am overwhelmed. So many of us are. Could that be where the enemy tries to do his worst? In the power of offense? It often works because we run on emotions far too often instead of running to Jesus, our fortress.
What would the world look like if we recognized that others have burdens too....sometimes bigger than ours? What if we were quick to forgive someones bad behavior instead of living like we were incapable of doing the same thing ourselves?
It is in the humble admission that we see clearly and find peace. We cannot do "life" on our own. It is often in our greatest disappointments...that we see the aching of our hearts.....revealing a greater thrirst this world can't satisfy. "....your love is better than life."
The world is hurting. Christians are hurting. It is time to take off the disguise and live in the reality that without knowing the healing love of Jesus, some will face eternity in hell. That without embracing that healing love of Jesus ourselves, we will live a defeated, bitter, and angry life. If that doesn't stir you to action or even a desire to see this change, you may have more than just one disguise.....
I will sing this song one day, but for now, I am humbled and thankful. So much so that it forms a solid lump in the back of my throat. My healing is coming through tears, and it wasn't a thousand sleepless nights, just a few hundred....but I know one thing-He is REAL and He is NEAR. And He is coming back soon. I want to be whole again. Physically, Spiritually and Mentally....so when He comes back and I see Him I can say, "yes, Lord....I saw your blessings. I saw you in my pain and learned that you and only you are more than enough. I wanted healing, so you refused to give me lesser things, and you gave me only the things that would allow me to at last take off my disguise and see You and to see me for who I really am...both the good and the bad."
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Just a quick hello!
Good morning!
It has been a little bit, but I wanted to sit down and write a quick hello! =)
We had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. Having mom and dad here was a great blessing as well as a fun time! We ate, laughed, ate, shopped, ate, worked, and ate some more....did you do the same?
This time of year is always great for reflecting. And also refining. I have been taking time and doing both everyday. Some of what I am finding I am not so proud of, and others, it is astounding how the Lord works. And it is truly HIS work. None of us would be anywhere or capable of anything without His sustaining, all sufficient love, guidance, and even his allowing us to make choices. He is GOOD. Don't ever forget that.
I was able to see my neices and nephews....what a joy! They are growing up so fast and each one gifted, and blessed with unique and awesome personalities! LOVE them!
My friend Kristi came on Wednesday, and I was able to spend some great girl time with her and then share dinner later that evening with her and her husband Kirk. They used to pastor the church we attend before they were called out to Idaho. We were so very glad to have seen them and to be able to visit. Kristi also (I will blame her) got me started on my new hobby. Jewelry making. It is quite addicting! I will post pictures soon....but I am working on some gifts just now, so it will have to wait just a bit.
This weekend one of my best friends, Megan, is flying in to see me. How exciting is that? I get to be her "birthday" gift of sorts. I am looking foward to the great laughs which are sure to be had, along with the time we can talk. I am sure there will be tears, but happy ones. Thankful ones. The only thing missing this weekend would be Christy, our dear friend from Rosedale. The three of us struck up an unlikely friendship- unlikely because Christy was perfect and Megan was nearing sainthood and then there was me, who was awkward and still finding my way. (and still am) I have been blessed by these women and love them more because of it. Perhaps we can get a skype call in to her ( she is in another country). Can't wait!
So, now you can see... between visiting and Christmas shopping, there really hasn't been much time to write. I have been helping out with my father in law as well. If you could, keep him in your prayers. More on that later.
Over all, I am thankful. Thankful to see Christmas; Thankful to see Jesus in all of this past year, and thankful that He is still with me as EMMANUEL.
Hope your day is filled with merry and bright!
It has been a little bit, but I wanted to sit down and write a quick hello! =)
We had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. Having mom and dad here was a great blessing as well as a fun time! We ate, laughed, ate, shopped, ate, worked, and ate some more....did you do the same?
This time of year is always great for reflecting. And also refining. I have been taking time and doing both everyday. Some of what I am finding I am not so proud of, and others, it is astounding how the Lord works. And it is truly HIS work. None of us would be anywhere or capable of anything without His sustaining, all sufficient love, guidance, and even his allowing us to make choices. He is GOOD. Don't ever forget that.
I was able to see my neices and nephews....what a joy! They are growing up so fast and each one gifted, and blessed with unique and awesome personalities! LOVE them!
My friend Kristi came on Wednesday, and I was able to spend some great girl time with her and then share dinner later that evening with her and her husband Kirk. They used to pastor the church we attend before they were called out to Idaho. We were so very glad to have seen them and to be able to visit. Kristi also (I will blame her) got me started on my new hobby. Jewelry making. It is quite addicting! I will post pictures soon....but I am working on some gifts just now, so it will have to wait just a bit.
This weekend one of my best friends, Megan, is flying in to see me. How exciting is that? I get to be her "birthday" gift of sorts. I am looking foward to the great laughs which are sure to be had, along with the time we can talk. I am sure there will be tears, but happy ones. Thankful ones. The only thing missing this weekend would be Christy, our dear friend from Rosedale. The three of us struck up an unlikely friendship- unlikely because Christy was perfect and Megan was nearing sainthood and then there was me, who was awkward and still finding my way. (and still am) I have been blessed by these women and love them more because of it. Perhaps we can get a skype call in to her ( she is in another country). Can't wait!
So, now you can see... between visiting and Christmas shopping, there really hasn't been much time to write. I have been helping out with my father in law as well. If you could, keep him in your prayers. More on that later.
Over all, I am thankful. Thankful to see Christmas; Thankful to see Jesus in all of this past year, and thankful that He is still with me as EMMANUEL.
Hope your day is filled with merry and bright!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
"Are they here yet?"
Have you ever heard that phrase over and over?
Thanksgiving is fast upon us. Grandma and Grandpa are due in tomorrow. Someone small, in this house, cannot wait. He is anxiously awaiting. I would have said patiently, but apparently, he thinks if he can be a stinker for his mom, then that would hasten the arrival of his beloved grandparents. =)
That being said, he is diligently working on it and here is whatwe he has been up to.
While decorating the tree, he added his own decoration.....
He was greatly disappointed when I told him that my resistance bands could not be a part of the Christmas celebration this year. I came in as my pillows and blanket were being wrapped up....but we finally finished.
My 'Merry Christmas' sign is still waiting to be hung....but now we are ready to open presents with Grandma and Grandpa on Wednesday when they get here. Nothing like an little early present to get you in the holiday spirit!
When I picked up Cade from school, he was full ofit cheer. He told me that though he forgets to wear his underwear sometimes, he always checks to make sure the barn door is closed. "Especially this time of year, mom!" - I didn't even bother to ask him if today was one of those days.
He is really into showing his muscles...so all I have to say is, "I am looking for someone strong to ____...." and he jumps to the task. He is always very serious and then finds time to come over after he is done and asks me if I want to feel his muscles. LOL!
Cade has been a big help, along with Aaron in assiting with cleaning, etc. They make a game with the poor vaccum. Screams, wrestling, chasing each other with "the shark", and knocking things over. But alas, the carpet is always clean when they are done...and no permanent damage has happened. Besides, the memories and the time spent together is priceless!
Last night when they wereperforming using the vaccum, Cade brings out his trash can and dumps it in front of the vaccum and says..."Let's see if it can pick THIS up, dad!" The look of excited wonder that was written on his face was worth a million bucks. It was even more hilarious to look at Aaron's expression b/c as I was asking Cade what he was doing, he pipes up with....."I was just copying dad!" As you can see, I just don't ask a lot of questions around here. Beggers can't be choosers when you need help...and at the end of the day- does it really matter? Not ONE bit.
I am going to make a paper chain for him so he can count the hours. It will give him something to do. He is off school tomorrow and will be chomping at the bit knowing that anytime he will see grandpa's car and have unlimited attention from loved ones.
Isn't that just like us all? Who wouldn't love to be loved on...coddled....spoiled rotten....read to....have a ready advocate to get you out of trouble with your parents....spoiled.....spoiled....and spoiled?
I hope whoever you are waiting for this holiday season, does just that.
Hold on to them tightly and enjoy.
I hope you have something to be thankful for this year. I hope a wonderful year is awaiting you and yours. Blessing upon blessing, there is always something to be thankful for! God is good. Always. Forever. I hope you are anxiously awaiting something, someone or a blessing with the same anticipation that is here at our house...and can say with Joy...."Are they here yet?"
Happy Thanksgiving to you!
Thanksgiving is fast upon us. Grandma and Grandpa are due in tomorrow. Someone small, in this house, cannot wait. He is anxiously awaiting. I would have said patiently, but apparently, he thinks if he can be a stinker for his mom, then that would hasten the arrival of his beloved grandparents. =)
That being said, he is diligently working on it and here is what
While decorating the tree, he added his own decoration.....
He was greatly disappointed when I told him that my resistance bands could not be a part of the Christmas celebration this year. I came in as my pillows and blanket were being wrapped up....but we finally finished.
