At Last.......the Dr called with my results. All labs and biopsies are NORMAL. Praise the Lord!
I will get a call tomorrow to set up my surgery. It will probably take place in a couple of weeks. *sigh* Relief, but dread all at the same time. Each time they try to describe what they are planning to do, I say the same thing, "don't tell me, just do what you 'gotta do, and do it well, please." We'll discuss details later- if necessary. =)
Hair cuts happened tonight. It cracks me up. We have the same routine every 3-5 weeks.....go out to the garage, sit on a chair, cover up with a towel and look down. Now imagine Cade's point of view....lets try and dodge the clippers at every swipe, and don't forget the theatrics. Surely this time Mom will give up....we have done this for 5 years. He should know by now that I have the patience of Job, and will wait him out every time. He makes me smile.
I never like to hear the word "never" so I have been slowly working things into my routine that they thought I could "never" do again. Ah....the sweet challenge. You could say I am stubborn, but I like to use the word: determined. Why set boundaries on something only the Lord controls? Until He sets the limits, we have to keep trying. Obeying Him at every turn. I love that about people, don't you? When they face impossible odds, they rise up against them, and experience sweet victory through Faith?
Max Lucado wrote a book called, "Cast Of Characters." I love each and every story. I can find myself right smack dab in the middle of most of them. With tears, I was nearing the end of the book when I glanced over to my Bible, layed open to Hebrews 11. Talking about Faith. Over and over there were more stories, written out almost the same as in Mr. Lucado's book. Out jumped vs.6: "and without faith it is impossible to please God..." Against odds. Outstanding Faith. Upsetting of dreams. Life changes. And still, He knows, He hears, He loves, He heals, He cares, and He is near. So near, that in our crisis of belief he stands waiting and ready to hold us. Hold fast.
Just this past Sunday, I was waiting for Aaron and Cade to unlock the chruch. We arrived first, so they entered the back door, and walked through the church and over to the side entrance to let me in. While sitting in the car waiting on them, I was able to watch the sun rise. The awesomeness was breath-taking. I wouldn't say it was a voice, but a reminder ran through my thoughts that sometimes the darkest part of the night, is right before the morning. Perhaps that is where you find yourself. In the blackest part of night. Cold, broken, and just about out of hope. If you are, let me share with you something that blessed my heart when I was feeling the same way: (paraphrased from Mr. Lucados' book)
"Could there have been a greater tragedy for John than a dead Jesus?...John didn't know on the Friday what you and I now know. He didn't know that Friday's tragedy would be Sunday's triumph.....why did he linger after Jesus died?....To others, Jesus was a miracle worker. To others, Jesus was a master teacher. To others, Jesus was the hope of Israel. But to John, he was all of these and more. To John, Jesus was a friend....(and) you don't abandon a friend. He had a habit of doing this. John chose to linger. And because he lingered on Saturday, he was around on Sunday to see the miracle.....Through the rags of death, John saw the power of life.....God is given to such practices...In his hand empty wine jugs at a wedding became a symbol of power. The coin of a widow becomes a symbol of generosity. A crude manger in Bethlehem is his symbol of devotion. And a tool of death is a symbol of his love. Should we be surprised that he takes the wrappings of death and makes them the picture of life?.......could God do something similar in your life? Could he take what today is a token of tragedy and turn it into a symbol of triumph? .....Don't leave. Hang around. Because he loved him, he stayed near him.....As hard as it may be to believe, you could be only a Saturday away from a resurrection."
Will you stay with me? Near Him? He is the ONLY one that matters. He is just a prayer away. Ask him to forgive your unbelief. I did. It's a risky prayer, but one he welcomes with open arms. It isn't without pain. God chose for me to walk through "the valley" so that I could learn that He alone can bring me out as well. I didn't ask for it, nor did I like it. But I never want to go back to the way things were before. Because I don't know if I would have believed without experiencing it. He allowed me to go through this to see with my eyes...faith. I can almost hear him say to me, "Erin...you see. You get it. You believe in me. Really believe. Finally,......at Last!"
I'm a slow learner. Never say "never." And through this process of forced patience, I have learned to linger....at last.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
100 posts......
