Just a quick hello!

Good morning!

It has been a little bit, but I wanted to sit down and write a quick hello! =)

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. Having mom and dad here was a great blessing as well as a fun time! We ate, laughed, ate, shopped, ate, worked, and ate some more....did you do the same?

This time of year is always great for reflecting. And also refining. I have been taking time and doing both everyday. Some of what I am finding I am not so proud of, and others, it is astounding how the Lord works. And it is truly HIS work. None of us would be anywhere or capable of anything without His sustaining, all sufficient love, guidance, and even his allowing us to make choices. He is GOOD. Don't ever forget that.

I was able to see my neices and nephews....what a joy! They are growing up so fast and each one gifted, and blessed with unique and awesome personalities! LOVE them!

My friend Kristi came on Wednesday, and I was able to spend some great girl time with her and then share dinner later that evening with her and her husband Kirk. They used to pastor the church we attend before they were called out to Idaho. We were so very glad to have seen them and to be able to visit.  Kristi also (I will blame her) got me started on my new hobby. Jewelry making. It is quite addicting! I will post pictures soon....but I am working on some gifts just now, so it will have to wait just a bit.

This weekend one of my best friends, Megan, is flying in to see me. How exciting is that? I get to be her "birthday" gift of sorts. I am looking foward to the great laughs which are sure to be had, along with the time we can talk. I am sure there will be tears, but happy ones. Thankful ones. The only thing missing this weekend would be Christy, our dear friend from Rosedale. The three of us struck up an unlikely friendship- unlikely because Christy was perfect and Megan was nearing sainthood and then there was me, who was awkward and still finding my way. (and still am) I have been blessed by these women and love them more because of it. Perhaps we can get a skype call in to her ( she is in another country). Can't wait!

So, now you can see... between visiting and Christmas shopping, there really hasn't been much time to write. I have been helping out with my father in law as well. If you could, keep him in your prayers. More on that later.

Over all, I am thankful. Thankful to see Christmas; Thankful to see Jesus in all of this past year, and thankful that He is still with me as EMMANUEL.

Hope your day is filled with merry and bright!

"Are they here yet?"

Have you ever heard that phrase over and over?

Thanksgiving is fast upon us. Grandma and Grandpa are due in tomorrow. Someone small, in this house, cannot wait. He is anxiously awaiting. I would have said patiently, but apparently, he thinks if he can be a stinker for his mom, then that would hasten the arrival of his beloved grandparents. =)
That being said, he is diligently working on it and here is what we he has been up to.

While decorating the tree, he added his own decoration.....

He was greatly disappointed when I told him that my resistance bands could not be a part of the Christmas celebration this year. I came in as my pillows and blanket were being wrapped up....but we finally finished.

My 'Merry Christmas' sign is still waiting to be hung....but now we are ready to open presents with Grandma and Grandpa on Wednesday when they get here. Nothing like an little early present to get you in the holiday spirit!

When I picked up Cade from school, he was full of it cheer.  He told me that though he forgets to wear his underwear sometimes, he always checks to make sure the barn door is closed. "Especially this time of year, mom!" - I didn't even bother to ask him if today was one of those days.

He is really into showing his muscles...so all I have to say is, "I am looking for someone strong to ____...." and he jumps to the task. He is always very serious and then finds time to come over after he is done and asks me if I want to feel his muscles. LOL!

Cade has been a big help, along with Aaron in assiting with cleaning, etc. They make a game with the poor vaccum. Screams, wrestling, chasing each other with "the shark", and knocking things over. But alas, the carpet is always clean when they are done...and no permanent damage has happened. Besides, the memories and the time spent together is priceless!

Last night when they were performing using the vaccum, Cade brings out his trash can and dumps it in front of the vaccum and says..."Let's see if it can pick THIS up, dad!" The look of excited wonder that was written on his face was worth a million bucks. It was even more hilarious to look at Aaron's expression b/c as I was asking Cade what he was doing, he pipes up with....."I was just copying dad!" As you can see, I just don't ask a lot of questions around here. Beggers can't be choosers when you need help...and at the end of the day- does it really matter?  Not ONE bit.

I am going to make a paper chain for him so he can count the hours. It will give him something to do. He is off school tomorrow and will be chomping at the bit knowing that anytime he will see grandpa's car and have unlimited attention from loved ones.

Isn't that just like us all? Who wouldn't love to be loved on...coddled....spoiled rotten....read to....have a ready advocate to get you out of trouble with your parents....spoiled.....spoiled....and spoiled?

