I recently read an article, by John Piper, about using New Years as a way to remember our days—sort of like a dress rehearsal, for our death.
Interesting.
Why would this be important?
Why should I think about my death? “...numbering our days...” “remember our days...”
I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I do know, when we do this: the Lord is PLEASED. And how do I know this, You might ask??? Well there is a promise tucked in there that those of us who seek—will get a heart of wisdom. Wise. Wisdom. Above all: get wisdom.
Wise is the man who seeks the Lord, stays near the Lord, especially during these important times.
Do you ever wonder why in the world Christ doesn’t just come and make all things right? Correct the mistakes; heal the sick; forgive the haters; and on and on this list could go Annihilate those who don’t believe...ok, that got a little dark...🤣.
Anyhow...my scans came back clear! I’m “stable” which is good to know something in my life is! 🤣
I’ll be having a brain MRI in two weeks to rule out some abnormal behaviors...😬. Other than that—if all comes back clear, I’ll continue on plan.
So now, I’m curled up on the couch...cuddled up tight with a blanket, pretending the howling winds are actually waves on a warm beach somewhere nice...with a cold beverage in my hand to refresh myself with. (no alcohol.)
With the new year comes new decisions, and watching all the promises go straight out the window...oddly I find it refreshing, and amusing. Just take ONE DAY AT A TIME. That is how we get anything done. And then, do the next right thing. (Thank you Anna from Frozen 2).
Best wishes this cold and windy January! 💖
Wednesday, January 8, 2020
Tuesday, December 17, 2019
“The most wonderful time” they said...
It’s that time of year again, you know—Christmas season (as Thanksgiving FLEW right past). And the Flu-Influenza. Diarrhea. Throwing up. Yes, we have caught it all. At different times we would be able to fight it off. Not this time—it struck with the youngest not once—but twice. Because once was not enough...🙄 #eyeroll
That brings me to the next point—yes there is a point. Libbi is learning to ride her bike with no trainers. Suffice it to say, you are spared the screams of terror, though she is fully padded, etc. you’re welcome! 🤷🏼♀️😘
As I’m sure you are on the edge of your seat...basically I’m reading all these blogs, and felling oh so convicted to write. Share as I have DOZENS of ideas and stories to tell you all about. If I could just focus long enough to write them down.
Libbi has been a pill lately—making me reconsider all my parenting advice and suggestions. I quit! 🤪
Cade has been a star-instigator-of his sister. #shocker
He is adjusting to his sister meeting her milestones before he did #latebloomer
We had Christmas programs at the kids school. One was the above pic with Cade and his drama/play. And then Libbi sang several songs with her classmates:
That brings me to the next point—yes there is a point. Libbi is learning to ride her bike with no trainers. Suffice it to say, you are spared the screams of terror, though she is fully padded, etc. you’re welcome! 🤷🏼♀️😘
As I’m sure you are on the edge of your seat...basically I’m reading all these blogs, and felling oh so convicted to write. Share as I have DOZENS of ideas and stories to tell you all about. If I could just focus long enough to write them down.
Libbi has been a pill lately—making me reconsider all my parenting advice and suggestions. I quit! 🤪
Cade has been a star-instigator-of his sister. #shocker
He is adjusting to his sister meeting her milestones before he did #latebloomer
(Can you even with this blast from the past picture????? He is SO SUPER DARLING!)
And here he is in his school play, again notice the hat...still have a penchant for them. Little less “cute” but hey—it was for the play. He stars as “Justin” the teenage son working on a project with his sister and mom. Here he’s pictured with his “dad” and “sister”.
We had Christmas programs at the kids school. One was the above pic with Cade and his drama/play. And then Libbi sang several songs with her classmates:
So there you have the last several weeks of busy-ness of the Shafer’s.
No Christmas cards (again).
Friday, November 15, 2019
Success...how do you measure?
Hello.
This blog is so frustratingly difficult to write at the moment. I’m not really sure why—just seems like there is a mental block of sorts...blocking my way. I’m stumped! Do you ever feel like you have so much to say, but so little a space I do!!! Or that you’d bore people to tears...being too much, or too little? Where do I begin? What do I write about?
There’s always a starting place...so here is mine—beginning again, and again, and again. Over and over into a rhythm of thoughts that spur into action, that lead to redemption.
Redemption is such an incredible word—isn’t it? We want to KNOW that what we think, feel and especially how we experience life: will somehow be redeemed. Made new; brought to the forefront, and challenged. Spurring people forward: fall forward. Fail forward.