Today is my 100th post.
Quite an accomplishment actually- one that I never really set out to do, or even thought to write down to "accomplish."
Isn't that funny how life does that to us? When I started this blog, I had NO idea what I would write about, or that I would actually "like" writing. I couldn't figure out who (besides family) would read my musings about life, love, and living a life of godliness.
So here I sit. Rain is pouring down outside. Aaron is at school. Cade is home from his school and watching TV. I have just finished a couple of loads of laundry and am about to tackle the ironing. I should be cleaning or something more constructive, but that can wait. I decided to write about a little something....
Something called: Friendship
We all have them. Know some. Love many, dislike a few. They are many things to us and have the ability to carry many hats all at a time. Friends. Dependable, strong, bold, loving, thoughtful, energizing, encouraging and down right maddening at times. Don't you just love them?
This past year, I have been the recipient of the blessings that come from friendships. Childcare, meals, letters, phone calls, hugs, laughter, tears, help cleaning the house, just sitting down with me, praying, encouraging, and even helping me dress. While some of these things are limited to specific times in our life, many of these things carry through and over a lifetime.
Friendships take time. Trust. Nurturing.
I have been silly enough to let hurt feelings and unforgiveness live with me long enough to almost destroy a "best" friendship. The funny thing is, is that even in their absence (however long) no one or no one thing can replace them. That's what takes them to the "best" category.
It takes: time on the phone, laughing until your sides ache, Listening and knowing when to talk or when to shut up, Forgiving all the little things that can bring a big thing down, like a friendship, And forgiving all the big things as well.
Yes, I have learned a lot about frienship- particularly as it is mentioned in 1 Corinthians..."...Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 13:4-8
Does that sound familiar? It's very popular at weddings, yet actually is talked about directly after dealing with "we are all one body." Perhaps there was division in the church that the Apostle Paul was writing about. Perhaps there was just some discussion. Either way, it stands today as a template of which all friendships (and marriage) should be molded after. I WANT this type of friendship and am striving to BE that type of friend.
The difficult part? Well........me. Self. Pride. Hang-ups. We all have them. BUT....we don't have to live by the old self any more AFTER we are made new in Christ. He is in the restoring business and He rehabs the flunks- like me, after we have fallen and can't get back up again.
As I write, I keep thinking of the Judd's song, "Love can build a bridge." Remember that one? Well, besides the tune being crooned over and over, and then stuck in my mind, I cannot help but recognize the truth that lies in the first words of the chorus: "Love can build a bridge, between your heart and mine....don't you think it's time?"
You know what is under a bridge? A lot of water.
Learning to love myself has taught me how to love like a friend should. It took being scarred and bald for me to come to the end of "me," and see so much more, like building bridges instead of trying to find another way around.
Let the water alone. Let it stay under the bridge. Hold fast to the words of Pauls letter to us in God's word. Don't hold a record of wrong. Jesus doesn't. If we are striving to be more like Him, than we are going to start seeing evidences of Him in everyday life, including our friendships.
And just so you know, there ARE times when closure doesn't come. Unfortunately I have learned that too. But learn from this as well... Love THEM and YOURSELF enough to let it go. Build bridges where you can. Don't ever try to burn them. Forgiving them and yourself is actually for you- not them. It allows you to move on and heal. It affords you the opportunity to overcome the many obstacles that come with "messy" friendships.
The friends that hurt us the most are often the ones we have loved the most. Sometimes the truth hurts so much that it can divide, if we let it. Other times we hurt each other out of our own hurt. (Sad, isn't it?)
Friends have played a vital role in my life this past year. That is why I am dedicating this 100th post to you...... my friends.
Quite an accomplishment actually- one that I never really set out to do, or even thought to write down to "accomplish."
Isn't that funny how life does that to us? When I started this blog, I had NO idea what I would write about, or that I would actually "like" writing. I couldn't figure out who (besides family) would read my musings about life, love, and living a life of godliness.
So here I sit. Rain is pouring down outside. Aaron is at school. Cade is home from his school and watching TV. I have just finished a couple of loads of laundry and am about to tackle the ironing. I should be cleaning or something more constructive, but that can wait. I decided to write about a little something....
