Resolution..........

Just before Christmas I had a revelation. A big one.

You know what I mean? The kind that stop you in your tracks and make you ponder it. Pray about it. Put it on the back burner until you can finish thinking the thing through. Do you know what I mean?

The decorations had been up for weeks. Presents were purchased, wrapped and under the tree in record time.

In the early hours one morning as Aaron had just left for work, I sat in my chair doing my devotions.
I had been trying to keep my old resolution of reading through the Bible in a year. Again. And I didn't do so hot.

Again.

Anyone following me?

Regardless, I decided to read The Christmas Story.

People waiting in expectation for something that was different that what they thought.

Jesus. King of Kings........in a manger. A baby is not exactly throne-potential, but nonetheless they worshipped Him. Gave Him everything. Why? Because they believed in Him.

I caught myself being a bit melancholy as the season approached. Until I had realized the reason. It boiled down to this. I was disappointed. I was feeling let down by the swaddled wrapped King. I had felt as if I'd been given a promise of a baby. A girl. Surely it would be by now, right?

But you know what? He hadn't said yes up to this point. I wasn't feeling like a "no" but waiting, hoping, praying, and holding out- Wait. Was that it? The WAITING? Waiting for something I thought He was going to give me? Holding out for it and at the same time holding that part of me out too? Not volunteering b/c I "may" get a baby. Not making the extra room into an office because "what if" was an all too familiar question that had plagued us for 5 long disappointing years.

The disappointment by those who were intent on worshiping the King was short lived by the worshipers. God heard. He knew. He provided.

He did the same for me. He gave me life. My husband. My son. Our church. This heart to adopt? Perhaps he gave us that to love HIS children as He loves us. To love on them as we would our own.

I began to see what He HAD given us. The "yes's" were EVERYWHERE.

I was on to something. The part of my heart I held back, led to me not giving my all in others areas. All because I thought I KNEW what I was looking for. Sorta like putting a baby on a throne to rule. Seems sorta silly now as I look through hindsight. God has given me more than I ever hoped for.

The weight of the 5 years of waiting was gone. Lifted.
I felt joy. The old Erin coming around again. I'd been so focused on waiting for the Royal purple and crowned figure to just pop up out of the crowd, that I was overlooking the King of Kings in the manger. Born that we would have life. Shown to the shepherds who raised sacrificial lambs as THE Lamb of God who would take away the sins of the world. Shown to men who thought themselves wise, that HE would be the only wise KING.

He promised me what? Himself. His presence. Emmanuel.

If we never adopt? All the "what ifs"? All of it is in His hands. But what are we going to do with what He HAS given us?

We will worship. We will serve Him.

Honestly?

I have no disappointment. TRULY. My heart is free. And when I bring my gifts to Him, they are with everything I have.

My new resolution? To stay in the word. Because even though I haven't been able to keep up my end of things, His Word is STILL changing me because He completed His....

PS
I did make a second resolution to redecorate the extra room into an office, but that will have to be part 2.
I was in the middle of repainting that room when.......