Sitting, and thinking......

This week has been a challenge. As I mentioned before, I HATE  dislike being layed up. Thinking. Sitting. Thinking some more. There isn't much more to do. My restrictions are basically this: No lifting over 15 lbs., Stairs are to be taken SLOWLY; walk as much and as fast as you like, but build up to it gradually. No inclines. No running. (duh); sleep and rest- FOR 8 WEEKS!!!! There you pretty much have it. You come out of surgery looking pregnant- not kidding (and I certainly wasn't laughing), and they give you these restrictions. It's not a problem if you like to sit a lot. But for me, it's been a challenge. I am just about through week one.

Intercessors- intercede. =)

As I have been sitting, I have had some wonderful prayer times and some time for reflection. People have come to mind (probably many of you) and I have been able to just pour my heart out to the Lord on their behalf and have some sweet communion with Jesus. This has been a year!

Yes, we are coming up on 1 year. This month. Boy do I feel it. Like I said, forced stillness makes your mind come alive. Literally. Here are some things that I have written down. Lessons learned. Milestones reached. Thoughts I have pondered all while marching toward the wonderful first "year" marker. Here's the list:

-I have never said the word "breast" so many times in my life as I have in this year.

-I learned that I have more strength and stamina than I ever knew or wanted to know that I had.

-I love where I am going, but have hated where I have been.

-I hate the word Cancer.

-I have learned you don't need breasts on your body, hair on your head, or female organs to feel like a woman, or to be feminine. You are who you are because of who He is. He loves you and when you grab hold of that truth, you will never be the same.

-Sometimes it is ok not to look in the mirror. It isn't a true depiction of who you are. Who you are is what is left when all the outside adornments are gone. Girls, develop pure gold that goes heart-deep.

-I have seen (and learned from experience) that all that is "lifted" isn't "gold". It takes a lot of pain to get there. Kudos to those brave souls who endure more than what I have had to!

-You don't alway have answers, but always tell the truth. Even if it is to lifes most difficult questions.

-I have made better choices, loved more, became a better friend, let go of some friends, and learned to walk guided by a "lamp" thru the Valley, all because of Cancer.

-I am thankful to write this because last year at this time I wasn't sure if I would have this day.

-Everything changes, but Jesus NEVER does. I promise. There have been places we have traveled where only He could come. I never felt alone. I felt scared, but never once was I questioning if He was there or not.

-If you have had a hysterectomy and you have to sneeze, have a pillow ready. I think I will have to have more reconstruction after reconstruction. Mercy.

-Prosthetics are over-rated. I had to relearn how to drive (not kidding) and I ended up hitting the curb because of them. They just get in the way. After a year without, it makes a girl question. ;)

-Laugh. And Laugh some more. Sometime things are just so rediculous and overwhelming that they just seem- funny. Don't ever stop laughing. It is good medicine for your soul. Keeps you young. Gives you great laugh lines (the only acceptable wrinkle) and lightens even the heaviest of loads.

-It's not fun to go through the change and have to tell people older than you (like your own mom) what it is like.

-I never want to have cancer again.

-I never want to go back to where I was before.

-They lie when they tell you your chemo weight will fall off of you. You have to work just as hard (if not harder) to work it off. But find peace with the pounds. Studies show that those who gain weight with treatment are more likely to have longterm survival. Now were talking. Peace with the pounds, people. Peace with the pounds.

-I still struggle with finding lumps and bumps (yes, I have some) and it literally make me dizzy and about drop me to my knees. But fear is NOT of God. Remember that. Greater is HE that is in US than he that is in this world.

Most of all, I am thankful for this journey. Yes, thankful. I don't know If I would ever have been able to see the attributes of God or the miracles He has before us, with out cancer. Sometimes the miracle is when He moves the mountain, and other times the greater miracle is when He chooses to take it down stone by stone, guiding us, holding our hand, and teaching us precious, unfailable truths about who He is.

Emmanuel. God with us.
It is time for me to rest again. Going to sit in my recliner and think about this as the Christmas season draws nigh, about the way He has been with us.

And will be.

Always.