Redeeming the time...

Another year has gone by....reminds me of the Celine Dion song off her Christmas album.

How “funny” is it that this year: I’m at home, wrapped up, throwing up, and on the eve of my lung biopsy.

To catch you up quickly—July came, and with it my yearly trip to the dr. (Oncologist.)
While there, he said everything looked good but that my tumor markers were elevated. This led to more testing, several other scans, other drs, and now last week, was the final test to be done on my lungs to monitor spots they felt were “benign.”

In short—they’ve grown—not substantially, but enough that now they’re getting “excited.”
Coupled that with the news that my tumor marker went from 22, up to 84, and then 95....and stabilized there but this time—came back at 156.

Oh crap.

In the words of my Oncologist, “at least they’re not in the 1,000’s!” Yes, there’s that. Always that.
I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to sit back and reflect about just HOW MUCH I loved being in remission, etc. So now, on the eve of the unknown I’m not going to wow you with wit or wisdom.

I’m scared. Hoping and praying. And fully prepared for the “Even if.” Well as prepared as I can ever be. It is a delicate balance to hold hope and reality in both hands.

Especially when (before you know it), another year has gone by.

Redeeming the time...the best I know how.

The Bloom of Fall...

     The seasons are changing. Before our eyes, another one has come and gone, giving way to winter—a time of settling in. Preserving.

       I wish I had the foresight to preserve everything I know from all of the lives of loved ones I’ve known. The type of eyesight to take everything in and frame it on the walls of  my memory.  You know? So that on the days that are hard, the walk through memory lane is one of instant joy and remembrance, and that this life is a good, good life.  Because this life is good. Real good. 

     The lessons we learn through the changing seasons are the lessons we need to keep moving forward. We can’t just live in the good times, or even in the bad times. It’s just how God made it. If winter lasted too long, we would forget the joy that the bright green blades of grass through the snow bring. Or the new baby calves resting on the hills?  How about the blazing sun rises? A statement that Spring has sprung. 

     Fall is the same way. The letting go so that something new can bloom.  At least that’s what grandma said.  Just before she died a few short weeks ago. What an awesome privilege it was to go to her bedside and love on her. When it was just us, we shared the things we wanted most for the other to know. Her children and grands formed a sort of honor guard around her those last days. Liquid love and memories spilled freely down our faces. The funny thing is? She hardly cried. 

                                           

    Grandma was the type of person that could listen without judgement. Counsel without scorn and love us all the way through to better decisions, all the while saying, “Now what are you going to learn from this? It’s yours now to deal with.”  Grandma was the type of person that wasn’t super long on words. Don’t get me wrong, she could talk, but she was huge on accepting responsibility. We were raised to take ownership of ourselves and our actions. No excuses.  She treated each person is if they were the only person in the room. Her grandchildren and her children could even say that we all felt like we were “the favorite.” She made us feel that way, because she lived it. Close to the end she told us that this was her time. She lived and loved well and she had zero regrets. There is NO doubt with her last breath she let us know...We were her favorite. 

    And this fall we are learning that it is our time to bloom.  

    Hallelujah, grandma—grandma-great—Mom—friend—confidant—encourager...

you are home. 

When Someone Else Is Talking...

I have been reminded of a valuable lesson.

I've completed my training at the three clinics I'll be working at. My goodness I had a great time! I love doing what I do. I forgot how much I loved it. The Doctors, staff, the patients...all of it.

My memory, skills and coordination were tested over this past month. Skills I haven't used in 13 years...and then some.

Everything I had to learn, from the Computer systems, new dosing, treatments, tubes, lab values, procedures...nothing prepared me for the realization that this world needs people who will listen. 

I never dreamed something so simple would mean so much. Oh, but it does.

Of Everything I did to prepare for this job, listening was key. At every turn, my trainers unknowingly taught me this. How I wish the world would teach us or offer a class on this. But they don't.

So WE NEED TO BECOME THE TEACHERS. 

Bless the brave girls...

that helped me train. Everyday they listen and hear between the lines. They fight battles unseen because sometimes, this body and this earth cannot do for us what we want it to. 

Make us happy.

ONLY GOD can bring this type of healing. And the world needs to hear this message!!! 

The difficult pill to swallow is one called "MORTAL." There's a difinitive beginning and ending.
And in order for us as "teachers" to be able to teach, we have to get really good at separating the truth from the lies because, words? They are POWERFUL. And in order to hear them, we need to listen.

And become the trainers that will teach truth...and train others to listen to TRUTH's voice.

In order to be heard we have to  LISTEN when Someone else is talking...

and give them Jesus.

Words, Work, Sharks and ALL the things...

Let's talk a minute about auto-correct.  I have a love/hate relationship with it. Before you consider becoming a full time, self advertised editor, I should let you know, there are a few errors.

For as "Smart" as my phone is, it CANNOT figure out that I am thanking the LORD for all the THINGS He is doing for people. How are they supposed to take me serious when auto-correct sends the message that I thank the "Lird for all the thongs." Bless the Lord, not Lird.

 At speech, Libbi was showing great interest in a marble run. I thought, "sure! A marble run.  We have one of those, and we can work on her speech homework while we do it." I dug through all the toys in the closet and came up with Cade's old one from several years back. We had never put it together. (Please don't tell grandma.) So I decided on this rainy day to have this bonding time with Libbi. You know, for one hot second have the appearance of having it together.

Three hours in, Aaron suggests I pitch the thing in the trash, because she probably wouldn't play with it anyway.

Perish the thought.

 The next time someone decides to give us a complicated Gift like that, somebody better hold my earrings.

I think I died a little through that "bonding" experience.