When I picked up Cade from school, he was full of
He is really into showing his muscles...so all I have to say is, "I am looking for someone strong to ____...." and he jumps to the task. He is always very serious and then finds time to come over after he is done and asks me if I want to feel his muscles. LOL!
Cade has been a big help, along with Aaron in assiting with cleaning, etc. They make a game with the poor vaccum. Screams, wrestling, chasing each other with "the shark", and knocking things over. But alas, the carpet is always clean when they are done...and no permanent damage has happened. Besides, the memories and the time spent together is priceless!
Last night when they were
I am going to make a paper chain for him so he can count the hours. It will give him something to do. He is off school tomorrow and will be chomping at the bit knowing that anytime he will see grandpa's car and have unlimited attention from loved ones.
Isn't that just like us all? Who wouldn't love to be loved on...coddled....spoiled rotten....read to....have a ready advocate to get you out of trouble with your parents....spoiled.....spoiled....and spoiled?
I hope whoever you are waiting for this holiday season, does just that.
Hold on to them tightly and enjoy.
I hope you have something to be thankful for this year. I hope a wonderful year is awaiting you and yours. Blessing upon blessing, there is always something to be thankful for! God is good. Always. Forever. I hope you are anxiously awaiting something, someone or a blessing with the same anticipation that is here at our house...and can say with Joy...."Are they here yet?"
Happy Thanksgiving to you!
Friday, November 18, 2011
Make a difference.....
Well, I'm back. Took a break for a while.
Honestly, I just get plain tired some times. Tired of everything. Ever been there? No, not down in the dumps, just needing a little room. Room to think, and grow.
This last couple of weeks, found me working on both.
I went for a port flush this past Monday. While I was there, I was able to visit a couple for patients that are still recieving treatment, etc. I also got to see "my girls." The unsung hero's that walk a dark path with you at the treatment centers. While we were visiting, one of the girls asked me about what I have been doing, so I filled her in. In the middle of talking with her, she began to cry. This is not a girl who cries. She is a determined, strong, beautiful woman, who is sensitive, but not given to tears easily. ( obviously...look at her job) I stopped and asked her what she was crying about.
Before I get into that, I want to give you a little bit of where I was at. Next week, (like I have said before) is my one year anniversary. So, during my "room" to think and grow, I had some other thoughts.
What am I going to do from here? How am I different? What if....? Why.....? Has any of this really made any difference at all?
Processing all of these things takes time, at least for me. So that is where I was that day getting my port flushed, when my nurse said, "Erin, you have changed all of our lives in ways we never knew. We need your words. We need your encouragement. Many who are walking this road cannot recieve encouragement from me, not like they could from someone who has been there. Keep writing. Never stop...we need your words. We just love you."
I was shocked, and humbled. Here I was wondering if I even matter. You know how that is? Have you ever asked, "What am I here for?"
I'll be honest.....I haven't seen the big picture, but enough of it to know that it exists. I am telling this not only for myself, as a reminder, but for you. Keep doing what you are doing. Never stop. You NEVER know who, where, or what kind of a difference you are going to make. The impact you will have.
Someone once shared with me that sucess isn't measured in the times that we actually succeed. It is measured by the times we failed, and we learned, and once again.... we kept going.
I needed that reminder today. We all need that reminder today...we are here to make a difference. If it is for even one life- you are successful.
I have often wondered, since I was a little girl, why it takes me so long to learn things. I am thankful that the Lord is patient....in all things. As He guides and moves us towards what He has for us...we start to see the changes.
For me? I wondered why in the world I would have this happen to me, when there really isn't a good reason for it. But, after Monday talking with my girls, I asked the Lord to always help me remember His goodness and what He is doing. Don't let me get sidetracked with the day to day things of life. Help me to keep on making a difference, and seeing that He has a plan, and that is really all that matters.
You want to know what He did? He knows I needed something tangible to see....so He sent me a snowglobe, by way of my good friend. In the middle stands a woman with her arms raised above her head (which by the way has long and luxurious hair....I'm still working on that) and when you shake it, it explodes with color as glitter and butterflies fall all around her.
There is my reminder....to make a difference. The Butterflies were to remind me of the goodness of the Lord in the Land of the Living.....and to always remain standing, with my arms raised in praise and in worship to the One who has made all the difference.
Honestly, I just get plain tired some times. Tired of everything. Ever been there? No, not down in the dumps, just needing a little room. Room to think, and grow.
This last couple of weeks, found me working on both.
I went for a port flush this past Monday. While I was there, I was able to visit a couple for patients that are still recieving treatment, etc. I also got to see "my girls." The unsung hero's that walk a dark path with you at the treatment centers. While we were visiting, one of the girls asked me about what I have been doing, so I filled her in. In the middle of talking with her, she began to cry. This is not a girl who cries. She is a determined, strong, beautiful woman, who is sensitive, but not given to tears easily. ( obviously...look at her job) I stopped and asked her what she was crying about.
Before I get into that, I want to give you a little bit of where I was at. Next week, (like I have said before) is my one year anniversary. So, during my "room" to think and grow, I had some other thoughts.
What am I going to do from here? How am I different? What if....? Why.....? Has any of this really made any difference at all?
Processing all of these things takes time, at least for me. So that is where I was that day getting my port flushed, when my nurse said, "Erin, you have changed all of our lives in ways we never knew. We need your words. We need your encouragement. Many who are walking this road cannot recieve encouragement from me, not like they could from someone who has been there. Keep writing. Never stop...we need your words. We just love you."
I was shocked, and humbled. Here I was wondering if I even matter. You know how that is? Have you ever asked, "What am I here for?"
I'll be honest.....I haven't seen the big picture, but enough of it to know that it exists. I am telling this not only for myself, as a reminder, but for you. Keep doing what you are doing. Never stop. You NEVER know who, where, or what kind of a difference you are going to make. The impact you will have.
Someone once shared with me that sucess isn't measured in the times that we actually succeed. It is measured by the times we failed, and we learned, and once again.... we kept going.
I needed that reminder today. We all need that reminder today...we are here to make a difference. If it is for even one life- you are successful.
I have often wondered, since I was a little girl, why it takes me so long to learn things. I am thankful that the Lord is patient....in all things. As He guides and moves us towards what He has for us...we start to see the changes.
For me? I wondered why in the world I would have this happen to me, when there really isn't a good reason for it. But, after Monday talking with my girls, I asked the Lord to always help me remember His goodness and what He is doing. Don't let me get sidetracked with the day to day things of life. Help me to keep on making a difference, and seeing that He has a plan, and that is really all that matters.
You want to know what He did? He knows I needed something tangible to see....so He sent me a snowglobe, by way of my good friend. In the middle stands a woman with her arms raised above her head (which by the way has long and luxurious hair....I'm still working on that) and when you shake it, it explodes with color as glitter and butterflies fall all around her.
There is my reminder....to make a difference. The Butterflies were to remind me of the goodness of the Lord in the Land of the Living.....and to always remain standing, with my arms raised in praise and in worship to the One who has made all the difference.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Decorations and Celebrations....
Today was and is such a great day! For many reasons. Here are a few:
-This is one of the last Fridays that Aaron has off (before switching over to a different dept.) so we use it as our date day! (And I already claimed his last two)
-We are taking care of Aaron's dad as his mom is away on vacation. It is always fun to spend time with him. Aaron stayed with him Wednesday night and all of us stayed last night and then overnight tonight as well. He is getting more and more of his speech back, so it is kind of like seeing the Old Dave, again. Wow! Have we missed him!
-Mom and Dad bought me a 9ft pre-lit tree! Love me some Christmas! =) Anyhow, it was delivered yesterday, and yes- it went up today. Mom and Dad are visiting us soon and wanted to help out...so they get to help with decorating the house and remodeling the basement. Good times!
-The sun is GORGEOUS!!! What a beautiful day!
-Aaron bought me a new kitchen faucet and is installing it as we speak.
Over all, just a great day. Lots of projects done, and quality time spent together! We love doing do-it-yourself projects, and I enjoy marking it of the "list" even more! (he does too!) I (for the first time) just get to sit down and watch...which is why the marking off of things is a big deal...at least I can contribute. Something.
Yesterday I over-did it just a bit. Who knew hanging curtains could cause problems? Plus I had the terrible case of the "sneezes". (imagine your eyes popping out of your head) Oops. Busted. (Again) =) I was honest and told the Dr what I done...and he laughed! He said if I had some energy to burn off...I needed to go outside and walk. Funny thing is, it comes in spurts. Most of the time I look like a little old lady walking around. The rest of the time you wouldn't know anything was wrong....until I overdo. That is the tricky part. I can drive, but not lift. Walk, but not run. Slow on the stairs, but no vaccuming. Clean, but don't shove things around. Argh. Hows a girl on pain meds to remember all this stuff especially when you are sooo used to doing it? That's a mystery! One I am working on solving, apparently by experience.
NO, I didn't put the tree up. It came in three pieces, with all the branches on hinges. The most I did was pull them down into place. They literally just drop into their position and I plugged it in. It even has a remote with it so I don't have to keep reaching down to plug it in. Love it!