Something called: Friendship
We all have them. Know some. Love many, dislike a few. They are many things to us and have the ability to carry many hats all at a time. Friends. Dependable, strong, bold, loving, thoughtful, energizing, encouraging and down right maddening at times. Don't you just love them?
This past year, I have been the recipient of the blessings that come from friendships. Childcare, meals, letters, phone calls, hugs, laughter, tears, help cleaning the house, just sitting down with me, praying, encouraging, and even helping me dress. While some of these things are limited to specific times in our life, many of these things carry through and over a lifetime.
Friendships take time. Trust. Nurturing.
I have been silly enough to let hurt feelings and unforgiveness live with me long enough to almost destroy a "best" friendship. The funny thing is, is that even in their absence (however long) no one or no one thing can replace them. That's what takes them to the "best" category.
It takes: time on the phone, laughing until your sides ache, Listening and knowing when to talk or when to shut up, Forgiving all the little things that can bring a big thing down, like a friendship, And forgiving all the big things as well.
Yes, I have learned a lot about frienship- particularly as it is mentioned in 1 Corinthians..."...Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 13:4-8
Does that sound familiar? It's very popular at weddings, yet actually is talked about directly after dealing with "we are all one body." Perhaps there was division in the church that the Apostle Paul was writing about. Perhaps there was just some discussion. Either way, it stands today as a template of which all friendships (and marriage) should be molded after. I WANT this type of friendship and am striving to BE that type of friend.
The difficult part? Well........me. Self. Pride. Hang-ups. We all have them. BUT....we don't have to live by the old self any more AFTER we are made new in Christ. He is in the restoring business and He rehabs the flunks- like me, after we have fallen and can't get back up again.
As I write, I keep thinking of the Judd's song, "Love can build a bridge." Remember that one? Well, besides the tune being crooned over and over, and then stuck in my mind, I cannot help but recognize the truth that lies in the first words of the chorus: "Love can build a bridge, between your heart and mine....don't you think it's time?"
You know what is under a bridge? A lot of water.
Learning to love myself has taught me how to love like a friend should. It took being scarred and bald for me to come to the end of "me," and see so much more, like building bridges instead of trying to find another way around.
Let the water alone. Let it stay under the bridge. Hold fast to the words of Pauls letter to us in God's word. Don't hold a record of wrong. Jesus doesn't. If we are striving to be more like Him, than we are going to start seeing evidences of Him in everyday life, including our friendships.
And just so you know, there ARE times when closure doesn't come. Unfortunately I have learned that too. But learn from this as well... Love THEM and YOURSELF enough to let it go. Build bridges where you can. Don't ever try to burn them. Forgiving them and yourself is actually for you- not them. It allows you to move on and heal. It affords you the opportunity to overcome the many obstacles that come with "messy" friendships.
The friends that hurt us the most are often the ones we have loved the most. Sometimes the truth hurts so much that it can divide, if we let it. Other times we hurt each other out of our own hurt. (Sad, isn't it?)
Friends have played a vital role in my life this past year. That is why I am dedicating this 100th post to you...... my friends.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Normal........
Of course I had to write and let you know that I just had great news!
My CA-125 came back NORMAL.
Biopsy reports are still pending, but looking good in the preliminary.
*sigh*
I think I will sleep peaceful tonight.
Until next time,
Erin
My CA-125 came back NORMAL.
Biopsy reports are still pending, but looking good in the preliminary.
*sigh*
I think I will sleep peaceful tonight.
Until next time,
Erin
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Waiting.....again.........
I am tired.
SO very tired.
Of Cancer.
Today I had an appointment to rule out some problems I was having. Don't expect "simple med change" if they tell you that. To the point- I ended up having a biopsy, an ultrasound and a blood test. Most of the symptoms I had can belong to 12 different problems that are unrelated or not cancerous.
In short, I have to have a hysterectomy to resolve some of the issues, but in the process, they decided to rule out problems, and are making sure that none of these issues are caused from Ovarian Cancer, thus the need for the blood test and biopsy. (!!!) I about have heart failure at just the thought! The Dr. does not think that is a concern, but like he said, we need to rule it out.
