Call me crazy, but there is something quite healing in getting your hands dirty and planting new and beautiful things. The same shock they experience the first few days/weeks is quite like my own as I reflect on the past year.
About 4 weeks ago I began planting plants. Almost on the verge of obsession. I dislike starting something and leaving it unfinished. Last year we left the front landscaping bare after we poured time, sweat and money into redoing the whole thing. New cedar logs, black paper, river rock....
One year later I am back at it and with a vengence. I am not your typical planter. Symetry has its place, but in my garden you will find a blend of the unique, the great, the small, but beautiful, each and every one. After much $ and consternation from my man, I am finished with the front and on to the the back. I love the fact that homes have four sides. =)
Much like the shock the plants go through, they (like their gardener) need the tender loving care daily from their master. Water, support, or fertilizer...He knows exactly what is needed to pull them through. Sometimes I am convinced whether plant or person, we sometimes just need the blessed touch of Jesus. The simple lifting up of a head bowed down.
This week was one of the busiest weeks I have had in a while. Though I am healthy and getting stronger every day, I will admit that this last week found me taking lots of naps. Sleeping late when I could and often going back to bed after my dear friend Melissa picked the kiddos up for school. I used to be ashamed of such habits in my life, but I have learned that to be the best mama I can be, is to take the time to listen to my body. "Getting stronger" doesn't mean that I am "There" yet. But I am on my way...and any one knows that when you are strength training, it is often the best not to power through the pain or the tiredness. To avoid injury, one must rest.
During this week I noticed something. I didn't want to deal with the shock factor that had come into my life from being transparent and being transplanted. I needed that tender touch.
-My writing deadline was coming up.
-Cade's birthday was fast approaching.
-T-ball was in full swing.
-And mother's day was here again.
I found myself visiting with a friend, and while driving in her car towards a shopping center, we drove past the Imaging Center for Women where I had been diagnosed. Instantly my mouth opened and tears began to fall unchecked as memories, painful ones that I had never visited, came flowing out.
...I remember walking across that parking lot, the nurse holding my films. I didn't even want to touch them. They were changing my life in a way that I never wanted. I thought to myself "this cannot be happening". I cried against the steering wheel of Aarons truck for 10 minutes. It was the kind of crying that leaves you hoarse and you never made a sound. The prayers unspoken, being interpreted by the Spirit as only He can.
Calling Aaron and asking him to meet me before his class started.
Calling and telling my parents that they suspected cancer and tests would soon follow.
My best friend being out of town, I called her and hearing her grief as she tried to be strong for me telling me she loved me and that things were going to be ok. Hearing the faith she tried to put into her words as she was choking over her own grief for me.
Feeling so alone, but at the same time feeling safe....
My sweet friend...while driving, just listened. I am sure I had her worried! =)
Everywhere I looked last week I saw new life. Flowers, babies, expectant mothers. And right along with those memories the Lord touched a tender spot in my heart and began transplanting my old thoughts and replacing them with new ones. Remember the tender touch that was needed for this bowed head? He came, and He lifted me.
To be continued....
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