Don't get me wrong....today isn't a good day simply because we bought a few things. Its a good day to live. To enjoy. To learn. To celebrate. To decorate.
Here's an odd twist for you.....Aaron moved the dresser to do some wiring, and guess what I found? My mammogram films from 6/26/09...results? No findings. Normal. What a difference a year and a half made. Though I won't be decorating anything with those things, I just found it odd that I would find those, almost a year after I found my cancer. Just one more reason I have to celebrate today, being on THIS side of things.
Life is Good. But with God, it is so much better. His birth just gives me one more reason to decorate, and a million more reasons to celebrate!
(I will post pictures soon. Stay tuned...)
-This is one of the last Fridays that Aaron has off (before switching over to a different dept.) so we use it as our date day! (And I already claimed his last two)
-We are taking care of Aaron's dad as his mom is away on vacation. It is always fun to spend time with him. Aaron stayed with him Wednesday night and all of us stayed last night and then overnight tonight as well. He is getting more and more of his speech back, so it is kind of like seeing the Old Dave, again. Wow! Have we missed him!
-Mom and Dad bought me a 9ft pre-lit tree! Love me some Christmas! =) Anyhow, it was delivered yesterday, and yes- it went up today. Mom and Dad are visiting us soon and wanted to help out...so they get to help with decorating the house and remodeling the basement. Good times!
-The sun is GORGEOUS!!! What a beautiful day!
-Aaron bought me a new kitchen faucet and is installing it as we speak.
Over all, just a great day. Lots of projects done, and quality time spent together! We love doing do-it-yourself projects, and I enjoy marking it of the "list" even more! (he does too!) I (for the first time) just get to sit down and watch...which is why the marking off of things is a big deal...at least I can contribute. Something.
Yesterday I over-did it just a bit. Who knew hanging curtains could cause problems? Plus I had the terrible case of the "sneezes". (imagine your eyes popping out of your head) Oops. Busted. (Again) =) I was honest and told the Dr what I done...and he laughed! He said if I had some energy to burn off...I needed to go outside and walk. Funny thing is, it comes in spurts. Most of the time I look like a little old lady walking around. The rest of the time you wouldn't know anything was wrong....until I overdo. That is the tricky part. I can drive, but not lift. Walk, but not run. Slow on the stairs, but no vaccuming. Clean, but don't shove things around. Argh. Hows a girl on pain meds to remember all this stuff especially when you are sooo used to doing it? That's a mystery! One I am working on solving, apparently by experience.
NO, I didn't put the tree up. It came in three pieces, with all the branches on hinges. The most I did was pull them down into place. They literally just drop into their position and I plugged it in. It even has a remote with it so I don't have to keep reaching down to plug it in. Love it!
Don't get me wrong....today isn't a good day simply because we bought a few things. Its a good day to live. To enjoy. To learn. To celebrate. To decorate.
Here's an odd twist for you.....Aaron moved the dresser to do some wiring, and guess what I found? My mammogram films from 6/26/09...results? No findings. Normal. What a difference a year and a half made. Though I won't be decorating anything with those things, I just found it odd that I would find those, almost a year after I found my cancer. Just one more reason I have to celebrate today, being on THIS side of things.
Life is Good. But with God, it is so much better. His birth just gives me one more reason to decorate, and a million more reasons to celebrate!
(I will post pictures soon. Stay tuned...)
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Sitting, and thinking......
This week has been a challenge. As I mentioned before, I HATE dislike being layed up. Thinking. Sitting. Thinking some more. There isn't much more to do. My restrictions are basically this: No lifting over 15 lbs., Stairs are to be taken SLOWLY; walk as much and as fast as you like, but build up to it gradually. No inclines. No running. (duh); sleep and rest- FOR 8 WEEKS!!!! There you pretty much have it. You come out of surgery looking pregnant- not kidding (and I certainly wasn't laughing), and they give you these restrictions. It's not a problem if you like to sit a lot. But for me, it's been a challenge. I am just about through week one.
Intercessors- intercede. =)
As I have been sitting, I have had some wonderful prayer times and some time for reflection. People have come to mind (probably many of you) and I have been able to just pour my heart out to the Lord on their behalf and have some sweet communion with Jesus. This has been a year!
Yes, we are coming up on 1 year. This month. Boy do I feel it. Like I said, forced stillness makes your mind come alive. Literally. Here are some things that I have written down. Lessons learned. Milestones reached. Thoughts I have pondered all while marching toward the wonderful first "year" marker. Here's the list:
Emmanuel. God with us.
It is time for me to rest again. Going to sit in my recliner and think about this as the Christmas season draws nigh, about the way He has been with us.
And will be.
Always.
Intercessors- intercede. =)
As I have been sitting, I have had some wonderful prayer times and some time for reflection. People have come to mind (probably many of you) and I have been able to just pour my heart out to the Lord on their behalf and have some sweet communion with Jesus. This has been a year!
Yes, we are coming up on 1 year. This month. Boy do I feel it. Like I said, forced stillness makes your mind come alive. Literally. Here are some things that I have written down. Lessons learned. Milestones reached. Thoughts I have pondered all while marching toward the wonderful first "year" marker. Here's the list:
-I have never said the word "breast" so many times in my life as I have in this year.
-I learned that I have more strength and stamina than I ever knew or wanted to know that I had.
-I love where I am going, but have hated where I have been.
-I hate the word Cancer.
-I have learned you don't need breasts on your body, hair on your head, or female organs to feel like a woman, or to be feminine. You are who you are because of who He is. He loves you and when you grab hold of that truth, you will never be the same.
-Sometimes it is ok not to look in the mirror. It isn't a true depiction of who you are. Who you are is what is left when all the outside adornments are gone. Girls, develop pure gold that goes heart-deep.
-I have seen (and learned from experience) that all that is "lifted" isn't "gold". It takes a lot of pain to get there. Kudos to those brave souls who endure more than what I have had to!
-You don't alway have answers, but always tell the truth. Even if it is to lifes most difficult questions.
-I have made better choices, loved more, became a better friend, let go of some friends, and learned to walk guided by a "lamp" thru the Valley, all because of Cancer.
-I am thankful to write this because last year at this time I wasn't sure if I would have this day.
-Everything changes, but Jesus NEVER does. I promise. There have been places we have traveled where only He could come. I never felt alone. I felt scared, but never once was I questioning if He was there or not.
-If you have had a hysterectomy and you have to sneeze, have a pillow ready. I think I will have to have more reconstruction after reconstruction. Mercy.
-Prosthetics are over-rated. I had to relearn how to drive (not kidding) and I ended up hitting the curb because of them. They just get in the way. After a year without, it makes a girl question. ;)
-Laugh. And Laugh some more. Sometime things are just so rediculous and overwhelming that they just seem- funny. Don't ever stop laughing. It is good medicine for your soul. Keeps you young. Gives you great laugh lines (the only acceptable wrinkle) and lightens even the heaviest of loads.
-It's not fun to go through the change and have to tell people older than you (like your own mom) what it is like.
-I never want to have cancer again.
-I never want to go back to where I was before.
-They lie when they tell you your chemo weight will fall off of you. You have to work just as hard (if not harder) to work it off. But find peace with the pounds. Studies show that those who gain weight with treatment are more likely to have longterm survival. Now were talking. Peace with the pounds, people. Peace with the pounds.
-I still struggle with finding lumps and bumps (yes, I have some) and it literally make me dizzy and about drop me to my knees. But fear is NOT of God. Remember that. Greater is HE that is in US than he that is in this world.
Most of all, I am thankful for this journey. Yes, thankful. I don't know If I would ever have been able to see the attributes of God or the miracles He has before us, with out cancer. Sometimes the miracle is when He moves the mountain, and other times the greater miracle is when He chooses to take it down stone by stone, guiding us, holding our hand, and teaching us precious, unfailable truths about who He is. Emmanuel. God with us.
It is time for me to rest again. Going to sit in my recliner and think about this as the Christmas season draws nigh, about the way He has been with us.
And will be.
Always.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Resting.....AGAIN....=)
Here I sit once more.....resting.
Came home from the Hospital on Friday. Things went well, surgery was a success.
Went to the ER last evening due to getting sick to my stomach. All is well. They sent me home with some meds for nausea. That helps! Who knew you're supposed to eat when you take your meds....but how do you do that when you can't eat and keep anything down? And who knew that just because you don't feel pain your still supposed to take your pain meds for at least a couple of days? Not sure on that one. Thankfully, all is well and I am feeling great today. Just tired. Very tired.
My stomach doesn't hurt at all. Surprisingly it feels mostly like sore muscles once in a while, but then again, for some reason with surgeries, I have a crazy deal with pain. I just can't feel it. I know (NOW) when I am in it because I get dizzy, sick to my stomach and pass out. Crazy, right? Well, as soon as they gave me meds thru an IV, I felt great, but couldn't tell you what specifically felt better because nothing hurt. The ER doctor was so great. He said that people have different responses and he has seen others with the same thing, it is rare, but very real. So glad to have someone understand! LOL! It is round the clock for me. Timer setting, etc. I went in thinking I had maybe gotten the flu or something was obstructed, only to find out I needed to take my pain meds more regularly. How embarrassing!