PLEASE pray that these tests are normal. I can go thru the surgery, I just don't want to go in knowing that I HAVE to have it. Does that make sense? I don't want to go thru Chemo again. I don't want to struggle with these things either, but such is life.
To be honest, after I had my crying fit, I was thankful. Yes, thankful because there is no concrete evidence that I won't get other hormone related cancers, like Ovarian Cancer. I always thought I would elect to have this surgery if I could, but up until this point, all my Drs were against it. All thought it would be best to wait. I could never figure out why I would want to wait and worry and wait again. Now, however, I won't have to struggle thinking about what "could be" at least in that department. The pending tests will determine how soon I have to have this. Reconstruction will wait for now. No big deal.
God is good. I know that this has been sifted thru His hands and comes as no surprise to Him. I am simply tired and have a headache. He had brought me to this and will bring me through it. He will not leave me now, we've come too far! I am just having a bad day. Cancer stinks.
Results should be in, in about a week. And so, we wait......again.
SO very tired.
Of Cancer.
Today I had an appointment to rule out some problems I was having. Don't expect "simple med change" if they tell you that. To the point- I ended up having a biopsy, an ultrasound and a blood test. Most of the symptoms I had can belong to 12 different problems that are unrelated or not cancerous.
In short, I have to have a hysterectomy to resolve some of the issues, but in the process, they decided to rule out problems, and are making sure that none of these issues are caused from Ovarian Cancer, thus the need for the blood test and biopsy. (!!!) I about have heart failure at just the thought! The Dr. does not think that is a concern, but like he said, we need to rule it out.
PLEASE pray that these tests are normal. I can go thru the surgery, I just don't want to go in knowing that I HAVE to have it. Does that make sense? I don't want to go thru Chemo again. I don't want to struggle with these things either, but such is life.
To be honest, after I had my crying fit, I was thankful. Yes, thankful because there is no concrete evidence that I won't get other hormone related cancers, like Ovarian Cancer. I always thought I would elect to have this surgery if I could, but up until this point, all my Drs were against it. All thought it would be best to wait. I could never figure out why I would want to wait and worry and wait again. Now, however, I won't have to struggle thinking about what "could be" at least in that department. The pending tests will determine how soon I have to have this. Reconstruction will wait for now. No big deal.
God is good. I know that this has been sifted thru His hands and comes as no surprise to Him. I am simply tired and have a headache. He had brought me to this and will bring me through it. He will not leave me now, we've come too far! I am just having a bad day. Cancer stinks.
Results should be in, in about a week. And so, we wait......again.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Fall...
Don't you just love the colors of fall? Just looking out my window makes me so dog-gone happy I just want to go out, rake up a huge pile of the fallen colors and just dive right in. I know, sounds crazy to some, but I just LOVE it!
Every day I have the privilege to take Cade to school. Our normal route is closed down, so a detour is a must....but I have to say, I am thankful, because along this detour is the MOST AMAZING COLOR TOUR EVER. Seriously! I would snap pictures if I weren't driving. It is the curviest, dirt road you will ever meet, but one that is amazingly rich. Like an artists paintbrush, dripping drops of a multitude of colors all around. The best part? I get to see it four times a day! Pure beauty.
This week has been one for the records. You ever have those? You have the great stuff, as mentioned above, and then the not so great stuff. Runny noses, messes, coyote's waking you up all hours of the night while they "gracefully" move through. Arghh!!!! To top it off, we had to take a cow to the butcher shop. Now for those of you who aren't familiar with animals I will let you in on a little secret: Animals NEVER load well, especially when you are wanting them to. I will leave it at this: he arrived where he needed to arrive at, and we are still in one piece, salvation in tact.
