Beautiful Day

It is such a beautiful day in Michigan.

What a blessed relief from the heat of Missouri.

Cade and I came up to get some more visiting and work done at moms. I love being here and seeing the green, the new life regenerated after a season of dormancy....much the way I am feeling at the moment.

Each season has it's blessings if we wait, but there in lies my problem.....the waiting.

In this fast food society it is much easier to have the resources ready and waiting along with our order so that things can go as easy and quickly as possible. Well, at least we think along along those lines! =)

Today we are heading to the movies, swimming in the kiddie pool set up in my parents back yard, listening to the news and happenings, and feeling the cool weather on my skin. Nothing speaks of peace like the five senses being engaged in something new, yet old...it is all in how I look at it.

My mind seems to ramble this morning. Overflowing with thankfulness, burdened with heaviness for friends, thoughtful in prayer, humbled by His grace all wrapped up in my fight against fears that seems to be daily lately.

I appreciate your prayers in this for me. God is good, the victory is won, but the battle is fierce right now.

Prior to leaving, my flowers needed constant attention. It was and IS touch and go with the landscaping I so carefully worked at. Next summer will be telling. I had mentioned in an earlier blog, that I love sitting on my rocking chairs out on my front porch. I also mentioned my love of flowers.

One morning as I was giving TLC to my petaled friends, I noticed that a dog had....well there is no easy way of putting it...expelled some "waste" in one of my planters. Game on. Time to pull out the broom and wait. As you can imagine, this northern turned southern girl sat with my coffee in hand, broom propped against the porch wall, rocking back and forth in wait for my four legged nemesis.

I didn't wait long. The hilarious part was as soon as he saw me... he fled. I mean FLEW away from me. Needing the exercise, I ran after him. He will think twice before entering my yard again. Especiallly to leave a little puppy surprise in my front planter.

Is it a big deal? No. Just a momentary irritation that as I write it out has me laughing at how rediculous this sounds. I hope you find the same enjoyment out of it, and believe me...no animal was harmed or will be harmed.  =)

It has taken me some time to think some things through. Much has been on my heart.
Family. Book. Cade. School. Church. Family. Friends. Fears. Family. You see the pattern. Much of this I cannot write about, at least now, but that is OK.

In taking the time needed to think on these things I have determined that I neede a new attitude. One of thankfulness because I was letting everything around me "get to me". You know what I mean? It is difficult to be negative when adopting an attitude of gratitude. It moves me from thinking about how I would LIKE things to be, to being thankful for the way things ARE. Living in the moment. Fast food, without the hurry.

Like the dormant flowers that need the constant care in the drought, it is the same for my heart needing the daily streams of refreshing for this dry and thirsty soul. My attitude allowes me to face the day or reject it. Both affects those around me, but also my relationship with the Lord. Embracing the now just made me realize....what a beautiful day.

Vacation Pictures!

At last and as promised....Vacation pictures! Looking over these makes me want to take another one,

yet life must go on after vacation! =)

We were just getting started...

Tradition in our family always includes the 4th of July Parade in Schoolcraft.

We were not disappointed.

I was too excited to get any good shots, but here are two that I did get as we waited.

There is just something about the stars and stripes. It warms my heart to see the honor given to the hero's both past and present, and to those that gave the ultimate sacrifice as the young and old, with hats off, begin to clap as they proudly walk by carrying these colors before them.

Is she not just the cutest thing ever???? She was a friend of Alison's and she sat on my lap almost the whole time. What a sweetie!!!! I could seriously take two of these! =)

Little sweetie has an adorable sister too...she came along with us as Cade's buddy when we went to the air zoo.

With the weather topping 100+, we felt a trip to South Haven was just the thing needed. Made us forget that we were in Michigan during this heat and not at home.

It gave us the feel of Mexico...well, almost anyway.

All good things must come to an end....so with our car loaded up, what clean cloths we had left-put on, we took off for home, sweet home!

Before I forget...Aaron wanted these two in here as well...

A wonderful friend of ours gave us some AWESOME seats at the Royals game. We

took the game in just before we left for Michigan. So fun to have a date with my Farmer Boy!

With that being said...stay tuned...and I will tell you about "my" three goats...=)

For real.



Questions and Answers....

Good Evening!

We just returned from a "newcomers" dinner at Church. A time where some of the oldies, meet with the newbies. It was a fun and relaxing evening filled with good laughs, some icebreaker games and of course food...Super Nacho's to be exact! (A personal favorite!)

The Laundry is finished and the week will end with some baking and even some canning. God is GOOD, you know it?