You would have laughed if you could have seen me. Slowly walking thru the doors, my hair was sticking up all over the place, in my PJ's, with my puke bowl. To top it all off...I still have to wear the support hose they give you for surgery. H.O.T. Let me tell you. It was a stiff competition between me and everyone else's grandmothers.
Needless to say, I am happy to be home, and happy to be resting. My little guy has been spending a couple days with some friends. He is doing well. When I came home and he saw me, he just cried and cried and said that he wished things could go back to the way they were before I had cancer. Me too, buddy.
While I was waiting to go in for surgery I prayed that the Lord would show me a butterfly. Just to let me know He was still there. That seems to be His sign for me. Right before going in, they handed me a rehab pillow for holding my stomach with. It had church's and stars. I had been looking at the pillow and holding it for almost 30 mins. when Aaron says: "Hey look! There's your butterfly!" Sure enough, right on the tag was a big, multicolored butterfly. God is so good.
He is with me and today we are resting....again. =)
Thanks for your prayers!
Came home from the Hospital on Friday. Things went well, surgery was a success.
Went to the ER last evening due to getting sick to my stomach. All is well. They sent me home with some meds for nausea. That helps! Who knew you're supposed to eat when you take your meds....but how do you do that when you can't eat and keep anything down? And who knew that just because you don't feel pain your still supposed to take your pain meds for at least a couple of days? Not sure on that one. Thankfully, all is well and I am feeling great today. Just tired. Very tired.
My stomach doesn't hurt at all. Surprisingly it feels mostly like sore muscles once in a while, but then again, for some reason with surgeries, I have a crazy deal with pain. I just can't feel it. I know (NOW) when I am in it because I get dizzy, sick to my stomach and pass out. Crazy, right? Well, as soon as they gave me meds thru an IV, I felt great, but couldn't tell you what specifically felt better because nothing hurt. The ER doctor was so great. He said that people have different responses and he has seen others with the same thing, it is rare, but very real. So glad to have someone understand! LOL! It is round the clock for me. Timer setting, etc. I went in thinking I had maybe gotten the flu or something was obstructed, only to find out I needed to take my pain meds more regularly. How embarrassing!
You would have laughed if you could have seen me. Slowly walking thru the doors, my hair was sticking up all over the place, in my PJ's, with my puke bowl. To top it all off...I still have to wear the support hose they give you for surgery. H.O.T. Let me tell you. It was a stiff competition between me and everyone else's grandmothers.
Needless to say, I am happy to be home, and happy to be resting. My little guy has been spending a couple days with some friends. He is doing well. When I came home and he saw me, he just cried and cried and said that he wished things could go back to the way they were before I had cancer. Me too, buddy.
While I was waiting to go in for surgery I prayed that the Lord would show me a butterfly. Just to let me know He was still there. That seems to be His sign for me. Right before going in, they handed me a rehab pillow for holding my stomach with. It had church's and stars. I had been looking at the pillow and holding it for almost 30 mins. when Aaron says: "Hey look! There's your butterfly!" Sure enough, right on the tag was a big, multicolored butterfly. God is so good.
He is with me and today we are resting....again. =)
Thanks for your prayers!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Once in a while....
Today I am finishing up my cleaning. The house should be spotless! =)
Tomorrow is surgery...9:30am.
Every once in a while I just get down right frustrated. Perhaps I don't handle stress well. Or maybe I just don't like being overwhelmed. Or what if I am just plain sick of this stuff? So, what do I do?
I cry. I get angry. Time, once again, slows WAY down. Silly stuff fades away. And I am once again reminded that sometimes the miracle isn't in watching the mountain move, but in the way He takes it down, piece by piece and holds my hand the entire way.
I don't like this, but I am not camping here. There is too much to life than to let this shackle itself to me. Part of coping with things in this life is handling what has been given to you. What do we do when things are given to us? We do something with it.
The next 6-8 weeks will find me resting....and resting....did I mention resting? I think I will be sick and tired of that before I am ready to be off restrictions, so I would appreciate your prayers in that. In all of it. I am going to be writing some more, and of course Netflix and I will be close friends. =)
Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. This is just one of those days. Thankfully, they don't last long anymore. It just comes and goes....every once in a while.
Tomorrow is surgery...9:30am.
Every once in a while I just get down right frustrated. Perhaps I don't handle stress well. Or maybe I just don't like being overwhelmed. Or what if I am just plain sick of this stuff? So, what do I do?
I cry. I get angry. Time, once again, slows WAY down. Silly stuff fades away. And I am once again reminded that sometimes the miracle isn't in watching the mountain move, but in the way He takes it down, piece by piece and holds my hand the entire way.
I don't like this, but I am not camping here. There is too much to life than to let this shackle itself to me. Part of coping with things in this life is handling what has been given to you. What do we do when things are given to us? We do something with it.
The next 6-8 weeks will find me resting....and resting....did I mention resting? I think I will be sick and tired of that before I am ready to be off restrictions, so I would appreciate your prayers in that. In all of it. I am going to be writing some more, and of course Netflix and I will be close friends. =)
Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. This is just one of those days. Thankfully, they don't last long anymore. It just comes and goes....every once in a while.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Preparations..........
Someone asked me if I get nervous for surgery. (????)
Yes; I think you would feel the same way. =) These things are NEVER easy. I don't like to be under anesthetic, have pain meds and require help to do basic things. I am a go-get'er so when I am down I start to get restless.
This go round, being the third surgery of the year, I decided I would be more prepared. More organized.
So, here's what I've been up to....
Laundry, laundry and more laundry. Tyring to get everything washed, dried, ironed, and put away. Bedding, winter clothes and regular apparrel.
Stocking up on reading supplies. I LOVE the Library! =)
Collecting more paperwork, preparation stuff, and more paperwork for filing purposes. You should see the envelope for cancer reciepts and papers.....our tax lady is going to LOVE us this year! =)
Yes; I think you would feel the same way. =) These things are NEVER easy. I don't like to be under anesthetic, have pain meds and require help to do basic things. I am a go-get'er so when I am down I start to get restless.
This go round, being the third surgery of the year, I decided I would be more prepared. More organized.
So, here's what I've been up to....
Making lists and more lists of things to do and remember. This looks pretty good. I was able to do a lot yesterday...but the post-it above the pen has about 13 tasks crammed on it of things to clean and remember not to forget. LOL!
My rapidly growing shopping list.
Cade is making his own preparations:
Not really sure what the hanger is for, but the animals and the pillows are for me to love on while I am down and so I won't be lonely. He would like you to know their names...I won't point them out, you can just guess: Melvin, Mr. Frog, Lamby, Lambkins, Turtle, Frogger, Alligator Manners, Yertle, and Horton. I don't think I will lack for entertainment.
Here is a funny I will tell on myself.
Yesterday Cade was home with an ear infection. While that part isn't funny, the rest of the day was. I had called his ENT, thinking that he would just call me in a Rx, like he usually does. Not yesterday. We had to get ready and go in for an appointment.
In the meantime, I notice that I am starting to have cold symptoms and feel really sore under my arm, and neck. So, I call my surgeon and they decide that I too need to be seen. Perfect.
I take Cade in, and we were early, they put us in a room and forget about us. Literally. A half hour into it, I walk up to the front desk and ask if we had been forgotten. "No" they assured me. So I go back in and wait some more all the while listening as they page the nurse that took us back 4 times! She had gone to lunch. I wasn't upset, just starting to get put out....I had a lot to do that day, and didn't have time for a sick kid let alone a long wait in a stuffy room. 35 minutes later Mr. Doctor comes in and the first thing he says, "We forgot about you in here! I am so sorry. I wasn't late and we wrote you down as a no show."
His nurse returned from her lunch and was ticked...get this: AT ME.
I decided that perhaps her blood sugar was low and Ms. Grumpy Pants should take a longer lunch next time.
So, we made a couple of stops to finish out our costumes for the evening activites, and rounded off our trip with a stop at Grandma's. Everyone knows that Grandma's are good for lovin, huggin, candy, and sympathy when you are sick. That's where that boy wanted to go, so I obliged and we had a great visit, only as we were getting ready to leave, Cade notices that my keys are missing. They are in the car. And the car is locked.
*Sigh*
I want you to know- I have NEVER done this. EVER. I can't say the same about locking myself out of the house, but the car? Nope.
Did I mention that I have been a little busy lately? And also that the three times I locked myself out of the house was within the past month? Yes, you read it correctly- 3 times in 4 weeks. What a dork.
Aaron is a gem. Seriously. He laughs at me when I do this stuff. I thought for sure I was going to get a reprimand at least, but no...he just says something about chemo brain and pregnancy brain (he is speaking from previous experience) going hand in hand, and has a great time telling his friends at work about his wife and her crazy shenanigans.