Being covered in cow poop for a day brought back a lot of memories- for both of us. It also put me in mind of something I read from John Piper. He said that marriage is like a field of flowers, lush green grass, just like a peaceful meadow, or calm trails that are favorites along a mountainside. But occasionally we step into cow pies. And another, and another. He relates these to the things that we dislike and really dislike about our spouse. You know, the annoying habits, etc. In short, what he and his wife Noel have learned over the years is to create a compost pile of sorts and start piling up the cow pies. Sure, your back may be tired and aching, but the work is well worth it. Keep shoveling, and clearing the way. The only time you need to visit the compost pile is to move forward. Perhaps you have to walk by for some humility, ownership, or forgiveness. But, don't ever camp there. Move on to the more beautiful, peaceful areas. Those are the things that make life beautiful. Just as the beautiful fall colors vary from state to state, depending on temperatures- so do marriages differ from one another. NEVER get caught in the trap of comparison. That is a sure weapon that will be used to tear down what God so careful constructed.
This has been a year for the records. Each day brings me closer to my "one Year" mark. Amazing isn't it? Talk about full circle! As I mentioned before, I am writing, and writing, and writing. It isn't that I have so much to say, but trying to put some things into words for the first time....whew! Emotions are like a roller coaster on some days. Ironically, I was getting ready to write about living life with a glimpse of what it would be like thru a cancer patient, when we had another scare. This time with Aaron...
He had a tightness in his throat for the past 6 months. (He had told me only 2months- so I wouldn't worry, but the truth came out when I decided to go with him to his appt.) The Dr. thought it was acid reflux. Gave him a prescription and then ordered an ultrasound of his neck. Well, the U/S was supposed to take place on Monday. Remember the cow? That is why we were crunched for time. He got there on time and was told everything looked normal.
The next day I receive a call from the Dr's office. "We need Aaron to come in and discuss the "findings" with the Dr." To say I was upset is putting it mildly. Things like this make me more than a little jumpy. I have learned the hard way that something so "routine" and "normal" sometimes isn't. Yesterday he went in and they told him that he has a tiny "cyst" on his Thyroid. They cannot tell if it is cancer or not at this point. It is 2mm. (About the size of the end of a pen) They will check it in 2 months and if it is larger, they will biopsy it. The size is just too small for them to do anything with. What we have found out is this- worse case scenario? Early stage Thyroid cancer. Best case? Just a fluid filled cyst. What a deal! I am thankful they found it. The Dr said this was a fluke. The throat tightness? Just acid reflux, caused from????? Stress. Go figure. I reminded Aaron that (assuming that the stress is due to the cancer and not some annoying trait of mine) he needs to keep the cow pie theory in mind just in case. Compost, don't camp! LOL! This too shall pass.
When I mentioned the roller coaster of emotions, you'd better believe it. That is putting it mildly. I was thankful, but mad. Oh, I was mad! Why? SO many questions but little to no answers. I feel like I have had enough! Our plate hasn't exactly been empty since a short time after we were married. My mind wanted to wander and just be angry, but you know what? That isn't the problem. The issue comes when we take our eyes off of Jesus. Some of life's greatest blessings come out of these seasons. And you know what? For the first time, Aaron was able to really understand the value I now place on life, where before he mentioned not really being able to see. He saw the urgency of turning the small, little, wonderful thing of life into BIG things. And to minor on the things we often major on. Life is precious. Plain and simple. It just turns those leaves into a more vibrant color than before-for both of us.
Am I still mad? At times, yes. I am human and wonder "why us?" It frustrates me to watch friends pull away from us because our load is too heavy to bear and share. Believe me, I know. I HATE it, but have no choice in it except my attitude. Makes me wonder who will help them when it is their turn. Makes me wonder why some people have it so easy. It makes me realize that bearing with one another is a life time pursuit. Not just something we miraculously have in heaven. Not just in marriage, but in friendship. These lessons are hard. The lessons we learn thru these seasons are like being molded by fire. We don't choose which hardships we're given. The trees that I LOVE to watch as the colors shift and change didn't get to the point where I could see them by hiding behind others, or getting out of the wind. They are the way they are because they stood thru the storms, sank their roots down deep, and grew. They learned they could bend but didn't have to break. The same with us, We simply live and learn as we are supposed to. With humility, grace, forgiveness, and thankfulness. And we grow.