After a 13+ hiatus, this mama is going back to work! "Back in the day" I was a (full time) Medical Assistant; I'll be filling in at three different clinics, PRN. Fun stuff!!! The timing was perfect, which made the decision just that much easier!

Speaking of decisions, my sweet spouse made one for us this week that has left me speechless. He purchased a floating shark. ''Tis true. Be jealous. We are on probation for such things for all of eternity. He will no longer handle such matters.

I could go on, but I think I'll leave things right there. 

Easter is on us and I'm sending up prayers that Libbi won't be asked to help pick up communion cups after service. Last time, she  licked out EVERY cup she picked up. 

And I was the one who got strep throat. Jesus be near. 

Blessings, 

Erin 

Busy

 I've been a little busy lately.

 We went to Orlando for a week. Had a great time!  I will mention that we spent more on ER visits, urgent care,  and antibiotic's than we did at Disney. Folks--that's a lot. Poor Elsa, by the time we left her, she had a green smear on her dress. Bless all the Disney characters during the flu season! PS: we are all fine. I cannot say how the folks at Disney are doing.

And, I've been doing a little updating. Below are a few pictures that I took during my renovations. I like to paint, but mostly I do it so I can decorate at the end! ( that's our secret. ) There's a process here. My husband doesn't even hold his breath anymore.





And I have no idea where 

Yes, I do. I just recalled my youngest deleting all my before and after photos of the painting I just finished. And instead, she took this.
A special photo of her circle she drew on a screen shot of my group apps.  I think she has a gift. Of circles.

We've stressed over science fair projects and Math problems.

I've attempted wall displays a church. I'm just the lay-out crew. When it comes to hanging things..."good enough" is my favorite phrase. Not every one agrees.

I was back in the ER with little princess who was once again sick...thank you stomach flu. Thankful it wasn't her appendix. Never so glad to be wrong. ***who knew the flu caused knee-buckling-side-pain.

So on this snowy/grayish day, I'm taking advantage of the quiet. The kids are outside playing, and I am finishing up here. I had started painting this morning while trying to be productive when Libbi promptly put her whole self into the paint. Got it on the wall and in her hair and all over her shirt and pants and fingers and feet. You get the picture. We go the all in, as you can tell. We aren't quitters.

I don't have much to say except have a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious day. I wish for you a day of happy memories, sunshine, and a good dose of laughter. It'll cure what ails you.

Grace and peace,

Erin

A Series of Firsts...

 This week has been a lot of "firsts" for the Shafer family.
First time at speech therapy for Libbi.
First time at Taekwondo for Cade. There's a first time for everything.

 This girl amazes me with her resilience. Her busyness, her non-listening skills, and then her ability to laugh. At everything. I'm not sure where she gets that from. The laughing part, that is.

 Her therapy session for speech is at 8:30 in the morning.  On Mondays, every Monday, for the next six months. Let me just say, that's early.
 Bless the therapist. She (Libbi)  is up, but doesn't regularly "do" mornings.  She likes her cereal in her cartoons. In that order.

 I needed another reason to adore Mondays. Bless.

Her posture and whole demeanor changed when she learned how to say "s" like (her words) a "big girl!" She was so proud. At the end of class she even dropped her "Shark" she picked out (for an animal that begins with the letter "s") like a "mic-drop" moment.

The drama in our house never goes far.

Cade interviewed (and passed), and  began Taekwondo twice a week. He LOVES it! His teacher is  One of a kind; "excellence" comes to mind when I think of her.  She began her interview by asking how he treats people. His mom, dad, sister, friends, schoolmates, you get the drift. As he stood there listening, he had his arms folded. And she asked him to stop. Much to my surprise she said that would be the last time he would need to do that. As folding or crossing the arms is a sign of disrespect and no one deserves that.

That'll preach.

 As you can see, by the pictures, they believe in routine and discipline. This particular routine consisted of army crawls, running, skipping, whole body jump/leaps, and push-ups. Back-and-forth, back-and-forth, And back-and-forth until the instructor said they were done.

Every exercise is repeated at the beginning of the class.  One last thing to note, she has each student  salute the flag, by placing their hand over their heart and bow with their eyes the ground. Not out of another persons dominion, but out of submission. Interestingly enough, as I sat there relishing the 55 minutes of freedom from mommin', (don't judge), I was pulling out my Kindle on my phone when the     Pledge of Allegiance began. As one accord, the entire place stood to do their feet salute the flag.

Except me.

This was my FIRST DAY.

 I tried to convey that in my look that passed between myself and the instructor, as she turned and gave me the stink-eye.  I looked at the lady next to me as I jumped to my feet, and begin reciting the pledge.

All she said was "yeah".

***special thanks for the solidarity***

 You'd better believe I was the last one to sit down.
 I decided I was gonna ride out the reverence. For the flag of course.

So yeah, there's a first time for everything. And in some cases that a good thing.

Have a great weekend, y'all!

Hugs, Erin

Libbi turns 4!

Just how in the world did that happen! Libbi celebrated her 4th birthday. 

FOUR!!! 

It seems just like yesterday she had just come home from the hospital, fist raised in victory

 as sleep claimed her tired body. Birth is such hard work. 

My heart over-flows...

After my last post on "Disappointment," I heard from several of you. Its wonderful when we can be of encouragement to each other. Bless you for writing me and letting me know!! 

This cold weather has us wrapped tight and looking for warmer days. But not too quickly! Let them be little a bit longer. She still fits in my lap. This little lady, at four years old is still a petite little peanut. She loves peanut butter and Strawberry Jelly sandwiches; hates getting a bath if it includes washing (is there any other???). She adores and annoys her older brother and can hold her own through humor and jokes. And she can hold still long enough for me to get a few precious moments on camera! 

Since my photos didn't load from last week, I'll share one of my favorites from last week. 

Bless you for stopping in!