The issue resolved itself when I got ahold of our great friend Erik who happens to be a State Trooper. He was able to unlock the car AFTER I had to leave WITHOUT my purse. I took my mother in laws vehicle, sped the whole way there. I wasn't sure how to really tell him that I had to leave....with out my license. But I did and he was gracious. =)
I would like to say that my 'key' story ended there, but this morning when I went to take Cade to school he found my keys. In the door. I had come in, locked the door with my keys still hanging in the lock the night before and never realized until this morning.
Getting back to the nervous thing....I don't know if it is nerves, or just plain overwhelmed with all this stuff. But, you gotta give a girl a break and laugh with her.
Laughter is such good medicine!
Friday, October 28, 2011
The Pumpkin Patch in Pictures.....
We had a great time at the Pumpkin Patch. It was not only warm, but WINDY! Here are the pictures for Grandma and Grandpa....(and everyone else.)
He found his "winner"!
He picked a beaut! =)
Notice the wind......my earring is blowing sideways! LOL!
They had a lot for the kiddos to do. Play areas, mazes, and a petting zoo.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Fun, fall festivities....
I love fall. The colors, smells, amazing sunsets. Everybit of it is incredible.
Today I am excited. I get to take a small pause out of life and go with Cade on his field trip to the pumpkin patch. I cannot wait! Hayrides, pig races, pumpkin patch dotted with tons of bright orange pumkins. Even better is- it is going to be 80+ degrees! Yeah! Perfect day! (I will post pictures when we get back)
Yesterday was a FULL day. So full in fact that I was busy putting my letters in the mailbox, only to realize that I had left my car in drive...and it went driving down the road without me. Thankfully I had left my door open. Wow. That had to be about the biggest blonde moment I have EVER had. Funny thing is, I'm not really blonde anymore! Go figure.
Cade has been saving and saving his allowance. Last evening after school, I took him to go and spend it. He thinks and thinks exactly what he can get, to make it work out to getting the most items for his money. I remember doing the SAME thing when I was his age. I would figure out my total amount and then start figuring. We came home with a keyboark (just a small one), OLIVIA book, modeling clay and a pizza making playdoh factory. I don't normally do that. As you can tell, it had been MONTHS since he last was able to spend his money. We have him give his tithe from each dollar he makes, and then he just loves collecting money. (don't we all?) He rarely complains about saving it. I love that about him. He isn't a greedy kid. He does the normal asking for things once in a while, but he knows that eventually when we get new things, that we are going to have to get rid of the old ones. He HATES that. He gets rather attatched. So, he is careful about buying/asking for things until he knows what he wants to clean out. His mom HATES clutter. He LOVES it. Not sure where he gets his hoarding mentality. (like keeing his baby toys) He loves to share, and if he knows the kids that are getting his toys, he won't stop giving them away. Gotta be careful with that kid- he's a live wire!
Cade told his friends last week, that "he didn't know what happened to him....(he went to Christian school) and just fell in love. I don't know whats wrong with me, but I met my wife....head over heels. I even kissed her twice....on the arm- don't tell a soul!" He slaps his hand over his forehead and just shakes his head. What a crack up! What a little casanova. Guess I need to tell him he'd better start saving his allowance again. =)
Today I am excited. I get to take a small pause out of life and go with Cade on his field trip to the pumpkin patch. I cannot wait! Hayrides, pig races, pumpkin patch dotted with tons of bright orange pumkins. Even better is- it is going to be 80+ degrees! Yeah! Perfect day! (I will post pictures when we get back)
Yesterday was a FULL day. So full in fact that I was busy putting my letters in the mailbox, only to realize that I had left my car in drive...and it went driving down the road without me. Thankfully I had left my door open. Wow. That had to be about the biggest blonde moment I have EVER had. Funny thing is, I'm not really blonde anymore! Go figure.
Cade has been saving and saving his allowance. Last evening after school, I took him to go and spend it. He thinks and thinks exactly what he can get, to make it work out to getting the most items for his money. I remember doing the SAME thing when I was his age. I would figure out my total amount and then start figuring. We came home with a keyboark (just a small one), OLIVIA book, modeling clay and a pizza making playdoh factory. I don't normally do that. As you can tell, it had been MONTHS since he last was able to spend his money. We have him give his tithe from each dollar he makes, and then he just loves collecting money. (don't we all?) He rarely complains about saving it. I love that about him. He isn't a greedy kid. He does the normal asking for things once in a while, but he knows that eventually when we get new things, that we are going to have to get rid of the old ones. He HATES that. He gets rather attatched. So, he is careful about buying/asking for things until he knows what he wants to clean out. His mom HATES clutter. He LOVES it. Not sure where he gets his hoarding mentality. (like keeing his baby toys) He loves to share, and if he knows the kids that are getting his toys, he won't stop giving them away. Gotta be careful with that kid- he's a live wire!
Cade told his friends last week, that "he didn't know what happened to him....(he went to Christian school) and just fell in love. I don't know whats wrong with me, but I met my wife....head over heels. I even kissed her twice....on the arm- don't tell a soul!" He slaps his hand over his forehead and just shakes his head. What a crack up! What a little casanova. Guess I need to tell him he'd better start saving his allowance again. =)
Thursday, October 20, 2011
A little afternoon project.....
Below are some photos of my afternoon project....just for fun!
These were so much fun to make. Just a note however- if you try this....don't put too much icing on the cupcakes; leave the cupcakes in the cupcake holder while decorating, and putting the butterflies on...and yes....it IS messy....but totally fun!
On a side note- I have surgery (hysterectomy) November 3rd and would appreciate your prayers. Thank you in advance. Praying all goes well, and I have NO complications, a speedy recovery, and that menopause isn't THAT bad for me! Ha!
On a side note- I have surgery (hysterectomy) November 3rd and would appreciate your prayers. Thank you in advance. Praying all goes well, and I have NO complications, a speedy recovery, and that menopause isn't THAT bad for me! Ha!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
At last......
At Last.......the Dr called with my results. All labs and biopsies are NORMAL. Praise the Lord!
I will get a call tomorrow to set up my surgery. It will probably take place in a couple of weeks. *sigh* Relief, but dread all at the same time. Each time they try to describe what they are planning to do, I say the same thing, "don't tell me, just do what you 'gotta do, and do it well, please." We'll discuss details later- if necessary. =)
Hair cuts happened tonight. It cracks me up. We have the same routine every 3-5 weeks.....go out to the garage, sit on a chair, cover up with a towel and look down. Now imagine Cade's point of view....lets try and dodge the clippers at every swipe, and don't forget the theatrics. Surely this time Mom will give up....we have done this for 5 years. He should know by now that I have the patience of Job, and will wait him out every time. He makes me smile.
I never like to hear the word "never" so I have been slowly working things into my routine that they thought I could "never" do again. Ah....the sweet challenge. You could say I am stubborn, but I like to use the word: determined. Why set boundaries on something only the Lord controls? Until He sets the limits, we have to keep trying. Obeying Him at every turn. I love that about people, don't you? When they face impossible odds, they rise up against them, and experience sweet victory through Faith?
Max Lucado wrote a book called, "Cast Of Characters." I love each and every story. I can find myself right smack dab in the middle of most of them. With tears, I was nearing the end of the book when I glanced over to my Bible, layed open to Hebrews 11. Talking about Faith. Over and over there were more stories, written out almost the same as in Mr. Lucado's book. Out jumped vs.6: "and without faith it is impossible to please God..." Against odds. Outstanding Faith. Upsetting of dreams. Life changes. And still, He knows, He hears, He loves, He heals, He cares, and He is near. So near, that in our crisis of belief he stands waiting and ready to hold us. Hold fast.
Just this past Sunday, I was waiting for Aaron and Cade to unlock the chruch. We arrived first, so they entered the back door, and walked through the church and over to the side entrance to let me in. While sitting in the car waiting on them, I was able to watch the sun rise. The awesomeness was breath-taking. I wouldn't say it was a voice, but a reminder ran through my thoughts that sometimes the darkest part of the night, is right before the morning. Perhaps that is where you find yourself. In the blackest part of night. Cold, broken, and just about out of hope. If you are, let me share with you something that blessed my heart when I was feeling the same way: (paraphrased from Mr. Lucados' book)
"Could there have been a greater tragedy for John than a dead Jesus?...John didn't know on the Friday what you and I now know. He didn't know that Friday's tragedy would be Sunday's triumph.....why did he linger after Jesus died?....To others, Jesus was a miracle worker. To others, Jesus was a master teacher. To others, Jesus was the hope of Israel. But to John, he was all of these and more. To John, Jesus was a friend....(and) you don't abandon a friend. He had a habit of doing this. John chose to linger. And because he lingered on Saturday, he was around on Sunday to see the miracle.....Through the rags of death, John saw the power of life.....God is given to such practices...In his hand empty wine jugs at a wedding became a symbol of power. The coin of a widow becomes a symbol of generosity. A crude manger in Bethlehem is his symbol of devotion. And a tool of death is a symbol of his love. Should we be surprised that he takes the wrappings of death and makes them the picture of life?.......could God do something similar in your life? Could he take what today is a token of tragedy and turn it into a symbol of triumph? .....Don't leave. Hang around. Because he loved him, he stayed near him.....As hard as it may be to believe, you could be only a Saturday away from a resurrection."