Yes, I am thankful. Thankful for life, family, friends, time, healing, frustrations and even "the fall." It makes me just that much more aware of my need for Him- daily. Guiding me, leading me, forgiving me, loving me, carrying me, and picking me up again from my numerous, clumsy falls......
Every day I have the privilege to take Cade to school. Our normal route is closed down, so a detour is a must....but I have to say, I am thankful, because along this detour is the MOST AMAZING COLOR TOUR EVER. Seriously! I would snap pictures if I weren't driving. It is the curviest, dirt road you will ever meet, but one that is amazingly rich. Like an artists paintbrush, dripping drops of a multitude of colors all around. The best part? I get to see it four times a day! Pure beauty.
This week has been one for the records. You ever have those? You have the great stuff, as mentioned above, and then the not so great stuff. Runny noses, messes, coyote's waking you up all hours of the night while they "gracefully" move through. Arghh!!!! To top it off, we had to take a cow to the butcher shop. Now for those of you who aren't familiar with animals I will let you in on a little secret: Animals NEVER load well, especially when you are wanting them to. I will leave it at this: he arrived where he needed to arrive at, and we are still in one piece, salvation in tact.
Being covered in cow poop for a day brought back a lot of memories- for both of us. It also put me in mind of something I read from John Piper. He said that marriage is like a field of flowers, lush green grass, just like a peaceful meadow, or calm trails that are favorites along a mountainside. But occasionally we step into cow pies. And another, and another. He relates these to the things that we dislike and really dislike about our spouse. You know, the annoying habits, etc. In short, what he and his wife Noel have learned over the years is to create a compost pile of sorts and start piling up the cow pies. Sure, your back may be tired and aching, but the work is well worth it. Keep shoveling, and clearing the way. The only time you need to visit the compost pile is to move forward. Perhaps you have to walk by for some humility, ownership, or forgiveness. But, don't ever camp there. Move on to the more beautiful, peaceful areas. Those are the things that make life beautiful. Just as the beautiful fall colors vary from state to state, depending on temperatures- so do marriages differ from one another. NEVER get caught in the trap of comparison. That is a sure weapon that will be used to tear down what God so careful constructed.
This has been a year for the records. Each day brings me closer to my "one Year" mark. Amazing isn't it? Talk about full circle! As I mentioned before, I am writing, and writing, and writing. It isn't that I have so much to say, but trying to put some things into words for the first time....whew! Emotions are like a roller coaster on some days. Ironically, I was getting ready to write about living life with a glimpse of what it would be like thru a cancer patient, when we had another scare. This time with Aaron...
He had a tightness in his throat for the past 6 months. (He had told me only 2months- so I wouldn't worry, but the truth came out when I decided to go with him to his appt.) The Dr. thought it was acid reflux. Gave him a prescription and then ordered an ultrasound of his neck. Well, the U/S was supposed to take place on Monday. Remember the cow? That is why we were crunched for time. He got there on time and was told everything looked normal.
The next day I receive a call from the Dr's office. "We need Aaron to come in and discuss the "findings" with the Dr." To say I was upset is putting it mildly. Things like this make me more than a little jumpy. I have learned the hard way that something so "routine" and "normal" sometimes isn't. Yesterday he went in and they told him that he has a tiny "cyst" on his Thyroid. They cannot tell if it is cancer or not at this point. It is 2mm. (About the size of the end of a pen) They will check it in 2 months and if it is larger, they will biopsy it. The size is just too small for them to do anything with. What we have found out is this- worse case scenario? Early stage Thyroid cancer. Best case? Just a fluid filled cyst. What a deal! I am thankful they found it. The Dr said this was a fluke. The throat tightness? Just acid reflux, caused from????? Stress. Go figure. I reminded Aaron that (assuming that the stress is due to the cancer and not some annoying trait of mine) he needs to keep the cow pie theory in mind just in case. Compost, don't camp! LOL! This too shall pass.
