Living....

The painting process is coming along. I have affectionately been nicknamed- "the one armed bandit" by Cade. He is understanding more and more each day- which is good and sad for me all at the same time. I still hate for him to have to go thru this, but GOD is GOOD. I trust Him.

This week we are touching up paint, finishing the drywall, mold testing will be complete, vent systems cleaned, and we will have carpet in less than a week! We are looking at moving this time next week. This has been a great project....one that we are ready to relinquish, but proud of the accomplishment all at the same time.

People have asked me again and again if I should be doing this. The answer is yes. The Dr. told me at the beginning that I could live with cancer, or cancer could live with me. In making my decision to fight this thing, I determined I would not be defined by cancer. Once again, like my good friend penned down for me...I don't have cancer, my tent does. BUT.......not A.N.Y.M.O.R.E.  Lord willing it will stay this way. All glory to Him.

Yesterday I had another treatment. It was number 9, (fourth) of the new tx. I went back to the new house and painted when I was done. Yes, I took it easy, but I have to tell you...I was so excited. My tumor marker that was elevated (at 74) last time had dropped a HUGE 40 points in the last 6 weeks. That is the hand of the Lord. I am now at 34 and anything below 35 is considered normal. The Dr. told me last Thursday to keep living as I have done. He said it bring life to the body. If you would have seen me when I came home, you would have laughed! He also told me I could do light push ups. So I tried....
Let's just say that I have some work to do. I have virtually NO pectoral muscles left, so my light, half push up from my knees ended in failure for the moment, but I continue to try and rebuild what was lost. I guess you could say that I struggled, but am determined to finish.

The same determination led me to the Susan G. Komen site to see where the nearest race was. The nurses have begged me/encouraging me to go b/c the world needed to see more survivors. This is what I learned.....

Each year you can build a team and run "for a life". That life can be someone you run to honor, to support, or to run in prevention. When I say run...you can run, walk, or "sleep-in". I love the options. Each team creates a t-shirt, and if you get the largest group that raises the most money, your t-shirt is displayed on their website and your story is told to encourage and inspire others. You don't just have to run in one city. From what I understand there is a date in August where everyone competes in the city nearest them holding this race.  It is up to the team captain to assemble each team and take a t-shirt to the nearest Komen Center. BTW, 75% of all the proceeds go to give screening/preventative care to those who cannot afford it, or for those who's insurance doesn't pay. Sadly,  yes....that is the case and unfortunately there is a law that is close to being passed that will push baseline screening back to 55 or older (unless the patient has complications earlier). If this would have been in place, I doubt I would have this story to tell. I didn't have the "normal" cookie cutter symptoms. It would have been YEARS before I would have found this and by then it would have metastasized. Wow.

I don't understand why the Lord wakes me up at 3:00 am. Perhaps it was just to spend time with me. This "bandit" has had to hit and miss on my quiet time due to a variety of reasons. Nevertheless, when I woke up I knew it was time to write. To write for a cause.

I am not typically one who tries to rally support for any particular cause, but this cancer has given me a voice, a cause and a passion to fight for others. Yes, both men and women. If statistics hold true, that is one in every 2.8 will get this. I don't know if you caught that, but I will not be alone in this. The tears are falling as I write this for so many reasons. I wish I could fight this once and for all. For every mom/dad with young children. For every mom/dad watching her daughter fight, while they are forced to the sidelines. For every daughter/son who watches her mom struggle thru this awful thing. For every dad, husband, son who may get this, but more likely will watch their daughter, wife, or mother struggle. Over and over, far too often this happens. Oh, how I wish there was a cure!

So, I have decided to compete. My body is very frail, struggling with the ups and downs from steroids.  But I am getting stronger. Each day doing a little more. I have my mom working on a FLY STRONG t-shirt w/ a cool butterfly design and the verse from Ps. 27 that says "I would have despaired had I not had hope that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." I am running for life. To honor the fallen. To inspire those to put their hope in a living God. He is good. I don't care if I have to crawl or be carried, I am determined to finish well, not first. I have entertained the idea of getting a team together to see how many we can get across the states. Let me know if you are interested.
The survivors wear pink shirts that day. Some of the survivors who finish first often run back to find the new girls, and they finish with you holding your hands in the air. It stands for more than just finishing with tears on your face. You ran for life. For yours and mine. It puts me in mind of what Heaven will be like. Only there, you won't have sorrows or even tears (although I don't know how you can't cry when you see the Lord), but more importantly your life will be eternal- not fleeting. You see, we are all running for a cause in more ways than one. Each one of us has our own motivation and things that make us "tick".  My purpose in this, is to get my mind off of my own motivations and join with those who are focused on celebrating life and as for me...I believe the world needs more than just pink ribbons and a cure. They need a touch of the nail-scarred hands found only in a loving Savior. His name is Jesus- the ONLY cure our souls need. But how can they know if we never tell them? If we never show what He has done, how can we blame them for not believing?

As for the race?...This is simply something small that I can do to help others who have or will go thru this. To try to help raise awareness and drive the statistics down. Seriously, it is difficult to relive this thing and to hear about others' stories. It overwhelms me and quite frankly I still would rather be anywhere than here. But, in order to give glory to the Lord, the focus cannot be on me, but on Him and what He is doing thru this. Bald, broken, but believing, I am determined to show the world the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living....any way I can.