Will you stay with me? Near Him? He is the ONLY one that matters. He is just a prayer away. Ask him to forgive your unbelief. I did. It's a risky prayer, but one he welcomes with open arms. It isn't without pain. God chose for me to walk through "the valley" so that I could learn that He alone can bring me out as well. I didn't ask for it, nor did I like it. But I never want to go back to the way things were before. Because I don't know if I would have believed without experiencing it. He allowed me to go through this to see with my eyes...faith. I can almost hear him say to me, "Erin...you see. You get it. You believe in me. Really believe. Finally,......at Last!"
I'm a slow learner. Never say "never." And through this process of forced patience, I have learned to linger....at last.
I will get a call tomorrow to set up my surgery. It will probably take place in a couple of weeks. *sigh* Relief, but dread all at the same time. Each time they try to describe what they are planning to do, I say the same thing, "don't tell me, just do what you 'gotta do, and do it well, please." We'll discuss details later- if necessary. =)
Hair cuts happened tonight. It cracks me up. We have the same routine every 3-5 weeks.....go out to the garage, sit on a chair, cover up with a towel and look down. Now imagine Cade's point of view....lets try and dodge the clippers at every swipe, and don't forget the theatrics. Surely this time Mom will give up....we have done this for 5 years. He should know by now that I have the patience of Job, and will wait him out every time. He makes me smile.
I never like to hear the word "never" so I have been slowly working things into my routine that they thought I could "never" do again. Ah....the sweet challenge. You could say I am stubborn, but I like to use the word: determined. Why set boundaries on something only the Lord controls? Until He sets the limits, we have to keep trying. Obeying Him at every turn. I love that about people, don't you? When they face impossible odds, they rise up against them, and experience sweet victory through Faith?
Max Lucado wrote a book called, "Cast Of Characters." I love each and every story. I can find myself right smack dab in the middle of most of them. With tears, I was nearing the end of the book when I glanced over to my Bible, layed open to Hebrews 11. Talking about Faith. Over and over there were more stories, written out almost the same as in Mr. Lucado's book. Out jumped vs.6: "and without faith it is impossible to please God..." Against odds. Outstanding Faith. Upsetting of dreams. Life changes. And still, He knows, He hears, He loves, He heals, He cares, and He is near. So near, that in our crisis of belief he stands waiting and ready to hold us. Hold fast.
Just this past Sunday, I was waiting for Aaron and Cade to unlock the chruch. We arrived first, so they entered the back door, and walked through the church and over to the side entrance to let me in. While sitting in the car waiting on them, I was able to watch the sun rise. The awesomeness was breath-taking. I wouldn't say it was a voice, but a reminder ran through my thoughts that sometimes the darkest part of the night, is right before the morning. Perhaps that is where you find yourself. In the blackest part of night. Cold, broken, and just about out of hope. If you are, let me share with you something that blessed my heart when I was feeling the same way: (paraphrased from Mr. Lucados' book)
"Could there have been a greater tragedy for John than a dead Jesus?...John didn't know on the Friday what you and I now know. He didn't know that Friday's tragedy would be Sunday's triumph.....why did he linger after Jesus died?....To others, Jesus was a miracle worker. To others, Jesus was a master teacher. To others, Jesus was the hope of Israel. But to John, he was all of these and more. To John, Jesus was a friend....(and) you don't abandon a friend. He had a habit of doing this. John chose to linger. And because he lingered on Saturday, he was around on Sunday to see the miracle.....Through the rags of death, John saw the power of life.....God is given to such practices...In his hand empty wine jugs at a wedding became a symbol of power. The coin of a widow becomes a symbol of generosity. A crude manger in Bethlehem is his symbol of devotion. And a tool of death is a symbol of his love. Should we be surprised that he takes the wrappings of death and makes them the picture of life?.......could God do something similar in your life? Could he take what today is a token of tragedy and turn it into a symbol of triumph? .....Don't leave. Hang around. Because he loved him, he stayed near him.....As hard as it may be to believe, you could be only a Saturday away from a resurrection."
Will you stay with me? Near Him? He is the ONLY one that matters. He is just a prayer away. Ask him to forgive your unbelief. I did. It's a risky prayer, but one he welcomes with open arms. It isn't without pain. God chose for me to walk through "the valley" so that I could learn that He alone can bring me out as well. I didn't ask for it, nor did I like it. But I never want to go back to the way things were before. Because I don't know if I would have believed without experiencing it. He allowed me to go through this to see with my eyes...faith. I can almost hear him say to me, "Erin...you see. You get it. You believe in me. Really believe. Finally,......at Last!"
I'm a slow learner. Never say "never." And through this process of forced patience, I have learned to linger....at last.
Monday, October 17, 2011
100 posts......
Today is my 100th post.
Quite an accomplishment actually- one that I never really set out to do, or even thought to write down to "accomplish."
Isn't that funny how life does that to us? When I started this blog, I had NO idea what I would write about, or that I would actually "like" writing. I couldn't figure out who (besides family) would read my musings about life, love, and living a life of godliness.
So here I sit. Rain is pouring down outside. Aaron is at school. Cade is home from his school and watching TV. I have just finished a couple of loads of laundry and am about to tackle the ironing. I should be cleaning or something more constructive, but that can wait. I decided to write about a little something....
Something called: Friendship
We all have them. Know some. Love many, dislike a few. They are many things to us and have the ability to carry many hats all at a time. Friends. Dependable, strong, bold, loving, thoughtful, energizing, encouraging and down right maddening at times. Don't you just love them?
This past year, I have been the recipient of the blessings that come from friendships. Childcare, meals, letters, phone calls, hugs, laughter, tears, help cleaning the house, just sitting down with me, praying, encouraging, and even helping me dress. While some of these things are limited to specific times in our life, many of these things carry through and over a lifetime.
Friendships take time. Trust. Nurturing.
I have been silly enough to let hurt feelings and unforgiveness live with me long enough to almost destroy a "best" friendship. The funny thing is, is that even in their absence (however long) no one or no one thing can replace them. That's what takes them to the "best" category.
It takes: time on the phone, laughing until your sides ache, Listening and knowing when to talk or when to shut up, Forgiving all the little things that can bring a big thing down, like a friendship, And forgiving all the big things as well.
Yes, I have learned a lot about frienship- particularly as it is mentioned in 1 Corinthians..."...Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 13:4-8
Does that sound familiar? It's very popular at weddings, yet actually is talked about directly after dealing with "we are all one body." Perhaps there was division in the church that the Apostle Paul was writing about. Perhaps there was just some discussion. Either way, it stands today as a template of which all friendships (and marriage) should be molded after. I WANT this type of friendship and am striving to BE that type of friend.
The difficult part? Well........me. Self. Pride. Hang-ups. We all have them. BUT....we don't have to live by the old self any more AFTER we are made new in Christ. He is in the restoring business and He rehabs the flunks- like me, after we have fallen and can't get back up again.
As I write, I keep thinking of the Judd's song, "Love can build a bridge." Remember that one? Well, besides the tune being crooned over and over, and then stuck in my mind, I cannot help but recognize the truth that lies in the first words of the chorus: "Love can build a bridge, between your heart and mine....don't you think it's time?"
You know what is under a bridge? A lot of water.
Learning to love myself has taught me how to love like a friend should. It took being scarred and bald for me to come to the end of "me," and see so much more, like building bridges instead of trying to find another way around.
Let the water alone. Let it stay under the bridge. Hold fast to the words of Pauls letter to us in God's word. Don't hold a record of wrong. Jesus doesn't. If we are striving to be more like Him, than we are going to start seeing evidences of Him in everyday life, including our friendships.
And just so you know, there ARE times when closure doesn't come. Unfortunately I have learned that too. But learn from this as well... Love THEM and YOURSELF enough to let it go. Build bridges where you can. Don't ever try to burn them. Forgiving them and yourself is actually for you- not them. It allows you to move on and heal. It affords you the opportunity to overcome the many obstacles that come with "messy" friendships.
The friends that hurt us the most are often the ones we have loved the most. Sometimes the truth hurts so much that it can divide, if we let it. Other times we hurt each other out of our own hurt. (Sad, isn't it?)
Friends have played a vital role in my life this past year. That is why I am dedicating this 100th post to you...... my friends.
Quite an accomplishment actually- one that I never really set out to do, or even thought to write down to "accomplish."
Isn't that funny how life does that to us? When I started this blog, I had NO idea what I would write about, or that I would actually "like" writing. I couldn't figure out who (besides family) would read my musings about life, love, and living a life of godliness.