I hope whoever you are waiting for this holiday season, does just that.

Hold on to them tightly and enjoy.

I hope you have something to be thankful for this year. I hope a wonderful year is awaiting you and yours. Blessing upon blessing, there is always something to be thankful for! God is good. Always. Forever. I hope you are anxiously awaiting something, someone or a blessing with the same anticipation that is here at our house...and can say with Joy...."Are they here yet?"

Happy Thanksgiving to you!

Make a difference.....

Well, I'm back. Took a break for a while.

Honestly, I just get plain tired some times. Tired of everything. Ever been there? No, not down in the dumps, just needing a little room. Room to think, and grow.

This last couple of weeks, found me working on both.

I went for a port flush this past Monday. While I was there, I was able to visit a couple for patients that are still recieving treatment, etc. I also got to see "my girls." The unsung hero's that walk a dark path with you at the treatment centers. While we were visiting, one of the girls asked me about what I have been doing, so I filled her in. In the middle of talking with her, she began to cry. This is not a girl who cries. She is a determined, strong, beautiful woman, who is sensitive, but not given to tears easily. ( obviously...look at her job) I stopped and asked her what she was crying about.

Before I get into that, I want to give you a little bit of where I was at. Next week, (like I have said before) is my one year anniversary. So, during my "room" to think and grow, I had some other thoughts.

What am I going to do from here? How am I different? What if....? Why.....? Has any of this really made any difference at all?

Processing all of these things takes time, at least for me. So that is where I was that day getting my port flushed, when my nurse said, "Erin, you have changed all of our lives in ways we never knew. We need your words. We need your encouragement. Many who are walking this road cannot recieve encouragement from me, not like they could from someone who has been there. Keep writing. Never stop...we need your words. We just love you."

I was shocked, and humbled. Here I was wondering if I even matter. You know how that is? Have you ever asked, "What am I here for?"

I'll be honest.....I haven't seen the big picture, but enough of it to know that it exists. I am telling this not only for myself, as a reminder, but for you. Keep doing what you are doing. Never stop. You NEVER know who, where, or what kind of a difference you are going to make. The impact you will have.

Someone once shared with me that sucess isn't measured in the times that we actually succeed. It is measured by the times we failed, and we learned, and once again.... we kept going.

I needed that reminder today. We all need that reminder today...we are here to make a difference. If it is for even one life- you are successful.

I have often wondered, since I was a little girl, why it takes me so long to learn things. I am thankful that the Lord is patient....in all things. As He guides and moves us towards what He has for us...we start to see the changes.

For me? I wondered why in the world I would have this happen to me, when there really isn't a good reason for it. But, after Monday talking with my girls, I asked the Lord to always help me remember His goodness and what He is doing. Don't let me get sidetracked with the day to day things of life. Help me to keep on making a difference, and seeing that He has a plan, and that is really all that matters.

You want to know what He did? He knows I needed something tangible to see....so He sent me a snowglobe, by way of my good friend. In the middle stands a woman with her arms raised above her head (which by the way has long and luxurious hair....I'm still working on that) and when you shake it, it explodes with color as glitter and butterflies fall all around her.

There is my reminder....to make a difference. The Butterflies were to remind me of the goodness of the Lord in the Land of the Living.....and to always remain standing, with my arms raised in praise and in worship to the One who has made all the difference.

Decorations and Celebrations....

Today was and is such a great day! For many reasons. Here are a few:

-This is one of the last Fridays that Aaron has off (before switching over to a different dept.) so we use it as our date day! (And I already claimed his last two)

-We are taking care of Aaron's dad as his mom is away on vacation. It is always fun to spend time with him. Aaron stayed with him Wednesday night and all of us stayed last night and then overnight tonight as well. He is getting more and more of his speech back, so it is kind of like seeing the Old Dave, again. Wow! Have we missed him!

-Mom and Dad bought me a 9ft pre-lit tree! Love me some Christmas! =) Anyhow, it was delivered yesterday, and yes- it went up today. Mom and Dad are visiting us soon and wanted to help out...so they get to help with decorating the house and remodeling the basement. Good times!

-The sun is GORGEOUS!!! What a beautiful day!

-Aaron bought me a new kitchen faucet and is installing it as we speak.

Over all, just a great day. Lots of projects done, and quality time spent together! We love doing do-it-yourself projects, and I enjoy marking it of the "list" even more! (he does too!) I (for the first time) just get to sit down and watch...which is why the marking off of things is a big deal...at least I can contribute. Something.