When I mentioned the roller coaster of emotions, you'd better believe it. That is putting it mildly. I was thankful, but mad. Oh, I was mad! Why? SO many questions but little to no answers. I feel like I have had enough! Our plate hasn't exactly been empty since a short time after we were married. My mind wanted to wander and just be angry, but you know what? That isn't the problem. The issue comes when we take our eyes off of Jesus. Some of life's greatest blessings come out of these seasons. And you know what? For the first time, Aaron was able to really understand the value I now place on life, where before he mentioned not really being able to see. He saw the urgency of turning the small, little, wonderful thing of life into BIG things. And to minor on the things we often major on. Life is precious. Plain and simple. It just turns those leaves into a more vibrant color than before-for both of us.
Am I still mad? At times, yes. I am human and wonder "why us?" It frustrates me to watch friends pull away from us because our load is too heavy to bear and share. Believe me, I know. I HATE it, but have no choice in it except my attitude. Makes me wonder who will help them when it is their turn. Makes me wonder why some people have it so easy. It makes me realize that bearing with one another is a life time pursuit. Not just something we miraculously have in heaven. Not just in marriage, but in friendship. These lessons are hard. The lessons we learn thru these seasons are like being molded by fire. We don't choose which hardships we're given. The trees that I LOVE to watch as the colors shift and change didn't get to the point where I could see them by hiding behind others, or getting out of the wind. They are the way they are because they stood thru the storms, sank their roots down deep, and grew. They learned they could bend but didn't have to break. The same with us, We simply live and learn as we are supposed to. With humility, grace, forgiveness, and thankfulness. And we grow.
Yes, I am thankful. Thankful for life, family, friends, time, healing, frustrations and even "the fall." It makes me just that much more aware of my need for Him- daily. Guiding me, leading me, forgiving me, loving me, carrying me, and picking me up again from my numerous, clumsy falls......
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Pictures........
Here are a few photo's from the last three weeks.
Cade learned to drive the zero turn and thought it was hilarious to chase us around on it......notice the little "look" in his eye! =)
And here is our darling little "Rapunzel" that had to be renamed this week. We shortened it to "Punzel." Turns out "she" was actually a "he." Ooops. Cade came in and told me this and then said, "Dad told me not to ask questions. What is that supposed to mean?" LOL!
While at Eric and Kerri's reception, I was able to get a couple of the cute decoration displays that mom and her friends had put up. Then my camera died before anyone got there, but here they are! =)
And lastly, I thought I would share my little "flower" project. I have two butterfly bushes that have attracted an amazing amount of butterflies, and then Day lily's, Hydrangia's, Rose's, etc. Here are a few of them in bloom. They were small when I took the shots, but have TRIPLED in size now. They look awesome!
So there you have it....in pictures. More to follow. Sorry- I couldn't rotate the one picture of the lily. Oh, well. Such is life!
I am a bit overwhelmed this week. Lot's of stuff going on this week, will share more when I can. Busy at the moment and just trying to stay afloat. Blessings to you today. Keep smiling.
Cade learned to drive the zero turn and thought it was hilarious to chase us around on it......notice the little "look" in his eye! =)
And here is our darling little "Rapunzel" that had to be renamed this week. We shortened it to "Punzel." Turns out "she" was actually a "he." Ooops. Cade came in and told me this and then said, "Dad told me not to ask questions. What is that supposed to mean?" LOL!
While at Eric and Kerri's reception, I was able to get a couple of the cute decoration displays that mom and her friends had put up. Then my camera died before anyone got there, but here they are! =)
And lastly, I thought I would share my little "flower" project. I have two butterfly bushes that have attracted an amazing amount of butterflies, and then Day lily's, Hydrangia's, Rose's, etc. Here are a few of them in bloom. They were small when I took the shots, but have TRIPLED in size now. They look awesome!
I am a bit overwhelmed this week. Lot's of stuff going on this week, will share more when I can. Busy at the moment and just trying to stay afloat. Blessings to you today. Keep smiling.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
October......
Yes, I haven't fallen asleep on this blog, just busy.
That seems to be the story of every one's life! I totally understand.
This week we finished painting the house- praise the Lord! We have been waiting for a cooler stretch of dry weather to touch up the last of the trim, etc. It feels great to be done! Cade has decided that he is going to be a painter like Uncle Jay when he grows up. He heard us discussing painting stories while he was playing with Moon Sand, (while in Michigan) and out of no where last week, he looks at us and says that if he practices long enough he will get good at trim work. I was surprised he remembered all of what we were talking about. Just goes to show that even though you think they aren't listening....things are sinking in deep. So much so that they make decisions about it.
