Going thru the motions....

So often in life we just go through the motions. Get up, ignore exercise, kids off to school, clean, dinner, dishes, laundry, etc. We do most of this w/o thinking. Just ask Aaron about the shirts, etc. that I have turned pink! I didn't even do it for Breast Cancer Awareness- just pure "habit". LOL At least we look "aware!"  =)

These past three days have been difficult for me. Being vulnerable to the tests, etc. I have had to go thru are just some of the things that just set me off to being completely overwhelmed. I realized my little routine was getting more and more messed up and I hear the nurses tell me to just live life normally. Difficult to do bouncing around childcare, meals, appointments, pain pills, sleep, etc. I realized last night that I just had to have some "me" time. No phone, email, nothing. Just sit in the quiet, watch a movie. Nothing. LOVED it. Aaron and Cade were at worship team practice, so the house was mine!

It is interesting to me how the Lord is using this not only in my life, but in the lives of so many. I just checked the stats and I have had 5,500 readers from 12 different countries. I am truly humbled. It literally brings me to tears. "Why" is a question I am very familiar with, but growing more comfortable with each day. I don't know. I have spent three days "worried, stessed and fearful" of the what if's.....I had to stop last night and think. To remember exactly what I felt and "knew" at the beginning of this thing. I remember specifically reading that "God doesn't give us grace to overcome our fears- He gives us grace when when we need it." I don't know if you caught that or not....but we don't need grace at that moment we are fearing. We need forgiveness. FEAR is the ENEMY'S tactic to get our MINDS OFF OF CHRIST. FEAR = SIN. I was going thru the motions of what I used to do on a daily basis. I can promise you- nothing will prepare you for a tragedy in your life, no matter how hard you try to prepare yourself by worrying or "planning".

Tues. I am scheduled for another surgery to put in the Chemo Port. UGH. But, I am determined to keep on keeping on. Very slowly these days, but also carefully. I don't want to keep just going thru the motions of this life. I want to do more. Be more. Yes, to change. For the better. I know there will be grace for that, b/c He has allowed this to strengthen me, my family and friends. (I'll include you, too!) I know, b/c I need it. We all need it. We cannot fight this battle or any battle in life on our own.

I plan on posting pics of the "new" me when I am bald. I have struggled with this. Honestly, if I could- I probably wouldn't have shared ANY of this with anyone, but I am doing it out of obedience. So that the LORD is glorified, not me. It sure helps the humility out! =)

Monday I am planning on going shopping for my wigs, my scarves and the rest of my "head wear". I've got some great girlfriends going along...we're going to celebrate! Why not? If you have to go thru it, enjoy the ride. Otherwise....I would just be going thru the motions.....