This past month, I have been asked by people I ran into, by letter/card, and even phone calls regarding our plans for adoption. It is something that I have been open talking about, and even wrote a little bit before, but with several questions that were asked, it was clear that perhaps shedding a little more light on the subject would help explain it a bit better.

In short, we feel called to adopt. However, until this point it was always something we felt like we HAD to do. Being a redemptive Lord, we have recently been realizing that it goes beyond just expanding your family. It reaches to the other people involved as well.

In 2006, we made plans to adopt from Korea, only to have plans change as soon as our homestudy was finished due to a crashing economy. In 2007 we signed up and became foster/adoptive parents only to have plans change again, but this time we had the blessing of having 5 children through our home, such sweet memories we have. In early 2010 we signed on with Catholic Charities. Once our homestudy with them was complete we were matched with a little girl the same day that I was diagnosed. BUMMER. (another change of plans) Or was it?

Sprinkled in each of these three transitions, we have had our share of private adoption situations come up and fall through, again for various circumstances....not one the same.

With hind sight being 20/20 I have come to see that it appears that our "yes" needs to be on the table, and our hearts need to be open; we need to be ready in and out of season even in this. The re-telling of this sounds like a broken record, but each time I hear it, I find another secret from the Lord. Something deeper than just what it appears to be.

HE is teaching me patience and sometimes He uses the things that will get our complete and total attention to refocus our complete and total devotion.

Through each disappointment I am learning that He has a plan and whether or not what I want comes to pass, I will choose to still love Him and trust because He is the only constant.

As I began working through this in my life, I talked to and heard from women all over the U.S. who each had a redemptive story. Some that included their own adoption stories and others that had given children up for adoption. Healing was taking place right in the middle of my own "need/want" of a family. Pretty soon I began to see a larger picture than my toilet paper roll view. Their stories encouraged me. Blessed me. Strengthened me. And humbled me.

We still plan to adopt, but more importantly I think the Lord was after our hearts motivation and readjusting our "big picture" view with one of His own. He understands adopting...He does that to each of us. He understands the ups and downs and the decisions people make on a daily basis. He alone could write a book about disappointments. And He has.

Currently we remain on a waiting list with Catholic Charities until we adopt with them or another situation arises; or perhaps the Lord calls us in a different direction. Our story doesn't make sense even to us sometimes, but it doesn't have to. We just have to be faithful. Obedient. It is what makes life interesting. A whole lot of questions, but not a lot of answers.

Life... is a wild ride.

Good evening!
Since we last talked I celebrated my 32nd birthday (woo hooo!) and my one year REMISSION birthday as well. They are 8 days apart. My heart overflows as I re-read that sentence.

Websters Dictionary defines remission as this: "the act or process of remitting." To Remit: "to send back; to give relief from; to cancel; to restore to a former status or condition....." Ahh....such a precious gift.

I spent the past week as a cook/kitchen assitant at Kids Camp. The once a year event where our church association gathers and puts on a week of fun, food, and festivities for kids ranging in age from 3rd grade to 6th. There is a Mini Hoppers camp for those younger than that, offered to the workers who have smaller ones.

Cade had a blast. Aaron did as well. He went as a cabin leader. Tracy, Laurie, Rachelle, and Theresa were my partners. Side by side, hour after hour, we laughed and enjoyed each other tremendously. I have never seen so much food in my life, and have never fried so much hamburger either. I look forward to next year already, but will leave the ordering of potatoes to someone else.... (Ssshhhush-it Linda)

An interesting thing happened.

I was dreading the week because it was blood work and results week on top of camp. I was thinking of only myself and the comfort that I would probably recieve out here among 155 people whether good or bad news, and honestly, I just wanted to hide. From what, I am not sure, but that is the closest thing I can think of to defining the feeling. And here, in the middle of nowhere (literally) is a woman (who I knew b/c her husband was in treatment with me) to remind me of exactly what I didn't want to remember. And yet, despite my selfishness and poor attitude, the Lord used that week, and that experience to encourage "A" and to remind her of what her husband is experiencing. Life. Remission.

We were both celebrating but in two totally different ways.

One in life.

Another in death physically, but life eternally where we have yet to experience.

It left me speechless. Humbled. Thankful. And envious all at the same time.

Since I was into definitions, I checked on the word "Restore".

It means: "To give back; to put or bring back into existence or use..."

-to give back (something that was taken)
-to bring back into existence (new life and new purpose breathed into me)
-use...(yes, each one of us has a plan mapped out, including where we have been and where we are going.)