So here I sit. Rain is pouring down outside. Aaron is at school. Cade is home from his school and watching TV. I have just finished a couple of loads of laundry and am about to tackle the ironing. I should be cleaning or something more constructive, but that can wait. I decided to write about a little something....
Something called: Friendship
We all have them. Know some. Love many, dislike a few. They are many things to us and have the ability to carry many hats all at a time. Friends. Dependable, strong, bold, loving, thoughtful, energizing, encouraging and down right maddening at times. Don't you just love them?
This past year, I have been the recipient of the blessings that come from friendships. Childcare, meals, letters, phone calls, hugs, laughter, tears, help cleaning the house, just sitting down with me, praying, encouraging, and even helping me dress. While some of these things are limited to specific times in our life, many of these things carry through and over a lifetime.
Friendships take time. Trust. Nurturing.
I have been silly enough to let hurt feelings and unforgiveness live with me long enough to almost destroy a "best" friendship. The funny thing is, is that even in their absence (however long) no one or no one thing can replace them. That's what takes them to the "best" category.
It takes: time on the phone, laughing until your sides ache, Listening and knowing when to talk or when to shut up, Forgiving all the little things that can bring a big thing down, like a friendship, And forgiving all the big things as well.
Yes, I have learned a lot about frienship- particularly as it is mentioned in 1 Corinthians..."...Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 13:4-8
Does that sound familiar? It's very popular at weddings, yet actually is talked about directly after dealing with "we are all one body." Perhaps there was division in the church that the Apostle Paul was writing about. Perhaps there was just some discussion. Either way, it stands today as a template of which all friendships (and marriage) should be molded after. I WANT this type of friendship and am striving to BE that type of friend.
The difficult part? Well........me. Self. Pride. Hang-ups. We all have them. BUT....we don't have to live by the old self any more AFTER we are made new in Christ. He is in the restoring business and He rehabs the flunks- like me, after we have fallen and can't get back up again.
As I write, I keep thinking of the Judd's song, "Love can build a bridge." Remember that one? Well, besides the tune being crooned over and over, and then stuck in my mind, I cannot help but recognize the truth that lies in the first words of the chorus: "Love can build a bridge, between your heart and mine....don't you think it's time?"
You know what is under a bridge? A lot of water.
Learning to love myself has taught me how to love like a friend should. It took being scarred and bald for me to come to the end of "me," and see so much more, like building bridges instead of trying to find another way around.
Let the water alone. Let it stay under the bridge. Hold fast to the words of Pauls letter to us in God's word. Don't hold a record of wrong. Jesus doesn't. If we are striving to be more like Him, than we are going to start seeing evidences of Him in everyday life, including our friendships.
And just so you know, there ARE times when closure doesn't come. Unfortunately I have learned that too. But learn from this as well... Love THEM and YOURSELF enough to let it go. Build bridges where you can. Don't ever try to burn them. Forgiving them and yourself is actually for you- not them. It allows you to move on and heal. It affords you the opportunity to overcome the many obstacles that come with "messy" friendships.
The friends that hurt us the most are often the ones we have loved the most. Sometimes the truth hurts so much that it can divide, if we let it. Other times we hurt each other out of our own hurt. (Sad, isn't it?)
Friends have played a vital role in my life this past year. That is why I am dedicating this 100th post to you...... my friends.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Normal........
Of course I had to write and let you know that I just had great news!
My CA-125 came back NORMAL.
Biopsy reports are still pending, but looking good in the preliminary.
*sigh*
I think I will sleep peaceful tonight.
Until next time,
Erin
My CA-125 came back NORMAL.
Biopsy reports are still pending, but looking good in the preliminary.
*sigh*
I think I will sleep peaceful tonight.
Until next time,
Erin
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Waiting.....again.........
I am tired.
SO very tired.
Of Cancer.
Today I had an appointment to rule out some problems I was having. Don't expect "simple med change" if they tell you that. To the point- I ended up having a biopsy, an ultrasound and a blood test. Most of the symptoms I had can belong to 12 different problems that are unrelated or not cancerous.
In short, I have to have a hysterectomy to resolve some of the issues, but in the process, they decided to rule out problems, and are making sure that none of these issues are caused from Ovarian Cancer, thus the need for the blood test and biopsy. (!!!) I about have heart failure at just the thought! The Dr. does not think that is a concern, but like he said, we need to rule it out.
PLEASE pray that these tests are normal. I can go thru the surgery, I just don't want to go in knowing that I HAVE to have it. Does that make sense? I don't want to go thru Chemo again. I don't want to struggle with these things either, but such is life.
To be honest, after I had my crying fit, I was thankful. Yes, thankful because there is no concrete evidence that I won't get other hormone related cancers, like Ovarian Cancer. I always thought I would elect to have this surgery if I could, but up until this point, all my Drs were against it. All thought it would be best to wait. I could never figure out why I would want to wait and worry and wait again. Now, however, I won't have to struggle thinking about what "could be" at least in that department. The pending tests will determine how soon I have to have this. Reconstruction will wait for now. No big deal.
God is good. I know that this has been sifted thru His hands and comes as no surprise to Him. I am simply tired and have a headache. He had brought me to this and will bring me through it. He will not leave me now, we've come too far! I am just having a bad day. Cancer stinks.
Results should be in, in about a week. And so, we wait......again.
SO very tired.
Of Cancer.
Today I had an appointment to rule out some problems I was having. Don't expect "simple med change" if they tell you that. To the point- I ended up having a biopsy, an ultrasound and a blood test. Most of the symptoms I had can belong to 12 different problems that are unrelated or not cancerous.
In short, I have to have a hysterectomy to resolve some of the issues, but in the process, they decided to rule out problems, and are making sure that none of these issues are caused from Ovarian Cancer, thus the need for the blood test and biopsy. (!!!) I about have heart failure at just the thought! The Dr. does not think that is a concern, but like he said, we need to rule it out.
PLEASE pray that these tests are normal. I can go thru the surgery, I just don't want to go in knowing that I HAVE to have it. Does that make sense? I don't want to go thru Chemo again. I don't want to struggle with these things either, but such is life.
To be honest, after I had my crying fit, I was thankful. Yes, thankful because there is no concrete evidence that I won't get other hormone related cancers, like Ovarian Cancer. I always thought I would elect to have this surgery if I could, but up until this point, all my Drs were against it. All thought it would be best to wait. I could never figure out why I would want to wait and worry and wait again. Now, however, I won't have to struggle thinking about what "could be" at least in that department. The pending tests will determine how soon I have to have this. Reconstruction will wait for now. No big deal.
God is good. I know that this has been sifted thru His hands and comes as no surprise to Him. I am simply tired and have a headache. He had brought me to this and will bring me through it. He will not leave me now, we've come too far! I am just having a bad day. Cancer stinks.
Results should be in, in about a week. And so, we wait......again.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Fall...
Don't you just love the colors of fall? Just looking out my window makes me so dog-gone happy I just want to go out, rake up a huge pile of the fallen colors and just dive right in. I know, sounds crazy to some, but I just LOVE it!
Every day I have the privilege to take Cade to school. Our normal route is closed down, so a detour is a must....but I have to say, I am thankful, because along this detour is the MOST AMAZING COLOR TOUR EVER. Seriously! I would snap pictures if I weren't driving. It is the curviest, dirt road you will ever meet, but one that is amazingly rich. Like an artists paintbrush, dripping drops of a multitude of colors all around. The best part? I get to see it four times a day! Pure beauty.
This week has been one for the records. You ever have those? You have the great stuff, as mentioned above, and then the not so great stuff. Runny noses, messes, coyote's waking you up all hours of the night while they "gracefully" move through. Arghh!!!! To top it off, we had to take a cow to the butcher shop. Now for those of you who aren't familiar with animals I will let you in on a little secret: Animals NEVER load well, especially when you are wanting them to. I will leave it at this: he arrived where he needed to arrive at, and we are still in one piece, salvation in tact.
Being covered in cow poop for a day brought back a lot of memories- for both of us. It also put me in mind of something I read from John Piper. He said that marriage is like a field of flowers, lush green grass, just like a peaceful meadow, or calm trails that are favorites along a mountainside. But occasionally we step into cow pies. And another, and another. He relates these to the things that we dislike and really dislike about our spouse. You know, the annoying habits, etc. In short, what he and his wife Noel have learned over the years is to create a compost pile of sorts and start piling up the cow pies. Sure, your back may be tired and aching, but the work is well worth it. Keep shoveling, and clearing the way. The only time you need to visit the compost pile is to move forward. Perhaps you have to walk by for some humility, ownership, or forgiveness. But, don't ever camp there. Move on to the more beautiful, peaceful areas. Those are the things that make life beautiful. Just as the beautiful fall colors vary from state to state, depending on temperatures- so do marriages differ from one another. NEVER get caught in the trap of comparison. That is a sure weapon that will be used to tear down what God so careful constructed.
