Fall...

Don't you just love the colors of fall? Just looking out my window makes me so dog-gone happy I just want to go out, rake up a huge pile of the fallen colors and just dive right in. I know, sounds crazy to some, but I just LOVE it!

Every day I have the privilege to take Cade to school. Our normal route is closed down, so a detour is a must....but I have to say, I am thankful, because along this detour is the MOST AMAZING COLOR TOUR EVER. Seriously! I would snap pictures if I weren't driving. It is the curviest, dirt road you will ever meet, but one that is amazingly rich. Like an artists paintbrush, dripping drops of a multitude of colors all around. The best part? I get to see it four times a day! Pure beauty.

This week has been one for the records. You ever have those? You have the great stuff, as mentioned above, and then the not so great stuff. Runny noses, messes, coyote's waking you up all hours of the night while they "gracefully" move through. Arghh!!!! To top it off, we had to take a cow to the butcher shop. Now for those of you who aren't familiar with animals I will let you in on a little secret: Animals NEVER load well, especially when you are wanting them to. I will leave it at this: he arrived where he needed to arrive at, and we are still in one piece, salvation in tact.

 Being covered in cow poop for a day brought back a lot of memories- for both of us. It also put me in mind of something I read from John Piper. He said that marriage is like a field of flowers, lush green grass, just like a peaceful meadow, or calm trails that are favorites along a mountainside. But occasionally we step into cow pies. And another, and another. He relates these to the things that we dislike and really dislike about our spouse. You know, the annoying habits, etc. In short, what he and his wife Noel have learned over the years is to create a compost pile of sorts and start piling up the cow pies. Sure, your back may be tired and aching, but the work is well worth it. Keep shoveling, and clearing the way.  The only time you need to visit the compost pile is to move forward. Perhaps you have to walk by for some humility, ownership, or forgiveness. But, don't ever camp there. Move on to the more beautiful, peaceful areas. Those are the things that make life beautiful. Just as the beautiful fall colors vary from state to state, depending on temperatures- so do marriages differ from one another. NEVER get caught in the trap of comparison. That is a sure weapon that will be used to tear down what God so careful constructed.

This has been a year for the records. Each day brings me closer to my "one Year" mark. Amazing isn't it? Talk about full circle!  As I mentioned before, I am writing, and writing, and writing. It isn't that I have so much to say, but trying to put some things into words for the first time....whew! Emotions are like a roller coaster on some days. Ironically, I was getting ready to write about living life with a glimpse of what it would be like thru a cancer patient, when we had another scare. This time with Aaron...

He had a tightness in his throat for the past 6 months. (He had told me only 2months- so I wouldn't worry, but the truth came out when I decided to go with him to his appt.) The Dr. thought it was acid reflux. Gave him a prescription and then ordered an ultrasound of his neck. Well, the U/S was supposed to take place on Monday. Remember the cow? That is why we were crunched for time. He got there on time and was told everything looked normal.

The next day I receive a call from the Dr's office. "We need Aaron to come in and discuss the "findings" with the Dr." To say I was upset is putting it mildly. Things like this make me more than a little jumpy. I have learned the hard way that something so "routine" and "normal" sometimes isn't. Yesterday he went in and they told him that he has a tiny "cyst" on his Thyroid. They cannot tell if it is cancer or not at this point. It is 2mm. (About the size of the end of a pen) They will check it in 2 months and if it is larger, they will biopsy it. The size is just too small for them to do anything with. What we have found out is this- worse case scenario? Early stage Thyroid cancer. Best case? Just a fluid filled cyst. What a deal! I am thankful they found it. The Dr said this was a fluke. The throat tightness? Just acid reflux, caused from????? Stress. Go figure. I reminded Aaron that (assuming that the stress is due to the cancer and not some annoying trait of mine) he needs to keep the cow pie theory in mind just in case. Compost, don't camp! LOL! This too shall pass.

When I mentioned the roller coaster of emotions, you'd better believe it. That is putting it mildly. I was thankful, but mad. Oh, I was mad! Why? SO many questions but little to no answers. I feel like I have had enough! Our plate hasn't exactly been empty since a short time after we were married. My mind wanted to wander and just be angry, but you know what? That isn't the problem. The issue comes when we take our eyes off of Jesus. Some of life's greatest blessings come out of these seasons. And you know what? For the first time, Aaron was able to really understand the value I now place on life, where before he mentioned not really being able to see. He saw the urgency of turning the small, little, wonderful thing of life into BIG things. And to minor on the things we often major on. Life is precious. Plain and simple. It just turns those leaves into a more vibrant color than before-for both of us.

Am I still mad? At times, yes. I am human and wonder "why us?" It frustrates me to watch friends pull away from us because our load is too heavy to bear and share. Believe me, I know. I HATE it, but have no choice in it except my attitude. Makes me wonder who will help them when it is their turn. Makes me wonder why some people have it so easy. It makes me realize that bearing with one another is a life time pursuit. Not just something we miraculously have in heaven.  Not just in marriage, but in friendship. These lessons are hard. The lessons we learn thru these seasons are like being molded by fire. We don't choose which hardships we're given. The trees that I LOVE to watch as the colors shift and change didn't get to the point where I could see them by hiding behind others, or getting out of the wind. They are the way they are because they stood thru the storms, sank their roots down deep, and grew. They learned they could bend but didn't have to break. The same with us, We simply live and learn as we are supposed to. With humility, grace, forgiveness, and thankfulness. And we grow.

Yes, I am thankful. Thankful for life, family, friends, time, healing, frustrations and even "the fall." It makes me just that much more aware of my need for Him- daily. Guiding me, leading me, forgiving me, loving me, carrying me, and picking me up again from my numerous, clumsy falls......