It is late as I finish this. Many interruptions have occured. As my heartbeat pulses a steady rhythm, my mind overflows with prayer requests. My emotions threaten within to overflow, yet I am determined to hold my ground. I am tired of hearing "bad" news and once again, I am threatened by the attractive thought of "hiding".

If God is into the restoring business (which He is) it is time to begin anew.

Yes, it is time to breath in and give back. To start over. Or perhaps to begin as if it is the very first time.

1000 Gifts....

I love to read.

If I am honest, which I try to always be, I love the sappy happy ending kind of books. You know, the love stories, the feel good inspirationals and historicals, and the real life biography's...if they have a happy ending. Like all good stories, you need a good plot. Something to keep the readers interest.

Every book I read is always a good one, because BEFORE I read it, I like to look at the last chapter and read through the ending. I know, I know....I get that sort of reaction all the time. I can handle it. =)

Do you know my favorite story? My own........

8 years ago today, I married my best friend.

Though I couldn't see the last chapter, I knew then like I know now- it is going to be incredible!

Looking back our lives have included (but not limited by or to -just these few photo's).

There has been an incredible story wrapped up in this.

One of redemption, and one of Joy...

Look at that little cutie! Don't you just want to eat him up???

Ecclesiastes tells us that there is a time for everything.

"A time to give birth....Uproot....Plant...heal....weep....build up....laugh....dance...embrace....let go....keep....throw away...silence....speaking....searching...to mourn..." Ecc. 3:1-8

There is a time for everything under the sun.

"Just as you do not know the path of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb of the pregnant woman, so you do not know the activity of God who makes all things...Sow your seed in the morning and do not be idle in the evening, for you do not know whether morning or evening sowing will suceed, or whether both of them alike will be good...Indeed, if a man should live many years, let him rejoice in them all, and let him remember the days of darkness....Ecc. 11:5,6,8

We mourned the stroke that took so much from Aaron's dad, but rejoice that he is still with us and through this we are able to see many examples of leadership, Godliness, and that by serving one another we can truly become free.

We built our dream home....and sold it a couple years later.

We moved...and them moved again. Only to be moved soul deep into greener pastures with the Lord.

We embraced these two...and had to let them go...

Only to be knit back together with their family two short years later....

They have been the worst of times...

And yet, the best of times....

Ecc. 7:13 "Consider the work of God, For who is able to straighten what He has bent?"

"For I have taken all this to my heart and explain it that...(everything we do and all that happens to us) is in the hands of God." Ecc. 9:1

All of our endings with Jesus, are always Happy.

If I could do it all over again, I would.

In many ways, Aaron has been my photographer through these pictures. He has held me up and allowed the Lord to work through me, because he made the decision to trust the Lord when he was 8 years old. And that decision to trust laid the firm foundation to trust Him again in this life, looking through the Lens of the Father.

When I see this picture (which hangs on our living room wall), I have such bittersweet emotions.

This was one month before learning of my cancer. However much I love this, I would never go back because I could have this picture, but never know what deadly disease I could still be sick with.

So, I choose to see the beauty in it. The wisdom of gray hair; the smiles that have "knowing" in them. The covenant relationship that it represents. The crown of glory that the Lord has replanted on my head since this was taken.

Yes, we have experienced much under the Sun.

Like many of you.

We have tasted and seen that the Lord is good.

We had heard of the Lord, but now our eyes have truly SEEN Him.

He has given us His wisdom and His camera lens with which we are learning to focus...and to leave you with one more thought:

"A man's wisdom illumines him and causes his stern face to beam." Ecc. 8:1b

Within these 8 beautiful years lay more than 1000 gifts.

I look forward to counting the 1000's more.

Yes, we are still smiling.

And, in a sense we are acting out this same picture today.

We are taking our seats and buckling up,

because the best is yet to come...

Tune My Heart.....Part 2

The end of this month marks a significant time for me. It was when I finished Chemo. One year in remission.
*sigh* of thankfulness.

Many of you know of our journey with trying to adopt. To save you a long story, to this point of our lives it has been unsuccessful. Cade is our little miracle baby and we are so very thankful.

I have come to appreciate many people in my life that have such a strength in them. Those women who like us all have the echo of eternity in their hearts, yet wait on the Lord as their God given roles as mothers goes unanswed. Empty arms cry desperately to be filled.

I am not an expert, nor have I ever experienced even half of what they have, yet I have had dreams go unfulfilled that I believed were from the Lord. I have often found myself asking, begging, pleading with Jesus to answer my hearts cry, especially in this area.

It is no mystery that I would love to have another. We were once again preparing to adopt a little girl. The nursery was complete, clothes bought, lawyer on hold, but the mother was uncomfortable with my medical history and chose another couple to parent their child. We found out about a week ago.

