Reflecting......

 I wanted to share a snippet of what I am writing in my book. So, here goes...
{Over Thanksgiving of last year, I made a really big decision. It was a monumental one for me. I decided to let go of all the fears about Cade, Aaron and myself that I had been harboring in my heart for years. I determined to fly. To live and love like never before. So, I did. I let go.

A week and a half later I recieved my cancer diagnosis. Though tempted to believe that it was some ill will of Satan or God, or even "my fears" come to life, I have since reflected back on that time to see that is WAS the Lord, but He wasn't angry. He was telling me "Ok, now you are ready....let's LIVE, my girl. Let's Fly."

He taught me how to love myself through being bald and breast-less over this past year. And symbolically, I am now seeing Him through the "reconstruction" phase. He is tearing down the old lies that I once believed about Him and myself, all the while replacing them with rock solid truths. A foundation of truth. Truths that will last far longer that the "30 year guarantee" that I am given with my "prosthetics". =)

This process hurts, people. The inward struggle AND the outward change.

It isn't easy, nor has it been.

Wanna know something?

When I went into surgery this last time, I didn't see a butterfly. Not one. You know why? I believe that I finally graduated off my "training wheels" of faith, and simply put my trust in Him. He was testing me. A test not meant for me to fail, but because He believed I was ready.

A test of not believing in the butterfly but a test of absolute trust in the One who made it.....

Now, when I look at my chest and see the scars, I pray I will always remember. Use it as a roadmap of sorts of where I have been and where I am going. More importantly, that I will always glorify God in this, because this is HIS work, not my own.

He remains Faithful even when we are faithless.}

I love Him more because of it!

Reflecting on this season of my life has shown me.....that I have truly... begun to live.