The Dr. called and I have stage 2 Breast Cancer. Which means it was in the lymph nodes. Only two out of the nine lymphs they took were positive. So thankful. He is teaching me much through this.
I prayed throughout the day that it wouldn't be in the Lymphs, but I see now that He can move even in spite of "fears" that still linger on the surface. I still have a peace and assurance that the Lord will bring me through this alive and well on the other side. It is scary looking at the long road ahead.
I cried today, simply because I just don't want to loose all my hair, etc. I never thought much of my hair/face looks before. I was always more conscious if I looked "fat", etc. It never occurred to me to worry about my face b/c that wasn't something anyone (especially myself) could change. It is what it is. I already feel deformed in many ways, I guess my pride just reared its ugly head when I realized that I will loose ALL my hair on my body. How humbling to know that this "tent" isn't our permanent home, but it sure is nice when we have it lookin' good!
When the emotions subside, I still refuse to be identified by cancer. It is something I have, NOT who I am. I have always looked at women going through this as strong and beautiful. I guess the Lord is showing me the same lesson, only through His eyes. It matters not what man thinks. Only Him. I am tired now and need to rest. He is good and loves me still and for now that is more than enough!
Erin,
ReplyDeleteI thought of you so often yesterday and after reading this, I know why. It was a reminder to pray for you.
I woke up a little while ago thinking of you so took time to pray. I hope you have or can connect with Wilma~she's been thru this and could share her feelings with you~esp. about losing your hair.
I went with her to pick out a wig prior to her hair falling out. They had told her it would be so many days after she started chemo and it was-almost exactly...so we got the wig ordered before.
I don't know how many she tried on~the lady was ever so patient with us. She had a lot of good ideas for us~re-size, color, re-real hair vs. not. She was actually glad we came in before the hair was going so she could make a better match re-to color and style...so everything would look more natural. It was amazing to see how many choices there were.
There are places that specialize in fitting CA patients with wigs-they ordered one for Wilma that we thought would be a good match and it was.
Also~she advised us that with a Dr's prescription, the insurance would cover the cost of the first wig...so we got the Rx. We would not have known that had the salon owner not told us.
While I hated the fact that she was going to lose her hair, it was kind of a neat experience to be with her and the girls to help pick out her 'new do'....we went to K-zoo to a place that someone told me about.
The lady worked with us for as long as it took. And then when the wig came in, she cut (a little at a time) and styled it till we liked the 'look'....she was so cute and kind~telling us all the time that she wanted Wilma to look and feel beautiful, was empathetic and so caring!
I say all that to say that I hope you can find a good salon and enjoy the experience as much as possible as we did.
Wilma's family had a little party as soon as her hair started to fall out~just the immediate family. Merlin gave her a buzz cut (not shaved) so they wouldn't need to watch her hair fall out. That got them and us used to seeing her with short hair before she lost it and needed to wear a wig.
As I look back, it was difficult to see Wilma lose her hair but getting the wig ahead of time, having them make it a party of sorts seemed to help.
It is 4am and I'm not sure this makes sense but wanted to share a bit of how Wilma did the hair thing....I hope she shares more with you.
She now has hair the length of yours in the pix above~it came back curly but is more straight now. You will get beyond this~but as you go thru it, find people that have been there/done that who will support and help you with the good kind of comments you need!
caring, praying,
Rosetta