Thinking........

The past few weeks have passed without so much as a blur. It was more like warp speed.
Life does that, doesn't it? Before you know it summer is over and it looks like Crayola exploded in our house with all the school supplies and preparations necessary for the start of the school year. I don't know if you know people like this or not, but I went ahead and bought two of  most of the supplies, b/c how can you resist a brand new box of crayons? Just for school? No, I think we need some for home too! Just the smell of them brings back precious memories of my own and inevitably a coloring competition follows the bright multi-colored box of wax-goodness.

Next week Cade is starting Kindergarten. We have been to the Dr. for the shots, and check-ups. The little stinker purposely failed the hearing test three times b/c he is SO literal. He was told to press the "button" one time if he heard the beeps. So he did. Finally (in a moment of panic) I pulled off the ear muffs and asked him (in a LOUD voice) if he could hear all the beeps....to which he answered, "mom, if she wanted me to push the button after each beep, she needs to tell me that- not assume that I know what to do." Needless to say after clarification, he passed with flying colors.

I have 7 more treatments after today!!!! I will spare you the details, but suffice it to say that towards the end of radiation you are a little discolored (think in the color of sunburn/tan) and you begin to peel (imagine 1-2nd degree burn). I have a port-flush tomorrow. I truly don't miss the constant pokes....oh well. It should be coming out soon. Anyhow, in little over a week I will be FREE from the daily drives and constant demands. I will have new things going, but all or at least most of it at home.

Cade has been struggling with fears. I would laugh at some of the things he comes up with if only they weren't so serious. Reality, at least for most of us, settles like a bad burrito. You get my meaning. We try to treat it much the same way....promising we will not eat Mexican for the next 100 years, only to crave it next week. We love reality TV b/c it shows us what it is like.....and we can- ourselves, start to grasp what it would be like if it were us, from a distance. It is much easier to experience it that way than to actually live it. He has been a champ thru this whole process. I know this past year has filled his little cup to the brim, but when we started talking about school, his little cup just overflowed. It was new, exciting, frightening, and there was the big word again: CHANGE. Yes, it is a close friend to "reality". We are curious, but cautious....often to the point of worry/fear. Hearing about school just made him begin to face some of the stuff in his overflowing cup. How well I know what his little heart is going thru.

I read thru a chapter in a book today by Dr. Lew Sterrett. The book titled, "Life Lessons from a Horse Whisperer" was detailing how a horse was responding to his master while trying to learn a particularly difficult maneuver. The fascinating part was when the author spoke of earning the horses trust by taking him step by step thru everything he is asking him to do....walking with him the whole way, and then "scaring" him away. Amazingly enough, thru the step by step process, the horse learned to obey thru trusting and building faith in his trainer, so that when the trainer made to scare him away, he flinched but his hooves never moved. The purpose of the "scare" tactic was that the master/trainer was testing how deep the trust and faith of the horse went. It was invaluable for him to know b/c he (the trainer) was going to be using the horse to teach and minister to others, but also it was building a relationship that went further than a  pleasure ride thru the countryside. This was a lifetime friendship built on rock solid trust- the component every single relationship in this life needs to survive and thrive thru the hard times. To protect during a battle. To carry on into victory. To lean on in understanding and support. To stand the test of time.

Understanding the reality, change or overflowing cups of life requires us to trust in Jesus. This taught me so much about how fickle I tend to be. I love the pleasure rides b/c they are predictable. You know going into it that you are going to have a fun ride. Change is predictable as well, just not as pleasurable.

By the end of the first chapter of this book, I was in tears b/c the trainer understood the horse. When he first taught the horse to lie down, the horse would resist and hold it's breath. When it finally reached a point of submission and willingly layed his head, body and will down the horse began to groan. The trainer knew some of what the horse had endured b/c of what his owner had told him. Gut wrenching, tear producing groans were and are the same thing that come out of me when I finally quit fighting the Lord and totally surrender in sweet brokenness. Admitting the hurts, disappointments, frustrations, past failures, and hypocrisy don't only define a strong willed horse, but myself as well. Allowing myself to grieve is not only cleansing but freeing as well.

The horse went on to train many, and still is working today....just not as much as time has aged his body but not his heart. The owner gave the horse to the trainer b/c he saw the bond they shared. The friendship that is forged thru the trials of this life are inseparable. The trust that is built, as seen in this example of horse and trainer, can withstand the "scares" of this life. The Bible says that "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Jn. 8:32 "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." Jn. 8:36
Sweet freedom thru trust in Jesus.........just got me to thinking.........