Failure is part of success. We learn. We grow, but how many times you get back up? That’s a redeeming story worth hearing and writing!
So here’s my suggestion for you...do it scared...fail if you have to—but fall (&fail) forward. You’ve got this!
“The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It’s what you’re made of. Not the circumstances.” – Unknown
This blog is so frustratingly difficult to write at the moment. I’m not really sure why—just seems like there is a mental block of sorts...blocking my way. I’m stumped! Do you ever feel like you have so much to say, but so little a space I do!!! Or that you’d bore people to tears...being too much, or too little? Where do I begin? What do I write about?
There’s always a starting place...so here is mine—beginning again, and again, and again. Over and over into a rhythm of thoughts that spur into action, that lead to redemption.
Redemption is such an incredible word—isn’t it? We want to KNOW that what we think, feel and especially how we experience life: will somehow be redeemed. Made new; brought to the forefront, and challenged. Spurring people forward: fall forward. Fail forward.
Failure is part of success. We learn. We grow, but how many times you get back up? That’s a redeeming story worth hearing and writing!
So here’s my suggestion for you...do it scared...fail if you have to—but fall (&fail) forward. You’ve got this!
“The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It’s what you’re made of. Not the circumstances.” – Unknown
Thursday, August 8, 2019
Cloudy with a chance of rain...
I don’t know about you, but sometimes I want to run...like literally/actually run—away from my life.
This morning dawned bright and the weather acted about how I felt. Partly cloudy with the chance of rain. How appropriate. There is a lot of H.E.A.V.Y stuff going on all around me. And quite frankly—life sucks at times. But there IS GOOD IN THIS, yes—even in this.
“There’s a time for everything,” the Bible says.
Just two weeks ago my friend Jana was asking me if I could get her in for a blood pressure check, except I wasn’t working that day. She was admitted two days later with Leukemia.
We lay her to rest on Saturday, as she died yesterday from complications of her fight.
It was so, so sudden. Shocking even. My heart aches for her family—I cannot begin to fathom what her family is going through.
Like I said—Running away...sounds pretty fantastic.
I’m laying here in my bed as Libbi sleeps fitfully in the next room—(she’s always been a flipper in her sleep). Cade sniffles himself to sleep in the next room beside hers. Aaron too. Sigh.
Watching them go through this has been so difficult. I have no words.
And that’s ok.
The magnitude of “what if’s” has hit my family HARD. The stone cold reality that we all have a date with death and for the Christian, only temporary parting.
Parting here on this earth is scary because this is simply all we know—& for my kids—their kids, it’s terrifying thinking of losing a mother/anyone is terrifying.
I’ve decided to run...and keep running to the feet of the Father. The safest place to hide...Under his sheltering presence. He holds our hearts, tears and yes, even our fears.
Remember: fear is just an acronym for “False Evidence Appearing Real.”
Fear is a liar.
Oddly enough, my timeline memories popped up and showed me that it’s been a whole year (today) since I found out my cancer has returned in my lungs. So I’ll need to keep breathing and getting my endurance breaths in and out. And it’s a great reminder to keep doing this life-thing as I have been learning/singing/praising to Resurrection. The only Power that can raise the dead to life...is Jesus. Reminding me to live. Keep breathing...and for goodness sake...quit holding my breath!
I don’t have a neat little package to pull this all together—but just know; the world continues on it’s axis; and no matter what this month, next month, or even next year brings—He is in control.
And for now I’m running to the pace of cloudy with a chance of rain.
This morning dawned bright and the weather acted about how I felt. Partly cloudy with the chance of rain. How appropriate. There is a lot of H.E.A.V.Y stuff going on all around me. And quite frankly—life sucks at times. But there IS GOOD IN THIS, yes—even in this.
“There’s a time for everything,” the Bible says.
Just two weeks ago my friend Jana was asking me if I could get her in for a blood pressure check, except I wasn’t working that day. She was admitted two days later with Leukemia.
We lay her to rest on Saturday, as she died yesterday from complications of her fight.
It was so, so sudden. Shocking even. My heart aches for her family—I cannot begin to fathom what her family is going through.
Like I said—Running away...sounds pretty fantastic.
I’m laying here in my bed as Libbi sleeps fitfully in the next room—(she’s always been a flipper in her sleep). Cade sniffles himself to sleep in the next room beside hers. Aaron too. Sigh.
Watching them go through this has been so difficult. I have no words.
And that’s ok.
