Time...

I think over the course of the past 16 hours, my emotions have gone sky high to the depths, all in about 2 seconds. I have had to have the "never want to have" conversation with my little boy 2 times as he asks, "Mommy, why are you sick? Are you going to die? I don't want you to leave me, mommy! I need you!" How in the world do you pull out your supermom mask at a moment like that? When his eyes spill over with tears of sadness? He is pretty preceptive and figured it out on his own. As I was comforting him, he says "I wish it would be daddy who is sick cause he gives me hard spankings, you let me get away with anything!" =) He is a little sunshine! He keeps saying and praying that God is going to heal mommy and that Jesus is going to make mommy's "armpits" all better. My heartfelt prayer as well.

Time will tell. It tells a lot, if we are willing to listen. Time tells things like truth, love, hope, and in the darkest of times, just how much courage you can muster in the face of fear. And, I believe that healing is in time as well. God is so amazing in how much He shows us, too. But, it takes time. Time to mature, time to grow, and like Solomon said, "there is a time for everything..."  So much wrapped up in a four letter word.

As I have had some "time" to think about this, there is rather miraculous findings in this story as well. 1st- most women find breast cancer when it is Walnut-sized. For what they know, mine is the size of a small marble and I didn't find it- they did. 2nd- cancer doesn't "hurt" so when I went in for some painful, swollen lymph nodes, they were shocked that that was my only symptom. When you have two Doctors look at you and say that I wouldn't have found this for years yet, you have to believe the hand of a Living God was involved. 3rd- I have two nodes involved (that they can see) and most have 5-6 upon discovery and each survivor I have talked with said that they had no pain or tenderness. Amazing....don't you see it? This has the Lord stamped all over it.

It is incredible how this news changes what I used to "worry" about. I have wondered more than once- if the whole world could look through any one persons eyes, who have dealt with this thing or are going through it- how different the world would be. No, we are nothing special.....it just made me think how I will live my life from now on. For instance, I was cut off in the grocery line the other day. I normally would have internallized a very human and not nice response, and instead I found myself really looking at that person and wondering...what are they going through? Who hurt them so bad that they just walk around hurting? Hurting people, hurt people.

So, I'll leave you with this thought today....what are we going to do with the time we all have to change the world? Me? I am learning to trust in the One True God. He changed my life when I was 8 yrs old and changes it still. It all comes back to this....It Is Not About Us. There is a world outside our door, going to hell b/c they do not know Jesus, and perhaps have never heard. We are in a battle. It is time to rally the troops and go to war- not just to fight cancer, but to show Jesus to the world. If this is my platform that He is using in my life, then I pray that I will glorify Him alone in this and that I can show the world the true Hope of Christmas- Emmanuel, God is with us; Jehovah Rapha, Lord God who heals; Jesus, The One who Saves.
I don't need a temporary man-made deity, when I've got the real thing. I truly believe that He is going to bring me through this alive and well....It is just "time" to get my game face on!