At last......

At Last.......the Dr called with my results. All labs and biopsies are NORMAL. Praise the Lord!

I will get a call tomorrow to set up my surgery. It will probably take place in a couple of weeks. *sigh* Relief, but dread all at the same time. Each time they try to describe what they are planning to do, I say the same thing, "don't tell me, just do what you 'gotta do, and do it well, please." We'll discuss details later- if necessary. =)

Hair cuts happened tonight. It cracks me up. We have the same routine every 3-5 weeks.....go out to the garage, sit on a chair, cover up with a towel and look down. Now imagine Cade's point of view....lets try and dodge the clippers at every swipe, and don't forget the theatrics. Surely this time Mom will give up....we have done this for 5 years. He should know by now that I have the patience of Job, and will wait him out every time. He makes me smile.

I never like to hear the word "never" so I have been slowly working things into my routine that they thought I could "never" do again. Ah....the sweet challenge. You could say I am stubborn, but I like to use the word: determined. Why set boundaries on something only the Lord controls? Until He sets the limits, we have to keep trying. Obeying Him at every turn.  I love that about people, don't you? When they face impossible odds, they rise up against them, and experience sweet victory through Faith?

Max Lucado wrote a book called, "Cast Of Characters." I love each and every story. I can find myself right smack dab in the middle of most of them. With tears, I was nearing the end of the book when I glanced over to my Bible, layed open to Hebrews 11. Talking about Faith. Over and over there were more stories, written out almost the same as in Mr. Lucado's book. Out jumped vs.6: "and without faith it is impossible to please God..." Against odds. Outstanding Faith. Upsetting of dreams. Life changes. And still, He knows, He hears, He loves, He heals, He cares, and He is near. So near, that in our crisis of belief he stands waiting and ready to hold us. Hold fast.

Just this past Sunday, I was waiting for Aaron and Cade to unlock the chruch. We arrived first, so they entered the back door, and walked through the church and over to the side entrance to let me in. While sitting in the car waiting on them, I was able to watch the sun rise. The awesomeness was breath-taking. I wouldn't say it was a voice, but a reminder ran through my thoughts that sometimes the darkest part of the night, is right before the morning. Perhaps that is where you find yourself. In the blackest part of night. Cold, broken, and just about out of hope. If you are, let me share with you something that blessed my heart when I was feeling the same way: (paraphrased from Mr. Lucados' book)

 "Could there have been a greater tragedy for John than a dead Jesus?...John didn't know on the Friday what you and I now know. He didn't know that Friday's tragedy would be Sunday's triumph.....why did he linger after Jesus died?....To others, Jesus was a miracle worker. To others, Jesus was a master teacher. To others, Jesus was the hope of Israel. But to John, he was all of these and more. To John, Jesus was a friend....(and) you don't abandon a friend. He had a habit of doing this. John chose to linger. And because he lingered on Saturday, he was around on Sunday to see the miracle.....Through the rags of death, John saw the power of life.....God is given to such practices...In his hand empty wine jugs at a wedding became a symbol of power. The coin of a widow becomes a symbol of generosity. A crude manger in Bethlehem is his symbol of devotion. And a tool of death is a symbol of his love. Should we be surprised that he takes the wrappings of death and makes them the picture of life?.......could God do something similar in your life? Could he take what today is a token of tragedy and turn it into a symbol of triumph? .....Don't leave. Hang around. Because he loved him, he stayed near him.....As hard as it may be to believe, you could be only a Saturday away from a resurrection." 

 Will you stay with me? Near Him? He is the ONLY one that matters. He is just a prayer away. Ask him to forgive your unbelief. I did. It's a risky prayer, but one he welcomes with open arms. It isn't without pain. God chose for me to walk through "the valley" so that I could learn that He alone can bring me out as well. I didn't ask for it, nor did I like it. But I never want to go back to the way things were before. Because I don't know if I would have believed without experiencing it. He allowed me to go through this to see with my eyes...faith. I can almost hear him say to me, "Erin...you see. You get it. You believe in me. Really believe. Finally,......at Last!"

I'm a slow learner. Never say "never." And through this process of forced patience, I have learned to linger....at last.