The magnitude of “what if’s” has hit my family HARD. The stone cold reality that we all have a date with death and for the Christian, only temporary parting.
Parting here on this earth is scary because this is simply all we know—& for my kids—their kids, it’s terrifying thinking of losing a mother/anyone is terrifying.
I’ve decided to run...and keep running to the feet of the Father. The safest place to hide...Under his sheltering presence. He holds our hearts, tears and yes, even our fears.
Remember: fear is just an acronym for “False Evidence Appearing Real.”
Fear is a liar.
Oddly enough, my timeline memories popped up and showed me that it’s been a whole year (today) since I found out my cancer has returned in my lungs. So I’ll need to keep breathing and getting my endurance breaths in and out. And it’s a great reminder to keep doing this life-thing as I have been learning/singing/praising to Resurrection. The only Power that can raise the dead to life...is Jesus. Reminding me to live. Keep breathing...and for goodness sake...quit holding my breath!
I don’t have a neat little package to pull this all together—but just know; the world continues on it’s axis; and no matter what this month, next month, or even next year brings—He is in control.
And for now I’m running to the pace of cloudy with a chance of rain.
Saturday, May 4, 2019
In the Waiting...
No one likes to wait.
No one.
In the doctors office (that I work at), if we are running behind, the patients will ask how long its going to be. And often times they reschedule if they cannot wait, or they will roll their eyes and take a seat back out in the waiting room and rehearse a nice long rant for the nurse (*me*) and let us have it. Knowing this, we try to get patients back within a reasonable amount of time. It is a lot less complicated.
I was waiting recently for a lab draw, for myself this time...and after 45 minutes I was a bit nervous. Squeamish to put it correctly. No one called for me. They gave me a pager; but it didn't go off.
So you know, I drive an hour one way for this appointment, and everything is timed out so that we can get it all done in the span of a couple hours. It is exhausting and very LONG, so any perceived "Wait time" is over the top. In my opinion. *smile*
I asked the lady at the check in desk: How much longer? And she politely smiles and says that there is "just one ahead of you ma'am." And sure enough, my name was called, and I was in and out in no time. Only to go up to the exam room on the third floor and find out they drew the wrong labs.
Sigh.
And sigh again.
It all straightened out, but the waiting (again) was rough.
That's when I knew: it will always be this way. Waiting on __________ (fill in the blank). God is looking for our responses in the waiting. Will we trust? Will we rant and rave? Will we wait?
Like most things in life, you can reschedule. However illness isn't like most things. There is NEVER a convenient time to get sick. EVER.
While we have been waiting we have been the fortunate recipient of remarkable kindness from several of you (and maybe just one person?). It is so very humbling and SO APPRECIATED. How they know "just when" is incredible. Nothing short of miraculous really. I love the flowers, the gift cards, the notes, letters, get well soon wishes and all of that. It wells my eyes with tears to know how much we mean to so many. Truly.
We are going through SO MANY things right now. Not just myself, but my father, and our dear friend, and another dear friend. Each of these situations are very serious and require LOTS of WAITING. Results. Planning. More tests. More waiting. See the pattern?
However, I stumbled across an old book that has helped me TREMENDOUSLY: Hinds Feet in High Places, by Hannah Hurnard.
It is about a girl named Much Afraid with her deformed face and feet; longing to follow the Shepherd to the High Places. I'd encourage you to read it. I am reading it again (for the third time). SO many good reminders.
There is purpose in the waiting. Peace, too. The Shepherd longs to take us to the High Places as well if we would only embrace the companions He sends our way to help us. Yes, Sorrow and Suffering are along for the ride...but it doesn't have to be this way. When we realize that there is nothing that the Shepherd won't do for us: it is powerful.
I don't want to spoil this book for you. Just go read it. I hope it gives you what you're looking for.
As we wait, lets listen to some good music/albums, shall we? What's on your current playlist?
No one.
In the doctors office (that I work at), if we are running behind, the patients will ask how long its going to be. And often times they reschedule if they cannot wait, or they will roll their eyes and take a seat back out in the waiting room and rehearse a nice long rant for the nurse (*me*) and let us have it. Knowing this, we try to get patients back within a reasonable amount of time. It is a lot less complicated.
I was waiting recently for a lab draw, for myself this time...and after 45 minutes I was a bit nervous. Squeamish to put it correctly. No one called for me. They gave me a pager; but it didn't go off.