Yesterday I over-did it just a bit. Who  knew hanging curtains could cause problems? Plus I had the terrible case of the "sneezes". (imagine your eyes popping out of your head) Oops. Busted. (Again) =) I was honest and told the Dr what I done...and he laughed! He said if I had some energy to burn off...I needed to go outside and walk. Funny thing is, it comes in spurts. Most of the time I look like a little old lady walking around. The rest of the time you wouldn't know anything was wrong....until I overdo. That is the tricky part. I can drive, but not lift. Walk, but not run. Slow on the stairs, but no vaccuming. Clean, but don't shove things around. Argh. Hows a girl on pain meds to remember all this stuff especially when you are sooo used to doing it? That's a mystery! One I am working on solving, apparently by experience.

NO, I didn't put the tree up. It came in three pieces, with all the branches on hinges. The most I did was pull them down into place. They literally just drop into their position and I plugged it in. It even has a remote with it so I don't have to keep reaching down to plug it in. Love it!

Don't get me wrong....today isn't a good day simply because we bought a few things. Its a good day to live. To enjoy. To learn.  To celebrate. To decorate.

Here's an odd twist for you.....Aaron moved the dresser to do some wiring, and guess what I found? My mammogram films from 6/26/09...results? No findings. Normal. What a difference a year and a half made. Though I won't be decorating anything with those things, I just found it odd that I would find those, almost a year after I found my cancer. Just one more reason I have to celebrate today, being on THIS side of things.

Life is Good. But with God, it is so much better. His birth just gives me one more reason to decorate, and a million more reasons to celebrate!

(I will post pictures soon. Stay tuned...)

Sitting, and thinking......

This week has been a challenge. As I mentioned before, I HATE  dislike being layed up. Thinking. Sitting. Thinking some more. There isn't much more to do. My restrictions are basically this: No lifting over 15 lbs., Stairs are to be taken SLOWLY; walk as much and as fast as you like, but build up to it gradually. No inclines. No running. (duh); sleep and rest- FOR 8 WEEKS!!!! There you pretty much have it. You come out of surgery looking pregnant- not kidding (and I certainly wasn't laughing), and they give you these restrictions. It's not a problem if you like to sit a lot. But for me, it's been a challenge. I am just about through week one.

Intercessors- intercede. =)

As I have been sitting, I have had some wonderful prayer times and some time for reflection. People have come to mind (probably many of you) and I have been able to just pour my heart out to the Lord on their behalf and have some sweet communion with Jesus. This has been a year!

Yes, we are coming up on 1 year. This month. Boy do I feel it. Like I said, forced stillness makes your mind come alive. Literally. Here are some things that I have written down. Lessons learned. Milestones reached. Thoughts I have pondered all while marching toward the wonderful first "year" marker. Here's the list:

-I have never said the word "breast" so many times in my life as I have in this year.

-I learned that I have more strength and stamina than I ever knew or wanted to know that I had.

-I love where I am going, but have hated where I have been.

-I hate the word Cancer.

-I have learned you don't need breasts on your body, hair on your head, or female organs to feel like a woman, or to be feminine. You are who you are because of who He is. He loves you and when you grab hold of that truth, you will never be the same.

-Sometimes it is ok not to look in the mirror. It isn't a true depiction of who you are. Who you are is what is left when all the outside adornments are gone. Girls, develop pure gold that goes heart-deep.

-I have seen (and learned from experience) that all that is "lifted" isn't "gold". It takes a lot of pain to get there. Kudos to those brave souls who endure more than what I have had to!

-You don't alway have answers, but always tell the truth. Even if it is to lifes most difficult questions.

-I have made better choices, loved more, became a better friend, let go of some friends, and learned to walk guided by a "lamp" thru the Valley, all because of Cancer.

-I am thankful to write this because last year at this time I wasn't sure if I would have this day.

-Everything changes, but Jesus NEVER does. I promise. There have been places we have traveled where only He could come. I never felt alone. I felt scared, but never once was I questioning if He was there or not.

-If you have had a hysterectomy and you have to sneeze, have a pillow ready. I think I will have to have more reconstruction after reconstruction. Mercy.

-Prosthetics are over-rated. I had to relearn how to drive (not kidding) and I ended up hitting the curb because of them. They just get in the way. After a year without, it makes a girl question. ;)

-Laugh. And Laugh some more. Sometime things are just so rediculous and overwhelming that they just seem- funny. Don't ever stop laughing. It is good medicine for your soul. Keeps you young. Gives you great laugh lines (the only acceptable wrinkle) and lightens even the heaviest of loads.