To say that I was disappointed would be correct, but remember the touch?

The Lord has taught me that nothing in this world can make me less of a woman. No Mastectomy. No Hysterectomy. No certain number of children. No amount of friends. No lack of estrogen and No barrenness of womb....NOTHING can make any of us less than a woman.

Do you know what?

I have NEVER felt more feminine than I do right now, having experienced all of the above.

To say that this lifted head has found a new purpose would be an understatement. We were made for more than just what this world offers. Though our arms are empty, and dreams seem lost: HOPE has come in the form of this.....A little baby, who saved the world. Who looks at us with love and sees our barrenness of soul and responds by honoring us who long for a child, with a child of His own. One that has the power to fill our hearts and save our soul.

My perspective needed to change. I was looking down and He lifted my head. He had to teach me. Sort of like tuning an instrument. It takes time, accuracy and pressure, but what is brought forth is perfect melody in perfect pitch. (I am hoping...)

I had to learn to laugh again like Sarah.
I had to learn to sing again like Hannah.

I know that now Mother's day has past, but as we were encouraged yesterday in church...comfort the motherless, the childless, the mother's in your life. Honor each one as is appropriate. Because where ever they are at in their walk through this life, they are changing the world. They are carrying out their God given destinies. They were made for more than just a day and a title. They were made with eternity in their hearts and are teaching us much about faithfulness, love, trust and hope. May that day serve, from this day on, to remind us to tune our own hearts to sing His praise.

However the sheet music is written.

Tune my heart.....Part 1

Call me crazy, but there is something quite healing in getting your hands dirty and planting new and beautiful things. The same shock they experience the first few days/weeks is quite like my own as I reflect on the past year.

About 4 weeks ago I began planting plants. Almost on the verge of obsession. I dislike starting something and leaving it unfinished. Last year we left the front landscaping bare after we poured time, sweat and money into redoing the whole thing. New cedar logs, black paper, river rock....
One year later I am back at it and with a vengence. I am not your typical planter. Symetry has its place, but in my garden you will find a blend of the unique, the great, the small, but beautiful, each and every one. After much $ and consternation from my man, I am finished with the front and on to the the back. I love the fact that homes have four sides. =)

Much like the shock the plants go through, they (like their gardener) need the tender loving care daily from their master. Water, support, or fertilizer...He knows exactly what is needed to pull them through. Sometimes I am convinced whether plant or person, we sometimes just need the blessed touch of Jesus. The simple lifting up of a head bowed down.

This week was one of the busiest weeks I have had in a while. Though I am healthy and getting stronger every day, I will admit that this last week found me taking lots of naps. Sleeping late when I could and often going back to bed after my dear friend Melissa picked the kiddos up for school. I used to be ashamed of such habits in my life, but I have learned that to be the best mama I can be, is to take the time to listen to my body. "Getting stronger" doesn't mean that I am "There" yet. But I am on my way...and any one knows that when you are strength training, it is often the best not to power through the pain or the tiredness. To avoid injury, one must rest.

During this week I noticed something. I didn't want to deal with the shock factor that had come into my life from being transparent and being transplanted. I needed that tender touch.

-My writing deadline was coming up.
-Cade's birthday was fast approaching.
-T-ball was in full swing.
-And mother's day was here again.

I found myself visiting with a friend, and while driving in her car towards a shopping center, we drove past the Imaging Center for Women where I had been diagnosed. Instantly my mouth opened and tears began to fall unchecked as memories, painful ones that I had never visited, came flowing out.

...I remember walking across that parking lot, the nurse holding my films. I didn't even want to touch them. They were changing my life in a way that I never wanted. I thought to myself "this cannot be happening". I cried against the steering wheel of Aarons truck for 10 minutes. It was the kind of crying that leaves you hoarse and you never made a sound. The prayers unspoken, being interpreted by the Spirit as only He can.
   Calling Aaron and asking him to meet me before his class started.
   Calling and telling my parents that they suspected cancer and tests would soon follow.
   My best friend being out of town, I called her and hearing her grief as she tried to be strong for me telling me she loved me and that things were going to be ok. Hearing the faith she tried to put into her words as she was choking over her own grief for me.
   Feeling so alone, but at the same time feeling safe....

My sweet friend...while driving, just listened. I am sure I had her worried! =)

Everywhere I looked last week I saw new life. Flowers, babies, expectant mothers. And right along with those memories the Lord touched a tender spot in my heart and began transplanting my old thoughts and replacing them with new ones. Remember the tender touch that was needed for this bowed head? He came, and He lifted me.

To be continued....