His Will- His Way

Like I said in an earlier blog....life is always changing. The one constant that we can always "depend" on.

Yesterday, Aaron and I recieved some stagering news. After several tests, the Dr. feels that I have breast cancer. This is NOT confirmed yet through a biopsy, but Lord willing the biopsy will take place this week and will prove to be a huge mistake and exaggeration! Once you hear the "C" word, you naturally let your mind wander and think of the worse case senarios. I am just not going there. I am a pretty scrappy fighter if provoked! =) I am determined that if it is cancer, that I am going to kick this thing in the rear.

I will try to be as sensitive as I can in explaining this as it is rather "uncomfortable" to talk about.
I went in b/c of some swollen lymph nodes under my arm that I had noticed for a couple of weeks. They did the U/S and Mammogram and they noticed a mass. Upon further pictures and "blown up close" versions of the above mentioned tests, he was very frank and candid with me. I knew it wasn't good after being there for almost 4  hours and then when the nurse came around and started rubbing my back, well lets just say the flood gates opened. It was late by this time. 6pm, so of course they were only able to make a call and leave a message (to some other Dr.s and Surgeons) along with giving me my films. He told me what to expect over the next couple of weeks, but I tell you I was shocked.

We are looking at a biopsy later this week. Upon the results of those, if negative....we will shouting hallelujah! If they go the other way....we will still praise Him. Being only 30, he said they will take drastic measures and act quickly. I am praying that if this is cancer, that it will be isolated ONLY to this area.

Someone asked me if I was mad at God. To risk "sounding religious" I will tell you that no, I'm not at this point, but if I were, that the Lord can handle it. For I believe that NOTHING surprises Him or is sifted through His hands without His permission. It is His Sovreignty. Sufficiency, and His Faithfulness that I am clinging to through the relationship I have with a loving Father. Do we only take the good in life and not the bad? Does it not rain on the righteous and the unrighteous alike? (the "deserving" or "undeserving") Like the potter and the clay (Is. 29:16, 45:9, 64:8; Jer. 18:6, and Rom, 9:21), if I believe in God, then I have to take the WHOLE Bible as His Word. He knows, He cares, and He is indeed in complete control. I do not have the power to call forth the wind or to still a storm to a whisper, but I do have power in the very Name of Jesus, to call on Him in my hour of need and have absolute assurance that He is right there and will never leave. To ask for peace to surpass my understanding. And to rest in His loving arms...which is where I plan to stay.

I wish I didn't have to share this or walk this road even. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I will also share that I have this thing called "black humor." For anyone who has it, you can feel my pain when in the worst of times, there is something that comes over you and you cannot help but laugh. Perhaps it is how we cope....but while sitting there talking and crying with my dear husband, I said: "Aaron, if what he (the dr.) says is true, and I do have to have massive "surgery" then I'm going the whole way with the plastic surgery thing. I would not normally say this, but if i have to have some reconstruction done at least the insurance will pay for it and I will wear it loud and proud." Don't judge me! =)