Speaking of decisions, I have finally decided to write. Not just blog, but as in a "book." I have been collaborating with mom on some ideas for a while now. (It helps to know the publisher! =)) Part of saying it, is keeping me accountable to it. Like a lot of things, the Lord likes to wake me up in the middle of the night with ideas. The other night, he didn't wake me- I just couldn't fall asleep. So around midnight, I roll out of bed and start in on it. It was amazing how things started pouring out. Thoughts, stories, memories, emotions, encouragement, scripture. Just like spilled paint, it began to spread and get on everything. I just started typing as fast as I could and the Lord just lined things up. Believe me when I say it is with MUCH fear and trembling that I am doing this. By no means have I anything great to say, but out of obedience- I am going to write.
Today is the first day of October. Breast Cancer Awareness Month. For a while now, many people have given me things. Everywhere from a "Duck Quack-er" to pins, ribbons, books, hats, and scarves. All of it pink. All of it reminders. To say I am avoiding all things pink would be exaggerating. Yet, I am not in a hurry to wear it either. Sometimes the desire to stick my head in the sand is much easier than being a walking billboard and re-hashing things again and again. It isn't something I am ashamed of, just simply too raw, still, to boldly wave a flag. Make sense? Perhaps I am in denial- who knows? However, I am writing and rehashing and dealing with much at the moment. Pressing on and through isn't stopping, but progressing. One step at a time. So, if you think about it- pray for those who have, are and will be going thru the same thing. It begs for attention because 1 in 2-4 women will have this cancer in their life time. That is far too many. Let's not sit back and do nothing. One person can make a difference.
Think Pink this month my friends. It comes around every October....
That seems to be the story of every one's life! I totally understand.
This week we finished painting the house- praise the Lord! We have been waiting for a cooler stretch of dry weather to touch up the last of the trim, etc. It feels great to be done! Cade has decided that he is going to be a painter like Uncle Jay when he grows up. He heard us discussing painting stories while he was playing with Moon Sand, (while in Michigan) and out of no where last week, he looks at us and says that if he practices long enough he will get good at trim work. I was surprised he remembered all of what we were talking about. Just goes to show that even though you think they aren't listening....things are sinking in deep. So much so that they make decisions about it.
Speaking of decisions, I have finally decided to write. Not just blog, but as in a "book." I have been collaborating with mom on some ideas for a while now. (It helps to know the publisher! =)) Part of saying it, is keeping me accountable to it. Like a lot of things, the Lord likes to wake me up in the middle of the night with ideas. The other night, he didn't wake me- I just couldn't fall asleep. So around midnight, I roll out of bed and start in on it. It was amazing how things started pouring out. Thoughts, stories, memories, emotions, encouragement, scripture. Just like spilled paint, it began to spread and get on everything. I just started typing as fast as I could and the Lord just lined things up. Believe me when I say it is with MUCH fear and trembling that I am doing this. By no means have I anything great to say, but out of obedience- I am going to write.
Today is the first day of October. Breast Cancer Awareness Month. For a while now, many people have given me things. Everywhere from a "Duck Quack-er" to pins, ribbons, books, hats, and scarves. All of it pink. All of it reminders. To say I am avoiding all things pink would be exaggerating. Yet, I am not in a hurry to wear it either. Sometimes the desire to stick my head in the sand is much easier than being a walking billboard and re-hashing things again and again. It isn't something I am ashamed of, just simply too raw, still, to boldly wave a flag. Make sense? Perhaps I am in denial- who knows? However, I am writing and rehashing and dealing with much at the moment. Pressing on and through isn't stopping, but progressing. One step at a time. So, if you think about it- pray for those who have, are and will be going thru the same thing. It begs for attention because 1 in 2-4 women will have this cancer in their life time. That is far too many. Let's not sit back and do nothing. One person can make a difference.
Think Pink this month my friends. It comes around every October....
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