It's sort of a numbing pain.
I was putting up the lawn mower deck and (since it was raining, wet, wearing sandals and well...you get the picture). I stepped down hard on the deck pedal, and yeah...my foot slipped off. In the wrong direction. Not a good combo. The pedal collided with the inside of my ankle. Directly on the bone. It hit a vessel and quickly swelled to a nice little purple knot. Very attractive.
Then numbness.
It feels the same way on the inside of me as well. Only not so funny this time.
Sherry went home, dancing. She is fully healed and fully alive in her spirit. Normal is now sorta like limping along, knowing that one day you will feel again and operate in a somewhat familiar way. More wary. More teary. More like living with a deeper revelation of life, because of pain.
I've struggled with knowing how to write. I want to pour out my thoughts. Shout out my anger and frustrations. Sob out buckets. And even laugh at some fond memories I have. Such an up and down of emotions, clearly NOTHING close to what I know her family, and dearest friends are feeling. The amazing thing about her, is Sherry let others win.
We are grieving. Random memories flood in and fill my eyes. Darn it, I'm just sad and learning how to move forward.
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