So you know, I drive an hour one way for this appointment, and everything is timed out so that we can get it all done in the span of a couple hours. It is exhausting and very LONG, so any perceived "Wait time" is over the top. In my opinion. *smile*
I asked the lady at the check in desk: How much longer? And she politely smiles and says that there is "just one ahead of you ma'am." And sure enough, my name was called, and I was in and out in no time. Only to go up to the exam room on the third floor and find out they drew the wrong labs.
Sigh.
And sigh again.
It all straightened out, but the waiting (again) was rough.
That's when I knew: it will always be this way. Waiting on __________ (fill in the blank). God is looking for our responses in the waiting. Will we trust? Will we rant and rave? Will we wait?
Like most things in life, you can reschedule. However illness isn't like most things. There is NEVER a convenient time to get sick. EVER.
While we have been waiting we have been the fortunate recipient of remarkable kindness from several of you (and maybe just one person?). It is so very humbling and SO APPRECIATED. How they know "just when" is incredible. Nothing short of miraculous really. I love the flowers, the gift cards, the notes, letters, get well soon wishes and all of that. It wells my eyes with tears to know how much we mean to so many. Truly.
We are going through SO MANY things right now. Not just myself, but my father, and our dear friend, and another dear friend. Each of these situations are very serious and require LOTS of WAITING. Results. Planning. More tests. More waiting. See the pattern?
However, I stumbled across an old book that has helped me TREMENDOUSLY: Hinds Feet in High Places, by Hannah Hurnard.
It is about a girl named Much Afraid with her deformed face and feet; longing to follow the Shepherd to the High Places. I'd encourage you to read it. I am reading it again (for the third time). SO many good reminders.
There is purpose in the waiting. Peace, too. The Shepherd longs to take us to the High Places as well if we would only embrace the companions He sends our way to help us. Yes, Sorrow and Suffering are along for the ride...but it doesn't have to be this way. When we realize that there is nothing that the Shepherd won't do for us: it is powerful.
I don't want to spoil this book for you. Just go read it. I hope it gives you what you're looking for.
As we wait, lets listen to some good music/albums, shall we? What's on your current playlist?
DEEPER ROOTS: Where the Bluegrass Grows, by Steven Curtis Chapman
VICTORY, by Bethel Music
RED SEA ROAD, by Ellie Holcomb
SING, by Ellie Holcomb
Friday, March 22, 2019
Spring...
I believe that Spring has FINALLY Sprung in Missouri!
What a winter it has been! Sub-zero colds and Colds and coughs galore! We went for our first bike ride of the year yesterday. It was WONDERFUL. Birds were chirping and singing their song. Worms were wriggling across the path. Some had dried up! (cringe)
The kids are on spring break. And my brother Adam came for a nice visit.
How I love my family. =)
I am about to finish my third cycle of chemo. This has been the best by far! As the days wind down to complete this cycle...I am noticing the fatigue, weepiness, and aches. They told me that I would still have the fatigue, but the rest of the symptoms would go away. Thus far, it has proved true. Amen to this!
Do you ever get to a place where you are not sure where to go? For instance, should I keep my blog?
Should I keep going with something that I have loved and written to? Honestly, it feels burdensome of late. Not that I don't enjoy it, just "Something to do" looms heavy sometimes. I have placed very little in the way of expectations of just how many times a month to write. Thankful that you cannot see everything. =) and praise the Lord for editing. =) My spelling at times is atrocious!
Aaron is finishing another class online. His love for learning compels me to keep learning as well. From him, and all around me. It's contagious! And where would we be without learning?
I have recently been enjoying some of Shelly Smith Morales work behind the camera. She has her personal page on Facebook. For those that don't have FB, I will include a few of my favorites below. Her ability with nature is second to none. (IMO) Her pictures have brought such a calming effect to me and I am sure so many. Go check her out!
What a winter it has been! Sub-zero colds and Colds and coughs galore! We went for our first bike ride of the year yesterday. It was WONDERFUL. Birds were chirping and singing their song. Worms were wriggling across the path. Some had dried up! (cringe)
The kids are on spring break. And my brother Adam came for a nice visit.
How I love my family. =)
I am about to finish my third cycle of chemo. This has been the best by far! As the days wind down to complete this cycle...I am noticing the fatigue, weepiness, and aches. They told me that I would still have the fatigue, but the rest of the symptoms would go away. Thus far, it has proved true. Amen to this!
Do you ever get to a place where you are not sure where to go? For instance, should I keep my blog?
