The end of this month marks a significant time for me. It was when I finished Chemo. One year in remission.
*sigh* of thankfulness.
Many of you know of our journey with trying to adopt. To save you a long story, to this point of our lives it has been unsuccessful. Cade is our little miracle baby and we are so very thankful.
I have come to appreciate many people in my life that have such a strength in them. Those women who like us all have the echo of eternity in their hearts, yet wait on the Lord as their God given roles as mothers goes unanswed. Empty arms cry desperately to be filled.
I am not an expert, nor have I ever experienced even half of what they have, yet I have had dreams go unfulfilled that I believed were from the Lord. I have often found myself asking, begging, pleading with Jesus to answer my hearts cry, especially in this area.
It is no mystery that I would love to have another. We were once again preparing to adopt a little girl. The nursery was complete, clothes bought, lawyer on hold, but the mother was uncomfortable with my medical history and chose another couple to parent their child. We found out about a week ago.
To say that I was disappointed would be correct, but remember the touch?
The Lord has taught me that nothing in this world can make me less of a woman. No Mastectomy. No Hysterectomy. No certain number of children. No amount of friends. No lack of estrogen and No barrenness of womb....NOTHING can make any of us less than a woman.
Do you know what?
I have NEVER felt more feminine than I do right now, having experienced all of the above.
To say that this lifted head has found a new purpose would be an understatement. We were made for more than just what this world offers. Though our arms are empty, and dreams seem lost: HOPE has come in the form of this.....A little baby, who saved the world. Who looks at us with love and sees our barrenness of soul and responds by honoring us who long for a child, with a child of His own. One that has the power to fill our hearts and save our soul.
My perspective needed to change. I was looking down and He lifted my head. He had to teach me. Sort of like tuning an instrument. It takes time, accuracy and pressure, but what is brought forth is perfect melody in perfect pitch. (I am hoping...)
I had to learn to laugh again like Sarah.
I had to learn to sing again like Hannah.
I know that now Mother's day has past, but as we were encouraged yesterday in church...comfort the motherless, the childless, the mother's in your life. Honor each one as is appropriate. Because where ever they are at in their walk through this life, they are changing the world. They are carrying out their God given destinies. They were made for more than just a day and a title. They were made with eternity in their hearts and are teaching us much about faithfulness, love, trust and hope. May that day serve, from this day on, to remind us to tune our own hearts to sing His praise.
However the sheet music is written.
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