This has been a year for the records. Each day brings me closer to my "one Year" mark. Amazing isn't it? Talk about full circle! As I mentioned before, I am writing, and writing, and writing. It isn't that I have so much to say, but trying to put some things into words for the first time....whew! Emotions are like a roller coaster on some days. Ironically, I was getting ready to write about living life with a glimpse of what it would be like thru a cancer patient, when we had another scare. This time with Aaron...
He had a tightness in his throat for the past 6 months. (He had told me only 2months- so I wouldn't worry, but the truth came out when I decided to go with him to his appt.) The Dr. thought it was acid reflux. Gave him a prescription and then ordered an ultrasound of his neck. Well, the U/S was supposed to take place on Monday. Remember the cow? That is why we were crunched for time. He got there on time and was told everything looked normal.
The next day I receive a call from the Dr's office. "We need Aaron to come in and discuss the "findings" with the Dr." To say I was upset is putting it mildly. Things like this make me more than a little jumpy. I have learned the hard way that something so "routine" and "normal" sometimes isn't. Yesterday he went in and they told him that he has a tiny "cyst" on his Thyroid. They cannot tell if it is cancer or not at this point. It is 2mm. (About the size of the end of a pen) They will check it in 2 months and if it is larger, they will biopsy it. The size is just too small for them to do anything with. What we have found out is this- worse case scenario? Early stage Thyroid cancer. Best case? Just a fluid filled cyst. What a deal! I am thankful they found it. The Dr said this was a fluke. The throat tightness? Just acid reflux, caused from????? Stress. Go figure. I reminded Aaron that (assuming that the stress is due to the cancer and not some annoying trait of mine) he needs to keep the cow pie theory in mind just in case. Compost, don't camp! LOL! This too shall pass.
When I mentioned the roller coaster of emotions, you'd better believe it. That is putting it mildly. I was thankful, but mad. Oh, I was mad! Why? SO many questions but little to no answers. I feel like I have had enough! Our plate hasn't exactly been empty since a short time after we were married. My mind wanted to wander and just be angry, but you know what? That isn't the problem. The issue comes when we take our eyes off of Jesus. Some of life's greatest blessings come out of these seasons. And you know what? For the first time, Aaron was able to really understand the value I now place on life, where before he mentioned not really being able to see. He saw the urgency of turning the small, little, wonderful thing of life into BIG things. And to minor on the things we often major on. Life is precious. Plain and simple. It just turns those leaves into a more vibrant color than before-for both of us.
Am I still mad? At times, yes. I am human and wonder "why us?" It frustrates me to watch friends pull away from us because our load is too heavy to bear and share. Believe me, I know. I HATE it, but have no choice in it except my attitude. Makes me wonder who will help them when it is their turn. Makes me wonder why some people have it so easy. It makes me realize that bearing with one another is a life time pursuit. Not just something we miraculously have in heaven. Not just in marriage, but in friendship. These lessons are hard. The lessons we learn thru these seasons are like being molded by fire. We don't choose which hardships we're given. The trees that I LOVE to watch as the colors shift and change didn't get to the point where I could see them by hiding behind others, or getting out of the wind. They are the way they are because they stood thru the storms, sank their roots down deep, and grew. They learned they could bend but didn't have to break. The same with us, We simply live and learn as we are supposed to. With humility, grace, forgiveness, and thankfulness. And we grow.
Yes, I am thankful. Thankful for life, family, friends, time, healing, frustrations and even "the fall." It makes me just that much more aware of my need for Him- daily. Guiding me, leading me, forgiving me, loving me, carrying me, and picking me up again from my numerous, clumsy falls......
Every day I have the privilege to take Cade to school. Our normal route is closed down, so a detour is a must....but I have to say, I am thankful, because along this detour is the MOST AMAZING COLOR TOUR EVER. Seriously! I would snap pictures if I weren't driving. It is the curviest, dirt road you will ever meet, but one that is amazingly rich. Like an artists paintbrush, dripping drops of a multitude of colors all around. The best part? I get to see it four times a day! Pure beauty.
This week has been one for the records. You ever have those? You have the great stuff, as mentioned above, and then the not so great stuff. Runny noses, messes, coyote's waking you up all hours of the night while they "gracefully" move through. Arghh!!!! To top it off, we had to take a cow to the butcher shop. Now for those of you who aren't familiar with animals I will let you in on a little secret: Animals NEVER load well, especially when you are wanting them to. I will leave it at this: he arrived where he needed to arrive at, and we are still in one piece, salvation in tact.
Being covered in cow poop for a day brought back a lot of memories- for both of us. It also put me in mind of something I read from John Piper. He said that marriage is like a field of flowers, lush green grass, just like a peaceful meadow, or calm trails that are favorites along a mountainside. But occasionally we step into cow pies. And another, and another. He relates these to the things that we dislike and really dislike about our spouse. You know, the annoying habits, etc. In short, what he and his wife Noel have learned over the years is to create a compost pile of sorts and start piling up the cow pies. Sure, your back may be tired and aching, but the work is well worth it. Keep shoveling, and clearing the way. The only time you need to visit the compost pile is to move forward. Perhaps you have to walk by for some humility, ownership, or forgiveness. But, don't ever camp there. Move on to the more beautiful, peaceful areas. Those are the things that make life beautiful. Just as the beautiful fall colors vary from state to state, depending on temperatures- so do marriages differ from one another. NEVER get caught in the trap of comparison. That is a sure weapon that will be used to tear down what God so careful constructed.
This has been a year for the records. Each day brings me closer to my "one Year" mark. Amazing isn't it? Talk about full circle! As I mentioned before, I am writing, and writing, and writing. It isn't that I have so much to say, but trying to put some things into words for the first time....whew! Emotions are like a roller coaster on some days. Ironically, I was getting ready to write about living life with a glimpse of what it would be like thru a cancer patient, when we had another scare. This time with Aaron...
He had a tightness in his throat for the past 6 months. (He had told me only 2months- so I wouldn't worry, but the truth came out when I decided to go with him to his appt.) The Dr. thought it was acid reflux. Gave him a prescription and then ordered an ultrasound of his neck. Well, the U/S was supposed to take place on Monday. Remember the cow? That is why we were crunched for time. He got there on time and was told everything looked normal.
The next day I receive a call from the Dr's office. "We need Aaron to come in and discuss the "findings" with the Dr." To say I was upset is putting it mildly. Things like this make me more than a little jumpy. I have learned the hard way that something so "routine" and "normal" sometimes isn't. Yesterday he went in and they told him that he has a tiny "cyst" on his Thyroid. They cannot tell if it is cancer or not at this point. It is 2mm. (About the size of the end of a pen) They will check it in 2 months and if it is larger, they will biopsy it. The size is just too small for them to do anything with. What we have found out is this- worse case scenario? Early stage Thyroid cancer. Best case? Just a fluid filled cyst. What a deal! I am thankful they found it. The Dr said this was a fluke. The throat tightness? Just acid reflux, caused from????? Stress. Go figure. I reminded Aaron that (assuming that the stress is due to the cancer and not some annoying trait of mine) he needs to keep the cow pie theory in mind just in case. Compost, don't camp! LOL! This too shall pass.
When I mentioned the roller coaster of emotions, you'd better believe it. That is putting it mildly. I was thankful, but mad. Oh, I was mad! Why? SO many questions but little to no answers. I feel like I have had enough! Our plate hasn't exactly been empty since a short time after we were married. My mind wanted to wander and just be angry, but you know what? That isn't the problem. The issue comes when we take our eyes off of Jesus. Some of life's greatest blessings come out of these seasons. And you know what? For the first time, Aaron was able to really understand the value I now place on life, where before he mentioned not really being able to see. He saw the urgency of turning the small, little, wonderful thing of life into BIG things. And to minor on the things we often major on. Life is precious. Plain and simple. It just turns those leaves into a more vibrant color than before-for both of us.
Am I still mad? At times, yes. I am human and wonder "why us?" It frustrates me to watch friends pull away from us because our load is too heavy to bear and share. Believe me, I know. I HATE it, but have no choice in it except my attitude. Makes me wonder who will help them when it is their turn. Makes me wonder why some people have it so easy. It makes me realize that bearing with one another is a life time pursuit. Not just something we miraculously have in heaven. Not just in marriage, but in friendship. These lessons are hard. The lessons we learn thru these seasons are like being molded by fire. We don't choose which hardships we're given. The trees that I LOVE to watch as the colors shift and change didn't get to the point where I could see them by hiding behind others, or getting out of the wind. They are the way they are because they stood thru the storms, sank their roots down deep, and grew. They learned they could bend but didn't have to break. The same with us, We simply live and learn as we are supposed to. With humility, grace, forgiveness, and thankfulness. And we grow.
Yes, I am thankful. Thankful for life, family, friends, time, healing, frustrations and even "the fall." It makes me just that much more aware of my need for Him- daily. Guiding me, leading me, forgiving me, loving me, carrying me, and picking me up again from my numerous, clumsy falls......
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