-It's not fun to go through the change and have to tell people older than you (like your own mom) what it is like.

-I never want to have cancer again.

-I never want to go back to where I was before.

-They lie when they tell you your chemo weight will fall off of you. You have to work just as hard (if not harder) to work it off. But find peace with the pounds. Studies show that those who gain weight with treatment are more likely to have longterm survival. Now were talking. Peace with the pounds, people. Peace with the pounds.

-I still struggle with finding lumps and bumps (yes, I have some) and it literally make me dizzy and about drop me to my knees. But fear is NOT of God. Remember that. Greater is HE that is in US than he that is in this world.

Most of all, I am thankful for this journey. Yes, thankful. I don't know If I would ever have been able to see the attributes of God or the miracles He has before us, with out cancer. Sometimes the miracle is when He moves the mountain, and other times the greater miracle is when He chooses to take it down stone by stone, guiding us, holding our hand, and teaching us precious, unfailable truths about who He is.

Emmanuel. God with us.
It is time for me to rest again. Going to sit in my recliner and think about this as the Christmas season draws nigh, about the way He has been with us.

And will be.

Always.

Resting.....AGAIN....=)

Here I sit once more.....resting.

Came home from the Hospital on Friday. Things went well, surgery was a success.

Went to the ER last evening due to getting sick to my stomach. All is well. They sent me home with some meds for nausea. That helps! Who knew you're supposed to eat when you take your meds....but how do you do that when you can't eat and keep anything down? And who knew that just because you don't feel pain your still supposed to take your pain meds for at least a couple of days? Not sure on that one. Thankfully, all is well and I am feeling great today. Just tired. Very tired.

My stomach doesn't hurt at all. Surprisingly it feels mostly like sore muscles once in a while, but then again, for some reason with surgeries, I have a crazy deal with pain. I just can't feel it. I know (NOW) when I am in it because I get dizzy, sick to my stomach and pass out. Crazy, right? Well, as soon as they gave me meds thru an IV, I felt great, but couldn't tell you what specifically felt better because nothing hurt. The ER doctor was so great. He said that people have different responses and he has seen others with the same thing, it is rare, but very real. So glad to have someone understand! LOL! It is round the clock for me. Timer setting, etc. I went in thinking I had maybe gotten the flu or something was obstructed, only to find out I needed to take my pain meds more regularly. How embarrassing!

You would have laughed if you could have seen me. Slowly walking thru the doors, my hair was sticking up all over the place, in my PJ's, with my puke bowl. To top it all off...I still have to wear the support hose they give you for surgery. H.O.T. Let me tell you. It was a stiff competition between me and everyone else's grandmothers.

Needless to say, I am happy to be home, and happy to be resting. My little guy has been spending a couple days with some friends. He is doing well. When I came home and he saw me, he just cried and cried and said that he wished things could go back to the way they were before I had cancer. Me too, buddy.

While I was waiting to go in for surgery I prayed that the Lord would show me a butterfly. Just to let me know He was still there. That seems to be His sign for me. Right before going in, they handed me a rehab pillow for holding my stomach with. It had church's and stars. I had been looking at the pillow and holding it for almost 30 mins. when Aaron says: "Hey look! There's your butterfly!" Sure enough, right on the tag was a big, multicolored butterfly. God is so good.

He is with me and today we are resting....again. =)
Thanks for your prayers!

Once in a while....

Today I am finishing up my cleaning. The house should be spotless! =)

Tomorrow is surgery...9:30am.

Every once in a while I just get down right frustrated. Perhaps I don't handle stress well. Or maybe I just don't like being overwhelmed. Or what if I am just plain sick of this stuff? So, what do I do?

I cry. I get angry. Time, once again, slows WAY down. Silly stuff fades away. And I am once again reminded that sometimes the miracle isn't in watching the mountain move, but in the way He takes it down, piece by piece and holds my hand the entire way.

I don't like this, but I am not camping here. There is too much to life than to let this shackle itself to me. Part of coping with things in this life is handling what has been given to you. What do we do when things are given to us? We do something with it.

The next 6-8 weeks will find me resting....and resting....did I mention resting? I think I will be sick and tired of that before I am ready to be off restrictions, so I would appreciate your prayers in that. In all of it. I am going to be writing some more, and of course Netflix and I will be close friends. =)

Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. This is just one of those days. Thankfully, they don't last long anymore. It just comes and goes....every once in a while.