Should I keep going with something that I have loved and written to? Honestly, it feels burdensome of late. Not that I don't enjoy it, just "Something to do" looms heavy sometimes. I have placed very little in the way of expectations of just how many times a month to write. Thankful that you cannot see everything. =) and praise the Lord for editing. =) My spelling at times is atrocious!
Aaron is finishing another class online. His love for learning compels me to keep learning as well. From him, and all around me. It's contagious! And where would we be without learning?
I have recently been enjoying some of Shelly Smith Morales work behind the camera. She has her personal page on Facebook. For those that don't have FB, I will include a few of my favorites below. Her ability with nature is second to none. (IMO) Her pictures have brought such a calming effect to me and I am sure so many. Go check her out!
Monday, February 18, 2019
Loving life...
Yesterday was Church. A day set aside to worship. I love church, the people that is.
Well, most of them ;).
Also, my white counts are down/low, so that means the mask comes out. I despise being sick and wearing it because it is SO very hot/warm. But I will say, one positive of it: with the subzero temps, I stay nice and toasty. *smile
For Valentines Day this year we did...nothing. However, Aaron totally hit a home run with his gift to me: an Automatic Car Starter Kit. Hands to the heavens that's just what this girl wanted and what my frozen body needed! I don't need to be wined and dined, although that's nice on occasion. Give this girl an auto car starter and you've won her heart forever. Nothing says I love you like a warm car.
Am I right?
Aaron's birthday came and went on this past Saturday. We celebrated by going over to his mom and dad's house. He plowed out their driveway, while the kids and I went sledding in the backyard. Then, we took our mule (side by side) and hauled our skis to the top of "Mount Shafer", *think long bunny hill.* and we skied down it. We then connected a tow strap to the back of the mule and skied back up. And... you get the idea. Totally Red Neck and Hillbilly-like. And it was AWESOME. We came in to a warm dinner of fried Chicken, scalloped potatoes, green beans, corn and a hot rolls. Comfort foods. I'm hungry just thinking of the feast!
Folks have been asking me how I am doing. While I would love to say "GREAT!" all the time, the reality is, that it's not. Most of the time it is. I have so many thoughts going through my head but the one that screams the loudest is this:
I WILL NOT STOP LIVING MY LIFE.
I don't know how to die.
I will just keep living, until I don't anymore.
That's all that any of us can do.
So, my days include all of my normal activities. Surprise! I spoke with a gentleman from church, a beloved friend, who has just passed his prognosis date. He was like: Erin, they told me 6 months and that was several weeks ago. So, now I give THEM 6 months and I will go back and see them. I feel fantastic! In fact, I'm going to Texas this week, because why not?
Exactly.
Why the heck not?
Well, most of them ;).
Also, my white counts are down/low, so that means the mask comes out. I despise being sick and wearing it because it is SO very hot/warm. But I will say, one positive of it: with the subzero temps, I stay nice and toasty. *smile
For Valentines Day this year we did...nothing. However, Aaron totally hit a home run with his gift to me: an Automatic Car Starter Kit. Hands to the heavens that's just what this girl wanted and what my frozen body needed! I don't need to be wined and dined, although that's nice on occasion. Give this girl an auto car starter and you've won her heart forever. Nothing says I love you like a warm car.
Am I right?
Aaron's birthday came and went on this past Saturday. We celebrated by going over to his mom and dad's house. He plowed out their driveway, while the kids and I went sledding in the backyard. Then, we took our mule (side by side) and hauled our skis to the top of "Mount Shafer", *think long bunny hill.* and we skied down it. We then connected a tow strap to the back of the mule and skied back up. And... you get the idea. Totally Red Neck and Hillbilly-like. And it was AWESOME. We came in to a warm dinner of fried Chicken, scalloped potatoes, green beans, corn and a hot rolls. Comfort foods. I'm hungry just thinking of the feast!
Folks have been asking me how I am doing. While I would love to say "GREAT!" all the time, the reality is, that it's not. Most of the time it is. I have so many thoughts going through my head but the one that screams the loudest is this:
I WILL NOT STOP LIVING MY LIFE.
I don't know how to die.
I will just keep living, until I don't anymore.
That's all that any of us can do.
So, my days include all of my normal activities. Surprise! I spoke with a gentleman from church, a beloved friend, who has just passed his prognosis date. He was like: Erin, they told me 6 months and that was several weeks ago. So, now I give THEM 6 months and I will go back and see them. I feel fantastic! In fact, I'm going to Texas this week, because why not?
Exactly.
Why the heck not?
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